.... random rants and rambles. no agenda. yet.

I know, I know. I haven't blogged since like, forever. There's even snow on the header photo! But anyway, I'm not going to sit here and write excuses. Who cares, anyway? I know you all care much more about the transformation of our garden. Well, you can always see the transformation of The Boy here.

So, yeah, here it is as it used to be - kind of without agenda and not very practical:

And then we got a landscaper and his Assistant Youth to come and drill through 12 inches of concrete (though the youth also spent a considerable amount of time asleep in their wheelbarrow. For real.) ...

They also put up a fence and railway sleepers, and we faffed around planting things...

Which have grown, and grown, although unfortunately, the fence still hasn't painted itself.

... so if anyone would like to come and paint it, you would be MOST WELCOME.

In other Before And After News, my Dad had the genius idea of having Harrythedog's hair cut, because the poor hound has never had it cut and has always been hot. It was one of those things we wished we'd thought of before. Years ago.

So today, lovely Harrythedog was transformed from this:

To this (much too excited to pose for a photo now):

Instead of looking older and fatter as we predicted, he looks about 5 years younger and 5 pounds slimmer. Ahhh!

And in OTHER Before And After News - wait! there is more! - in a week's time, C, The Boy and I have the very good fortune to be going to Canada. Part work, part play; all exciting and quite unbelieveable.

So, because when we toured Scotland a few years ago (before blogging and Twitter and stuff) I wasted all the photos I took and the notes that I WROTE ON PAPER! WITH A PEN! ...I am not making the same mistake again. If you click here you'll see where I'll be blogging to in Canada, and maybe after. Who knows? I don't.

Why there? For various technical reasons - all of which are boring.

Well, there you go. I blogged. I'm off to lie down now.

Posted by j at 9:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I have invented a new phrase (or at least, I think I have - you never know)... Over Freecycling. This happens when Freecycling gets out of hand.

This happened to us last week when C asked me, "Do we want rainbow coloured curtains and a matching kids' duvet cover?" Usually when C asks me if we want any number of random items on Freecycle, I say "NO" and carry on doing whatever I was doing, but I've got a thing for rainbow stuff, and The Boy has too. So this time, I said yes, thinking they might come in handy at some point.

To cut a long story shorter, C arranged to meet the Rainbow Curtain Lady in the village that evening. However, it wasn't until we were out walking the dog, that we realised that C had forgotten all about it until the last minute, so we'd have to go on foot to meet her rather than taking the car. Ah, more enviromentally friendly and all that. Cool.

Um, no. This is us, remember?

Upon arriving at the meeting place, Rainbow Curtain Lady looked worried. "Don't you have a car?" she said.

"It's OK. We can put the curtains in the pram!" C replied.

THEN we realised they came in two very big bin bags, so we'd have to take The Boy out of his pram and put the bin bags in it instead, along with the bonus Jungle Book suitcase that the Rainbow Curtain Lady made C take too, because C is far too polite to say no, and because the snake on the suitcase lights up when you press the bear's nose, or something.

So we thanked Nice Rainbow Curtain Lady, then UP THE HILL we trudged with our pram laden with huge, heavy bin bags, a bonus suitcase, a dog and a baby. Did I mention that I also needed a wee? Irrelevant, but true.

And then, upon arriving home, we found that the rainbow curtains were not rainbow curtains after all. They were primary colour curtains. Very nice, BUT NOT RAINBOW!

So C took them away again the next day.

But did we keep the bonus Jungle Book suitcase? Of course!

So, that is Over Freecycling - bag lady prams are optional, though.

Mind you, my memory is even worse than C's - this morning I was about to start writing an essay, when I opened a file, thinking it was notes, to find that I had ALREADY WRITTEN IT before The Boy was born, and completely forgotten all about it. The joy!

In other news, Eclipse is doing. our. heads. in. Does anyone have any internet service provider recommendations? Or just tell me what you use and if it's any good? I'd be grateful for any comments in the comment box,(please)!

Posted by j at 4:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

ok so i'm under pressure here. i have the boy on my left arm - because he refuses to be elsewhere - while i type and eat toast with my right hand. the dog is salivating by my right elbow, wondering when i am going to give up on the toast and give it all to him.

so you will have to forgive the lower case.

who cares about capitalisation, anyway? lower case is the new black.

and yes, i could be wearing the boy in a sling. in fact, i WAS wearing the boy in a sling, but he decided that he wanted to hijack my arm instead. this means, of course, that the sling is still slung around my body... the swathes of black fabric make me look a bit like a cross between a headmistress and a pirate. sometimes, on days like this, i feel like i'm in fancy dress, swooshing around the house in delight with loose, babyless material trailing after me.

and then the tesco delivery man gives me a funny look and i whip it all off.

but anyway, this isn't a mummyblog. it isn't an anythingblog, actually. so i will move on and discuss the nation's favourite topic. the weather. and BBQs.

for example, our new gas BBQ will be delivered soon, i hope, but probably not in time for this weekend, which is forecast either to be rainy or sunny, depending on where you obsess over your weather information. hmm.

[the fact that we're getting a new gas BBQ stems from how a) we recently realised that our next door neighbour's newish boyfriend is BBQ Man #2, and life would be unbearable if we were unable to copy him; and b) C is our very own BBQ Man, but breastfeeding and lighting BBQs do not go together, so unless we get a gas one, we will never have a BBQ this year. that's why.]

oh, and does anyone agree that those nasty men in the apprentice are only there to make people like me, C, Ce, E and Jacks get mad, throw our shoes at the tv, and keep watching every single week, just in case they get fired?

Posted by j at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As clearly illustrated in our house this morning:

While we were eating breakfast, the window cleaner was outside doing his job. Of course, this made Harrythedog bark and growl in a frenzy, defending us and his house from the scary man with the moving swooshy thing and the long metal thing, despite us telling him to calm down because the window cleaner is our FRIEND.

Then, when the window cleaner went round to the cats' side of the house, they studiously ignored him.

And us.

And each other.

Posted by j at 9:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

A belated MERRY CHRISTMAS to anyone who happens to be reading this, though if you are reading this mid-January sometime, you probably won't care any more.

So yeah, Christmas '08 has officially been and gone - and a very good one it was, too, involving trips up and down the M1, far too much food and drink and plenty of cheer. The cats have been retrieved from the cattery and since then have been very busy checking that everything is still in the same place as before (it is); if C will be very annoyed if they dig a good few clawsful of wool out of our new carpet (of course); and that the out-through-the-front-door, in-through-the-back-door function still works (it does, every sodding time) ... all's well there, then.

While not tap-dancing on C's bladder, our baby-to-come has acquired and borrowed a large number of items, including a pram-type thing, with another to come from another kind person, because apparently they need more than one for different stages of growth, weather, terrain, occasion and flavour. It is going to be fun to see if they'll all fit in our house.

And Harrythedog is exactly the same as usual, in a very reassuring way indeed.

In other news, click here to read more about what to do if you live around here and can sign, and are at a bit of a loose end on January 10th. I've never been called a sign language enthusiast before - it makes me laugh and think of binoculars and wellies (oh, OK, both of which I happen to own) - but there's something quite cool about it. We've no idea what's going to happen, but it looks like quite a few people will be coming, hopefully. And yes, I will be the one in wellies.

Posted by j at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Firstly, I thank everyone very much for your really great captions. I WOULD announce the caption comp winner but my brain is mush at the moment so you will have to wait in suspense for a bit longer, i.e. until I finish the 57 things on my To Do list and whatever else.

I really shouldn't be blogging today because it's our last working day before Christmas - woo! - but I just had to ask everyone to pleaseee

CLICK HERE NOW TO VOTE FOR HARRYTHEDOG!

Yes, just click on the 5th cheeseburger, and maybe he will become famous... who knows.

As they - or indeed *I* - say, more soon.

Posted by j at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Just think - as C said excitedly afterwards - next year we'll have a baby to take the piss out of. Woo!

Posted by j at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

when you can see the moon at 5pm.

Perhaps the only advantage of having a dog that takes ages and ages to pee when it's freezing outside and you're ill and wishing he didn't need to sniff every single blade of grass before selecting one to pee on is that while you're standing waiting for him, you notice the beauty of your surroundings and nip to get your camera in an attempt to share them with everyone else.

And perhaps that was the world's longest sentence. Hooray!

Posted by j at 5:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

He may be getting old, but Harrythedog still loves a good runaround, even if he does get a bit stiff afterwards. And, as it's autumn (and there's a new autumnal header on this blog), there's nothing better than a good battle with a poor, unsuspecting stick. Like so...

... I never did understand dogs' obsession with sticks - C tells me that it's something to do with how wolves cleaned their teeth many years ago, or something like that.

And now I must go to bed because C is playing a computer game on the desk that adjoins mine, and it's making weird noises. Not that I would usually know or care, but her speakers are vibrating on my desk, so every few seconds I get a kind of BEEP and I look at her and she's staring intently at her screen, with an expression that would be more fitting to someone who was writing a serious, important document, not playing a Gorillaz bomb game.

Besides, Harrythedog wants us to get the hell out of HIS office so that he can sleep.

Posted by j at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The Dog, being the territorial creature he is, defended The Office doorway stubbornly. No was was he going to let The Cat in. In fact, The Cat could disappear forevermore, for all he cared; such an annoying animal it was. And anyway, The Dog felt strongly that The Office was his, because The People in it were to be defended at all times, including from The Cat.

Especially The Cat.

So there he stood, guarding the doorway to The Office and its inhabitants, growling softly. And there he stayed, until one of The People told him to stop being a horrible bully and leave The Cat alone.

And The Cat celebrated - as usual - by stalking annoyingly past The Dog and settling down for another day on The Dog's bed.

The Dog gave up. Again.

Posted by j at 12:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Having animal co-workers is great!

When Harrythecat isn't sitting on my mobile phone or my diary, he is trying to pin my arms down so that I can't type, or can only move the mouse a bit. C thinks I should turf him off, but he is honestly too cute. He's also quite funny. Just now, when I banned him from walking over my arm for the 5th time this afternoon, he shot me a positively horrified look, stalked over the desk to his princess cushion (oh, yes!) and sat glowering with his back to me for several minutes. Priceless.

And Harrythedog? He only cares if there's food around... if not, he just kips. And farts. Not forgetting the farts! Oh, and after a particularly long day, he will stare at me crazily, barking urgently at intervals, until I shut down my computer and give in and take him for a walk ... a walk that we BOTH need.

The best thing about furry colleagues? They don't argue over whose turn it is to make coffee.

Posted by j at 2:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Longtime blog readers will remember Harrythedog's successful (and quite brief) movie career* while I worked out how to edit digitally. And then I learned enough, and he retired. But today, for one day only, Harrythedogactor is back to celebrate the snow.

I also took zillions of photos, and will stick some on Flickr when I get around to it!

* If you're at all interested, most of them can be seen here, I think.

Posted by j at 3:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Posted by j at 4:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

2007 was a year in which Things Happened. I hope 2008 is a year in which More Things Happen. Good Things; to me and to you all. After all, as KR just said in a text which managed to wriggle through the jammed network and find its way to my phone:

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day!

... If the cat had a book, it would be a big, heavy spy novel, because everything is one huge conspiracy. He constantly unnerves me and C by stalking around suspiciously and staring at us through narrowed cat eyes, as if he is casing the joint and working out his new move in his 52-year masterplan. On the other hand, the dog's novel would be more like a comic; perhaps a Tom and Jerry-style one or something like that. He's easily pleased!

And my book? It's called To Be Continued...

Posted by j at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Don't you just hate it when everything breaks down just before Christmas, and you feel like "agh" because a) it costs money and b) you don't have time to deal with it because you're already spending your entire life trying to deal with the Pre Christmas Rush at work? Well, I do anyway.

And I know there are other things in the world more blogworthy that I should be moaning about, but I don't have the brainspace to think about them, so here is my list of breakages (in no particular order):

1) The car. Haaaaaa, of course it would be the car, because the car always breaks down just before Christmas every year. This year, not content with sustaining a dent after a youth* used it as - er - a trampoline, the car decided to have a puncture in its wheel too, which meant we had to drive around to no less than four garages this morning, before we found the one that was run by Tyre King, who knows everything there is to know about tyres. Then, while he was looking at it, we took the dog for a walk and almost got trampled by a herd of horses who ran at us (it's true... well, at least the dog almost got trampled). And now, we have to go back again tomorrow because Tyre King says blahhhhhh and blahhhhh and whatever, but mainly because it's the most complicated way of doing things.

*exhales*

2) The TV signal. Contrary to popular belief, living on a hill does not help you to get better TV signals, so tomorrow we are getting Sky TV**, because our electrician (who has been 11 times; we counted) said it's the only way we might actually see subtitles and proper TV channels and everything else that TVs are supposed to show.

3) My computer. Oh yes, siree. The Evil That Is V*sta has finally won the war and - er - done something. Sigh. So now my computer doesn't work without randomly switching itself off when I'm in the middle of the Pre Christmas Rush. Thank god for laptops, is all I can say, and that's strong coming from someone who hates laptops.

4) The dog.*** Who is now banned from under the bed for the rest of his life.

5) The cat. **** More catvice needed please, cat fans: how do you make a cat use his lovely new scratching pole thingy rather than scratching all of our doors and furniture to smithereens?

And that was my Broken Things Rant. Thank you and goodnight!

* - we think.
** - if you're interested in the special Dixons £75 deal and the website says it's sold out, don't be fooled because it isn't, and you can save a further 10% by putting in the code SKY10.
*** and **** - mainly just mentioned to annoy OPD, because she thinks I blog about the Harrys too much. And she is right!

Posted by j at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

... All blame/credit for the above must go to OPD, because she emailed me saying "I think this is very funny....you might not." and asked me to stick it on here. And I did, so I did.

But in all seriousness, the Government's carelessness and stupidity is not funny. Oh, no siree, it is not. There are many things I could say about it but I'm not in the mood.

Instead, I will tell my (in)visible blog readers our Harry Latest. They are both sulking because they went to the vet yesterday; Harry Corbett is convinced it's all a major conspiracy because we shut him in a box against his will and made him swallow an unidentified object, also against his will. And he is a cat, thus must be obeyed at all times, so he punished us by holding a hunger strike. Thankfully he has now given in and eaten, but is hiding behind Harry Barker's chair JUST TO MAKE SURE.

Harry Barker, meanwhile, is grumpy because he has hurt his back by over-chasing squirrels (at his age! oh, yes!) and is therefore banned from Under The Bed, which is one of his most favourite places in the world. He's tried to rebel and go there anyway but it's barricaded so he can't, so he has to stay in the office with me instead, WHICH IS NOT FUN.

And the over-nourished Pussy is nowhere to be seen, despite everyone's wise advice. Maybe s/he thinks we'll take her/him to the vet too?

Posted by j at 1:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have just fed Pussy*, the neighbourhood stalker cat who keeps scaring me through the kitchen window, for the second day running (and about the 5th or 6th time in total). When I told C this, she just said "Oh good," and carried on talking to her Dad on the phone, as if it was all completely normal.

That's what I want to know... is it normal to feed cats when you've no idea who they are or where they came from, but they're ever so - dare I say it - cute, and you feel really sorry for them and worry that they aren't getting enough to eat? While I'm far from harbouring kittens and becoming a crazy cat woman like A [dodging thump], I need to know. Because if I/we are doing the wrong thing by feeding Pussy and s/he will become over-nourished, if there is such a thing, then I/we will have to stop.

In the meantime, Harry Corbett is smugly sitting in Harry Barker's chair, while Harry Barker pretends not to notice, instead making us feed him bits of toast because he knows we feel The Guilt. Badly.

* - Not his/her real name. Probably.

Posted by j at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Harry is learning how Harry is God, thus must be obeyed at all times. He knows this because Harry The God has almost completely taken over our house, by positioning himself right in the middle of the sofa where he has a good view of his surroundings. Most of the time, Harry The God is quite calm and sleepy, but when approached by Harry, he growls menacingly to warn him that he is only a dog, and thus has no right to claim ownership of a house, never mind a piece of furniture. Like me and C, Harry accepts that Harry The God is God, and grudgingly surrenders his freedom, mostly because it just seems easier that way.

No surprises there, then.

Posted by j at 8:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

To cut a long, long story short, yesterday we went to a cat rescue place in search of a 3-legged cat called Mandu, but ended up with a different cat, who has 4 legs and is much less grumpy and scary. In fact, he isn't grumpy or scary at all, and is very nice indeed. So without further ado, here he is!

His name? Harry. Oh yes, it is.

As Harry is 12, and has been called Harry for 12 years (as far as we know), we don't feel it's very polite to change his name now. So Harry stays Harry, and the other Harry (who has been Harry for 10 years) also stays Harry. It has been a very Harry-ed weekend, and rather confusing. My sis, who was staying with us, remarked how it's a bit like the two Ronnies. So, for obvious reasons, we have given them surnames, thus "upgrading" them to Harry Barker and Harry Corbett (if anyone wants to know which is which, I will be surprised). They sound like a pair of old men, which is kind of what they are... we're joking that Mr Corbett is here for his retirement, and so he is.

And do our two elderly gentlemen get on? Err, not really. Not yet, anyway. Mr Barker was delighted to see Mr Corbett, who did not share his view, hissing evilly at him in disgust. Mr Corbett, however, seems to really like me and C, which is a little surprising, but helps a lot.

Maybe we'll just call him H.

PS: For the record, we also went geocaching, but couldn't find caches 5 and 6 because the map and the land totally didn't match and we were cold and wet and muddy, so we took wee sis to see geocache 4 instead, and made her find it. She was thrilled.

Posted by j at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

The best caption for this photo of Harry's favourite 'disappointed' expression (not to be confused with the different-but-similar 'Princess Di' face he also loves pulling) wins a prize.

Captions in the comment box, please!

Posted by j at 1:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)

42) The Dog. OK... probably not so much The Dog as The Dog's Farts. Jeesh, there is truly nothing like them, in this world, ever. His most annoying farts are definitely the really, really smelly ones that he will drop whilst sitting very close to you, and then he will get up and walk off into another room because he can't stand the smell. Like he did just now, the git. And that is why we don't have visitors very often - those who have been here know they should stay away because he is trying to kill all of (wo)mankind.

Posted by j at 7:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by j at 6:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Outraged that his blind date with Charlie had to be cancelled this afternoon because I'm not feeling well, Harry decided to get his revenge by chewing on someone's disgarded diabetes tablets while C took him out for a walk by the river instead. After a panicked call to the vet, we found out his motive... he needs to be fed half a disgestive biscuit every 30 minutes for eight hours to stop his blood sugar dropping.

Obviously, he's delighted.

(And he's fine!)

Posted by j at 5:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

(I'm still working out a few things, so if you miss the start just click REFRESH. Oh for the heady days of YouTube(!)

Posted by j at 5:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

... Because A is crazy, and because she wanted Harry to outdo Chuck. Well, we couldn't find a wig, but he does do gay very well, in my opinion...

Hey, Chuck, Chuck! See me in my tiara!

It's way better than your old lady Princess Leia wig.

AND I get paid in Doggy Choc Drops. Bet you don't!

Ahahahahaaaaaa.

(PS: Mona Lisa is still in pieces....)

Posted by j at 6:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

:-|

No, we have *not* bought Harry a wax jacket. We found it, honest! In a cottage we stayed in a while back. So of course we had to put it on him. We had to. It's in The Rules!

And tonight I found the evidence and couldn't let it go to waste...

*resumes p*ssing self*

Posted by j at 9:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by j at 10:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Posted by j at 9:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

C and I have just spent an hour cleaning Harry's blood from almost all of our household surfaces.

DON'T PANIC!!! HARRY IS FINE! DAMN ANNOYING, BUT FINE.

He has a small cut on his ear (and a hilarious plaster covering it), that he got by doing his usual Dog Things; running madly into bushes and smelling all the smells and digging and trying to catch rabbits and god knows what else lives in bushes anyway.

On his walk tonight, he managed to eat most of a dead fish - how he found it, I have no idea, as it was very, erm, dead, and we're not even sure it was a fish cos it was rather hard to tell - and then refused to drop it until C The Hero managed to pull it out of his jaws and throw it away. Then we realised he was dripping with blood, which was kind of weird cos the dead fish-type thing was too dead to have any blood anywhere near it... so we worked out that it was his own blood. Nice.

The only reason I didn't fly into a complete panic and scream and flail around and faint and stuff was cos C told me it had happened before, and it was probably only a small cut. She was right - it was a very small cut - but it had more blood in it than you'd believe possible. And because he is a dog, and because dogs have to shake when they are wet, when we got home he shook and shook until this amazing amount of blood was alllllll over our house.

I'm not joking; there were tiny spots of blood everywhere - on walls, floors, radiators, pictures, doors - you name it, it had blood on it!

C rightly pointed out that if she ever decided to become a murderer, she wasn't going to break any skin because of the mess. Damn right!

We are all banished to the garden until further notice. Thank god for wireless!

Posted by j at 9:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

So that they can take you for a long long walk along the canal towpath, and then, exactly 10 seconds before you're about to leave the towpath to walk back to the car, they jump into the canal to chase a duck - despite knowing it is a complete waste of time - thereby covering themselves, me, C, the car seat and the bathroom in grey slime... and then they run around the house and garden barking like a crazy animal when you try to towel them dry.

And that is why we have a dog!

Posted by j at 5:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

FAQs:
Does he often sleep like that? Yes.
Does he know he's having his photo taken? Probably.

Posted by j at 2:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

... Cos she's nagged and nagged me to death and I can't take it any more!

Tip: Press 'pause' at the start to let it load, then 'play'.

Posted by j at 5:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

This morning, Harry received this in the post from a crazy-but-kind-of-sweet fan:

The note was accompanied by these.

Harry says thanks very much to his fan - it is nice to know someone cares - and he is thinking about it (i.e. how to get as many Doggy Chocs as possible). In the meantime, you'll have to make do with the rollercoaster in the post below...

Posted by j at 10:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

TIP: Press "play" then "pause" straight away, and wait until the line has got to the other end. Then press "play" again and watch it without the stream stopping or jumping!

Posted by j at 3:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Working from home can have a strange affect on your sanity. I have been thinking this for a while, and realised I was right sometime after 5pm today, when I was staring at my computer screen in confusion, and found myself thinking "I want to go home!"

I then realised I was at home, and thus probably needed to get out more.

Luckily, Harry spent most of this afternoon asleep on the office floor next to my chair, as he often does, which means I can't move it in case I accidently slice off his tail (it's ok, I've trained myself not to), just to remind me that he was definitely there, and in case I ever forgot, he wanted to go for a walk at the exact moment I finished working, although anytime sooner would be just fine with him.

So, off we went in the rain, and now my brain is back in its right place.

Hooray for dogs! Harry, this blogger salutes you.

Posted by j at 6:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Someone's Monday morning definitely didn't start gently.

As soon as I let Harry off his lead for his morning walk, he sped off like a bullet. Meanwhile, a random woman was walking along towards us, staring at the pavement, obviously still asleep in her head.

She was rudely awakened when Harry ran past her as fast as his little legs could carry him, and screamed "AGH! JESUS!", and put her hand on her chest. All very dramatic!

Then, when she realised it was only Harry and not some kind of people-eating-monster or whatever, and that me and C were staring at her in amusement and trying not to laugh, she went bright red, mumbled "I'm OK," and rushed off much faster than she had been walking in the first place.

We knew we shouldn't, but we couldn't stop laughing for ages afterwards.

Posted by j at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Now that Harry has his own category on my blog, he demands that I write a list of things that annoy him too. FFS. Oh well, seeing as he is a very lovely, although also very grumpy and very easily annoyed dog, here goes...

1) Wheels. Wheels are the things that Harry hates most about this hateful world. They spin round too fast and must be chased at all times. Using much energy. This includes bike wheels, pram wheels, pushchair wheels and trolley wheels... though thankfully NOT car wheels(!)

2) Skateboards. The evillest of all wheels. Ever. Not to be tolerated in any circumstances. Skateboards are pure evil and no compromising.

3) When he is upstaged by other dogs, such as this Classic Chuck material. We always must remember that Harry is the cutest dog, ever. Always. Although he does look a bit gay.

4) When I am geeking out when he wants to go for walkies. Oh OK, come on then, sir...

TBC...!

Posted by j at 8:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I don't agree with testing things on animals but at least no-one was hurt...

Posted by j at 1:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

... because it's Friday afternoon and she asked so nicely!

(A tip: If the film keeps stopping, let it run through once and then press 'play' again.)

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Posted by j at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

(Sorry viewers - I am teaching myself stuff here - 'normal' (non-doggy) blogging will be back as soon as possible!)

Posted by j at 5:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

I was gobsmacked to see Harry on the front page of blip.tv after I played around with it to see how to videoblog. It moved down after a few minutes but seeing my dog on a mainstream website (if you can call blip.tv mainstream!?) was a weird experience indeed!

Those of you reading this too late to see him on the main page can click here to see him directly!

He is a natural at this stuff. Hell, he's already started charging me in Doggy Chocs. It'll be a Performer's Contract next!

Posted by j at 3:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

"NOW look what she made me do. At least this time I got 6 Doggy Choc Drops - j must have been feeling guilty!"

Posted by j at 1:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

No, I won't have my photo taken. You can't make me. I won't even look at you. Go away!

Look, if you don't get that camera out of my face, I'm gonna eat it, I'm telling ya.

WHASSAT NOISE? SOUNDS LIKE A TUBE OF GOOD BOY DOGGY CHOC DROPS BEING SHAKEN?
GIMME GIMME GIMME! NOW! I'M A GOOD BOY, I AM!

Posted by j at 7:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (8) | TrackBacks (0)

Bizarrely, C has broken up two fights in two weeks. We are all amazed!

The first fight was in a household shop called Wilkinsons, when C and K were innocently shopping (as usual!). They were looking at shampoo and things, when they suddenly saw two women - both with prams, shamefully - screaming rude things at each other. Then one woman punched the other one, grabbed her and threw her down on the floor and beat the hell out of her... C jumped in and separated them, and then held the craziest one back while K shouted in her face to calm down eh... a crowd formed and the babies wailed. Then 'security' arrived(!) C and K carried on shopping.

The second fight was last night. We were walking down our street with Harry, when the fastest blur in the world ran across our path and dived at Harry. Shocked, I saw that the blur was a dog, and a strange one at that... a cross between a Bull Terrier and a Border Collie (the result was a shaggy, chunky wee dog with a massive face)! So, we will call this dog BorderBull (BB).

BB and Harry started to fight, running round and round in circles on a random person's garden, with me, C and BB's owner frantically trying to get them to a) stop it pleaaaseeeeeeee and b) calm down. Well, that didn't work. Still fighting, the dogs moved into the middle of the road, causing a mini traffic jam, and just for good measure, BB's adopted brother (a HUGE brown dog about twice the size of BB and Harry put together) sat and watched, and barked crazily in a deep doggy voice.

Then the worst thing happened. Somehow, BB managed to bite Harry's ear, and clamped down hard. Poor Harry! They ran round in circles again, with BB's jaws firmly locked on Harry's ear, and the three of us nearing hysteria:

"STOP IT! Oh my GOD, STOP NOW"
"Harry!"
"BB!"
"Yowllllllllllllllllllllllll"
"Oh GOD!"
"Woof woof WOOF"
"Stop! Agh!"
"Harry!"
"BB!"
"WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!"
.... etc. You get the picture.

Just when it seemed it would never end, and BB would bite Harry's ear off and have it for dinner, C The Hero PUT HER FINGER IN BB'S MOUTH and rubbed his lip hard against his teeth to make him let go. It worked! Thank God! Hallejuliah, etc.

(Tip of the day for dog owners: If your dog won't drop something, it is a good idea to rub their lips against their teeth. They hate it. It is, however, risky, especially if the dog in question is crazy.)

BB's owner, bless her, would not stop crying, no matter how many times we said "He's OK, don't worry" or patted her arm. Blimey. He IS ok, apart from a small hole on his neck, and he is loving the attention and all the treats!

C is available for weddings, christenings, nightclubs and anywhere else that may need a security guard.

Posted by j at 7:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

.

...I think that's quite enough happy things for one day(!)

Posted by j at 7:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Jaysis! This weird thing just happened, as it would only happen on a Friday afternoon.... you know, on Friday afternoons when you're a bit braindead and can't really be bothered to work, and you spend about 2 hours trying to do something that usually takes you 20 minutes? And you wonder if it's worth emailing people cos they won't reply anyway, cos of the Friday Afternoon Rule That You Don't Have To Reply To Emails? So you Avoid Work by doing pointless-but-fun things like playing in the Gorillaz shooting gallery (see my links!) and other stuff like that?

Yeh? Well in my case, I decided to walk the dog around the dock.

It was all going to plan, until I was picking up Harry's poo (with a BAG of course!) and a man jogged past me, closely followed by a dog. He said something to me, pointing to the dog, but I didn't understand what. Anyway... man ran on.... I realised the dog hadn't followed him. Instead, he was sitting down staring at me and Harry. The dog looked like Geri Halliwell's dog - the expensive kind that Harry wants to eat - so I put Harry on lead just to be safe.

Unfortunately, this didn't work, cos GHDog decided it would be fun to chase Harry. After the 3 of us ran round in circles for a while, which was quite amusing, I suddenly realised what the jogger man had said to me:

"IT''S NOT MY DOG!"

And that realisation was quickly followed by "SHIT! HE'S FOLLOWING US HOME!"

Finally got GHDog to STAY on the pavement, while I took Harry home and logged onto MSN to ask C, "WHAT DO I DO?!" We decided I should leave Harry at home, and try and catch GHDog. Easier said than done.

I went back to the dock, and sure enough, GHDog was there. S/he sat and stared at me while I said stupid things like "here!" and "come to j!" in dog-friendly voices, and then turned and raaaaaaaaan when I had the cheek to move a bit closer. Unfortunately, this happened every time I moved, so I was left standing on the dock wondering what the hell to do. After a few minutes of mutual staring, a panicked-looking boy ran past. "Your dog's just down there!" I said, like a Someone Who Didn't Know What Else To Say. He looked rather relieved and carried on running.

Problem. He ran. GHDog ran faster. He ran again. GHDog ran again. And again and again. Until they were on the opposite side of the dock to me, and GHDog was nothing but a tiny blot of beige, moving quickly away from his owner (who was, by now, starting to get REALLY WORN OUT). I decided the best thing to do would be for me to run in the opposite direction, so I started on my way. Then I realised that was pointless cos I didn't even know a) GHDog's real name or b) if the owner really was the owner.

It was at THAT point that a worried looking man appeared from round the corner, with two leads in his hand - one with a dog on the other end that was EXACTLY THE SAME AS GHDOG and the other with nothing on the end! Perfect! I worked out that he was the boy's father, and told him where to go. "Thanks love!" he said, and off he went to find the beige blur of fur.

So, next Friday afternoon I will be staying indoors ;-)

Posted by j at 4:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)