.... random rants and rambles. no agenda. yet.

I know, I know. I haven't blogged since like, forever. There's even snow on the header photo! But anyway, I'm not going to sit here and write excuses. Who cares, anyway? I know you all care much more about the transformation of our garden. Well, you can always see the transformation of The Boy here.

So, yeah, here it is as it used to be - kind of without agenda and not very practical:

And then we got a landscaper and his Assistant Youth to come and drill through 12 inches of concrete (though the youth also spent a considerable amount of time asleep in their wheelbarrow. For real.) ...

They also put up a fence and railway sleepers, and we faffed around planting things...

Which have grown, and grown, although unfortunately, the fence still hasn't painted itself.

... so if anyone would like to come and paint it, you would be MOST WELCOME.

In other Before And After News, my Dad had the genius idea of having Harrythedog's hair cut, because the poor hound has never had it cut and has always been hot. It was one of those things we wished we'd thought of before. Years ago.

So today, lovely Harrythedog was transformed from this:

To this (much too excited to pose for a photo now):

Instead of looking older and fatter as we predicted, he looks about 5 years younger and 5 pounds slimmer. Ahhh!

And in OTHER Before And After News - wait! there is more! - in a week's time, C, The Boy and I have the very good fortune to be going to Canada. Part work, part play; all exciting and quite unbelieveable.

So, because when we toured Scotland a few years ago (before blogging and Twitter and stuff) I wasted all the photos I took and the notes that I WROTE ON PAPER! WITH A PEN! ...I am not making the same mistake again. If you click here you'll see where I'll be blogging to in Canada, and maybe after. Who knows? I don't.

Why there? For various technical reasons - all of which are boring.

Well, there you go. I blogged. I'm off to lie down now.

Posted by j at 9:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

4 days and 9 hours ago (around noon on saturday 13th february) ...

well, yeah. you could say that twitter has eaten this blog. let's face it; typing 140 character tweets is really quite undemanding, so when i get round to blogging, i'm totally overwhelmed at the vast amount of SPACE available and the vast amount of THINGS that i could/should/would have said.

youl'll have to forgive my typing - the boy is asleep under my right arm at the mo, which is mostly* a wondrous thing that we never thought possible during the crazy, sleep deprived time we had last night.

* except i need a wee, but we won't dwell on that.

so anyway.

we've all been ill in our house - the boy still is, poor love, which means lots of grumpy and several breathtakingly full nappies - and have descended into a state of utter disarray as a result (which is why i'm blogging; there's not a lot else i can do while trapped on the sofa with only my left arm free).

... and in the present moment ...

Woo, I feel like Dr Who. Yup, the tardis called me so I could not finish the above. I'm not quite sure what happened, except it involved The Boy being diagnosed with gastroenteritis (he's finally recovering, but not QUITE there yet), and lots of rushing around looking after him and doing lots of washing, and working, and quite a few other things in between.

I owe lots of people emails and need to tidy my desk. I have, however, managed to Tweet several times. Of course I've managed to Tweet! Twitter ate my blog.

More soon, maybe. You know where I am in the meantime...

Posted by j at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

1) Decide your TV stand is far too dangerous because your child is just starting to crawl, and therefore is likely to stick his fingers inside the DVD player and throw DVDs all over the floor.

2) Ignore the fact that you also have two freestanding bookshelves in your living room.

3) Claim TV stand WITH DOORS from nice Freecycler.

4) Pick up TV stand WITH DOORS and decide it needs sanding down.

5) Try in vain to obtain sanding machine from Freecycle.

6) Successfully borrow friend's sander.

7) Realise friend's sander needs sanding pads.

8) Google sanding pads.

9) Drive to local hardware shop, which does not stock correct sanding pads.

10) Drive to another local hardware shop, which also does not stock correct sanding pads, but employs a creative man who sells you two long strips of sandpaper instead.

11) Arrive home. Stick sandpaper in sander.

12) Attempt sanding. Lose interest.

13) Decide TV stand WITH DOORS is OK as it is; move into living room.

14) Realise the shelf inside TV stand WITH DOORS is broken.

15) Sulk while wife fixes shelf.

16) Sulk again, upon realising DVD player is TOO BIG for shelf.

17) Move TV stand WITH DOORS into hallway while wife re-assembles original TV/DVD/Freesat set up.

18) Stick TV stand WITH DOORS on Freecycle. Decide no one will want it.

19) Buy Christmas tree.

20) Decide TV stand WITH DOORS will make an excellent Christmas tree holder.

21) Receive emails from Freecyclers wanting TV stand WITH DOORS.

22) Give up. Blog.

Posted by j at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Sorry, Kathy.

I guess I just don't feel much like blogging at the moment - blame Twitter and its social-ness; blame work and the pre-Christmas rush, which sucks up time like there's no tomorrow; blame The Boy and his extreme cuteness; blame something else - c'est la vie.

At least I've been updating The Boy's blog regularly, and have just uploaded his first subtitled video (subtitled by C, of course!)... if you're in search of cuteness, click here!

Happy weekends, all!

Posted by j at 5:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... please leave a comment after the pretendy beep.

Otherwise - there's nothing to see here, so move along nicely, now.

Posted by j at 8:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've never been one of those people who like following celebrities on Twitter. Nothing against celebs; I just prefer to follow those who I know. (I'm sure Stephen Fry et al would be fantastic people to get to know, but that isn't the point.)

And this week, somehow, I stumbled upon Douglas Coupland and almost fainted in excitement. For those not in the know, Mr Coupland is my favouritest author ever - I, who rarely read books, have read almost all of his (the one or two I haven't read have been avoided for REASONS), and I usually buy his latest novel as soon as it's published.

So, I immediately became one of DC's religious Twitter followers, coming over all star struck when I got my first DC Tweet, which was something about coffee; "OH MY GOD! DOUGLAS COUPLAND TWEETED ABOUT COFFEE!" etc.

Of course, he is a good value Tweeter, posting links to brilliant videos like this, which was made entirely out of Lego, and saying gloomy stuff like "Life is like homework." which instantly becomes quotable. And I know this because I searched. Yes.

See? Even grumpy old me has idols too.

For now, I am trying to persuade C to watch the scary gory DVD which I bought because it was only £2.50. I don't even like gore...

Posted by j at 8:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

For of course, it has been quite an emotional day today. In no particular order, today I have been:

1) Triumphant: My PGDip British Sign Language/English Interpreting and Translation portfolio PASSED, which means I am now a qualified BSL/English Interpreter/Translator. Hooray!

2) Disgusted: Bloody BBC. Allowing freedom of speech is not the same as allowing a racist to try and brainwash the nation. Non-biased, my arse.

3) Relieved: Bloody Nick Griffin. Glad he showed his true colours. Don't think he's clever enough not to. The KKK are non-violent?! Please!

4) Annoyed: Bloody Sainsbury's swanned into Hebden this afternoon to spray the town square with fake snow and film an advert with Jamie Oliver, spurring the area's hetero females to surround him in glee, and me to try not to grumble about male chefs too much (purely for C's benefit).

5) Amused: C occasionally wishes I was hearing, but only for practical reasons. Like today, for example, when she and The Boy were in a different room from me and he threw up... she managed to catch it in his bib, but was powerless to do anything or move because she had him in one hand, and his puke-filled bib in the other. Got that? And what did The Boy do? He leaned forward and started lapping up the puke, just like Harrythedog loves to do.*

* C says I have to make it clear that the puke consisted of fresh breastmilk. Yeah.

Posted by j at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

You know it's time to update your blog when you get an irate comment from your (lovely) mother-in-law. Oops. So here goes, T!

I'm writing this on the playmat in the living room, with, of course, The Boy sitting in front of me, playing with the mounds of brightly coloured plastic that Every Baby Must Own - you can avoid it, but it will find you in the end - occasionally shouting his favourite new word; "AAAAH!" Because that's what The Boy loves to do; shout. Without warning. I think he may have got that one from his Mummy J.

I do have a good reason for not blogging, however. We've all had colds, which has meant The Boy's sleeping pattern has been downright weird, which, coupled with the fact we have a lot of work on at the moment, has been knackering. I salute the inventor of the snot sucker, however. Yes, there has been screaming, but without it, there would have been more screaming and more blockages than we knew what to do with - and all the mummies we've told about it agree. One said that when she asked for one in a chemist, the bloke who worked there looked at her funny and said, "Ooh, I don't think you should be using one of those. They sound dangerous!" Please.

BUT *I* know where you can get one, and when I told another mummy, she rushed off immediately with a determined look in her eye, declaring that she was going to get one "straight away." I felt like some kind of illegal arms dealer or something, not a mummy from Mytholmroyd who feels sorry for babies because they can't blow their own noses yet.

In other news, yesterday we went to The Evil That Is IKEA, where we rushed around frantically trying to find things to buy before The Boy had a meltdown (he didn't, as it happened, and we only didn't find one item, which is probably a record - and that was because it only exists in my imagination and not in real life). This frantic rushing involved using those shortcuts that IKEA helpfully lays out between "zones" - but my excellent spatial memory does not work properly in IKEA because everything looks the same, so we kept running around in circles, with C pushing The Boy in his buggy and me purposefully leading them through corridors and secret doors, only for C to look confused and ask me, "Haven't we been here already?"

It was kind of like groundhog day, except we were surrounded by sofas.

Afterwards, I realised that I've never been to IKEA without getting lost.

Posted by j at 9:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's been another week - or should I accept that this is just my life? - of mismatched events, parenting, working, running, domestic stuff and whatever else. So here I am on Saturday morning, blogging after I have been for a run, totally ignoring the fact that I need to go to the recycling centre, tidy the house and have a shower.

Get me and my gay abandon!

On a completely different note, this week I've been getting annoying emails. One thing that REALLY gets on my nerves is people who are full of shit or who bullshit others (not quite the same thing). Surprisingly, Oxfam have fallen into this category. The other day, I got an email from them with the subject header "PM Gordon Brown is waiting for your call."

No he is not! YOU want me to phone Gordon Brown about something political, which is why I've received this email from you - and I received this email because I'm on one of your marketing lists. So please do not insult my intelligence by pretending our Gordy is one of my mates and I know him so well that he's waiting for me to phone him (or rather, send him a text message because I don't do phones).

*Bins message*

And then I got ANOTHER email two days later entitled "The Prime Minister is STILL waiting for your call." I give up.

Yesterday brought about another annoying moment, when I got a bill from TalkTalk, who we've just signed up with for broadband/phone because Eclipse were really, really crap. And expensive, but that's another story.

"Sign up for online billing and save £1.25 a month" the paper bill advised me. So I did that, signing into my account, where I was told that I would have to PAY £1.25 a month if I wanted the priviledge of receiving a paper bill (wasting a few tree branches in the process). See what they did there?!

I won't even mention how we're mysteriously paying TalkTalk £6.49 for something that we didn't ask for, and therefore didn't want, that cannot be identified because I couldn't understand the rambling explanation I was given, and because C isn't going to phone them until Monday because we reckon everyone else will be phoning them at the weekend. Sigh.

The moral of this story? Always read the small print; even when you think you've done so already.

And now! It is the weekend! So I am going off to enjoy it.

Posted by j at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This info about the new emergency SMS service for Deaf people is doing the rounds - you've probably seen it already, but I decided to post about it just in case.

It's f*ing brilliant, if you ask me. Although, quite frankly, any excuse not to use Typetalk is brilliant, especially as minicoms are so last year. Funnily enough, when we visited E last Sunday, I noticed she HAD A MINICOM in her living room and asked if she actually used it.

She said it was "for display only." Ha.

Emergency SMS - woo!

Posted by j at 9:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

For all of you old relics Twitterphobes, here's what I've said this week on Twitter thus far (not including messages to specific people; of which there are many)...

why are mondays so confusing? keep needing to work out what i'm meant to be doing, then forgetting, then remembering. it's a vicious circle.
12:45 PM Sep 7th

just been for a run.woo!
9:58 AM Sep 8th

at 09.09am on 09/09/09, i was bathing the baby because he was covered in nectarines.
9:39 AM Sep 9th

just been under the bath in a plumbing emergency. yikes!
10:15 AM Sep 9th

for those interested in the bath emergency(!) i was tightening a loose nut after water sprayed everywhere..! nowt to do with nectarines.
7:06 PM Sep 9th

if i disappear off the face of the net tmw, that's cos we're switching BB provider and i'm not ready, & the dongle isn't working. just fyi!
7:20 PM Sep 9th

excellent running weather! woo!
about 11 hours ago

run, robert, run, robert, run run run.
about 3 hours ago

blogging my tweets, just to see how insane they make me look.
less than 5 seconds ago

Now you know what you're missing(!)

Posted by j at 8:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Wish everyone who read this blog (all 3 of you) would come on Twitter instead. It's constantly moving and updating and, well, interesting, while I'm feeling so outdated here at SHD. Changes may be afoot soon... stay tuned (or not!)

In the meantime, here is a brief snippet of my life in links:

Fun, weird and generally eccentric.

I keep meaning to watch this soon, and this.

Finally, I can't believe I haven't linked to The Boy's blog on here before, but, well, I have now. My, hasn't he grown?

Posted by j at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I feel like I've been sucked into a vacuum and have just popped out at the other end, catapulted into the air at high speed, unsure where I'm going to land.

Um, yeah. Something like that, anywyay.

Of course I haven't. In the last 17 days since I updated this blog *gasp* I've almost finished my PGDip portfolio, *double gasp* except for two pieces of evidence *sigh* that are taking forever to arrange, despite the kindness of many people *double sigh*. Like popping out of a vacuum, I'm sure I'll get there in the end.

And apart from being mummies (which involves attending a multitude of baby groups where The Boy loves to shove everything in sight into his mouth and leave trails of drool everywhere - Swine Flu alerts, anyone?), it seems that C and I have been doing just about everything online.

To start with, we've been Freecycling AND eBaying like mad, which involves selling all of our unneccessary items - of which there are MANY - and giving away anything that's too obscure to sell. This means that we've been going back and forth to the post office and weighing random items wrapped in bubble wrap, finding out how much it would cost to post them to France, Germany or the West Midlands. We've also been going back and forth to our front door and handing over debris to locals who value it.

I've also had my head in Twitter and F@cebook (there, I admitted it, but it still drives me nuts and I enjoyed my two weeks off), largely because I set up a F@cebook group and I like counting how many people have joined. It's a double edged sword, though, F@cebook, because some annoying ex-classmate uploaded a pile of old school photos this week too, and it's kind of hard to promote your business at the same time as your name's being dragged through retro mud. Mind you, some of them have been hysterical.

So, when Ce told me she'd bought a travel journal to document her travels in Taiwan, I was kind of amazed.

Me: You mean, a journal, like with paper?

Ce: Yes.

Me: And you're going to be writing in it with ... a pen?

Ce: Yes!

Me: Wow.

C (chipping in): It has been known, you know.

Me: And you're not going to upload any photos to F@cebook, or, maybe even ... a blog.

Ce: No, can't be bothered with all that. I'm fine with my book!

Me (panicking): But how will we know that you're OK?!

Ce: Oh, I might email you. And I might use my journal to help me create a photo DVD later on.

C: See, she's got the right idea!

Me: I'm going to have to blog that.

Andf it must be said; I think Ce has the right idea indeed.

Posted by j at 6:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Umm yes, Hebden Bridge is a dangerous, dodgy place where gangs throw trainers on telephone lines to show where crack dealers live - as evidenced here, and believed by C (my theory is that someone took the piss out of a drunken teenager).

That was just an overdue random observation of no significance, by the way.

Another random issue: The wedding video which 'disappeared' off my last post can be seen on YouTube here. Enjoy!

My brain is too full to throw up any other news of importance, apart from the fact that I currently have Office Rage. My PGDip portfolio is drawing to an end (hoof*ingray!), which has had a direct impact on the office, which is currently a disorganised, slightly dishevelled heap of cables, filming and computer equipment, papers, books, more papers, baby clothes for Freecycle, and, er, a trampoline.

Don't ask. Just call Kim and Aggie.

Posted by j at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Seriously?!

LOVE it.

Posted by j at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I haven't fallen down a drain. I haven't been sucked into Facebook Hell (in fact, I have taken a week off Facebook to allow my brain time to flex itself - it is enjoying its holiday so much it doesn't want to go back). I have simply been filling my PGDip portfolio and emptying the house of too many items that need to be Freecycled - or eBayed! guess who's a brand new seller?! gulp! - because WE DON'T NEED THEM, and we probably never did.

So if you are looking for entertainment, see below:

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and get some wheels from the loft. Don't ask!

Posted by j at 8:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Overheard in our house just now:

C: I need to go and rescue the cake from the oven...

Me: The cat's in the oven?!

Posted by j at 2:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I have invented a new phrase (or at least, I think I have - you never know)... Over Freecycling. This happens when Freecycling gets out of hand.

This happened to us last week when C asked me, "Do we want rainbow coloured curtains and a matching kids' duvet cover?" Usually when C asks me if we want any number of random items on Freecycle, I say "NO" and carry on doing whatever I was doing, but I've got a thing for rainbow stuff, and The Boy has too. So this time, I said yes, thinking they might come in handy at some point.

To cut a long story shorter, C arranged to meet the Rainbow Curtain Lady in the village that evening. However, it wasn't until we were out walking the dog, that we realised that C had forgotten all about it until the last minute, so we'd have to go on foot to meet her rather than taking the car. Ah, more enviromentally friendly and all that. Cool.

Um, no. This is us, remember?

Upon arriving at the meeting place, Rainbow Curtain Lady looked worried. "Don't you have a car?" she said.

"It's OK. We can put the curtains in the pram!" C replied.

THEN we realised they came in two very big bin bags, so we'd have to take The Boy out of his pram and put the bin bags in it instead, along with the bonus Jungle Book suitcase that the Rainbow Curtain Lady made C take too, because C is far too polite to say no, and because the snake on the suitcase lights up when you press the bear's nose, or something.

So we thanked Nice Rainbow Curtain Lady, then UP THE HILL we trudged with our pram laden with huge, heavy bin bags, a bonus suitcase, a dog and a baby. Did I mention that I also needed a wee? Irrelevant, but true.

And then, upon arriving home, we found that the rainbow curtains were not rainbow curtains after all. They were primary colour curtains. Very nice, BUT NOT RAINBOW!

So C took them away again the next day.

But did we keep the bonus Jungle Book suitcase? Of course!

So, that is Over Freecycling - bag lady prams are optional, though.

Mind you, my memory is even worse than C's - this morning I was about to start writing an essay, when I opened a file, thinking it was notes, to find that I had ALREADY WRITTEN IT before The Boy was born, and completely forgotten all about it. The joy!

In other news, Eclipse is doing. our. heads. in. Does anyone have any internet service provider recommendations? Or just tell me what you use and if it's any good? I'd be grateful for any comments in the comment box,(please)!

Posted by j at 4:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Oh, no. My head is largely preoccupied by the above cuteness that demands to be played with and changed and jiggled to sleep.

And when I'm not doing that I'm busy FINISHING my PGDip portfolio that I have delayed for, oh, about a year or more. It is not going to go away, and strangely enough, The Boy is quite a good motivator because a) he has another mum who can also do jiggling and b) the sooner I HAND IT IN ALREADY, the sooner I can co-jiggle.

Oh, and I'm also on Twitter quite a lot, talking nonsense. Just so you know. It's much better than F@cebook.

Posted by j at 5:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Goodness me, the wastage. What's wrong with Freecycling a good old telly?!

(*As spotted at a recycling centre in Devon. Yes, I do go and take photos at random recycling centres when I'm on holiday; I'm funny like that.)

Posted by j at 4:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It has been 20 days since I last blogged. Forgive me, O Whoever, for my sins.

Did you miss me? I thought not.

I don't know where all the time went, but now it's gone, so all I can do is blog about it. So, yeah, we went to Devon, attended a lovely wedding, then had a nice week walking on beaches and stuff, then came back home again, relatively unscathed, except for the fact that the journey there took 8 hours and 10 hours on the way back (we took a detour to see some friends and then C's parents). If you have ever shared the back seat of a car with a screaming baby, you will know that it is really not fun, and when you arrive at wherever you were headed, you will be so grateful that you could eat your own feet.

So, go to hell, Google Maps. You're doing it all wrong.

In fact, we nearly didn't make it home from Devon at all, because C helpfully hung our car key up with her parents', and her mum accidently took it to a local shop with her that morning and put them all down on the counter while she paid. Then, when she was leaving, the shop assistant held up our car key and asked if it was hers, so of course, she said no.

MUCH frantic searching later, we established this, so then I had to go along to the shop to identify our key, amidst funny looks from whoever was in the shop at the time. Sometimes, life is complicated.

In other news, it certainly seems to be Killer Cat Season at the moment. I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS. We've worked out that Harrythecat mercilessly likes to kill baby voles and other furry things that are too young and bewildered to know how to escape from his murdering clutches. NOT HAPPY. Also, apparently, Brian likes to eat the remains. DEFINITELY NO HAPPINESS.

All of this is made worse by the fact that the long grass in the field behind our house has been chopped down and made into haystacks, because this means that Harrythecat can find his poor defenceless prey more easily - I know this because I SAW HIM DO IT the other day - and it also makes my hayfever much worse... I had to get up really early this morning because I couldn't stand not being able to breathe and wanting to scratch my eyes out any longer. Sigh.

Mind you, now that the grass is down, C and I saw a fox in the early hours of this morning, far, far away up the hill. From the way that he was scurrying around, you could tell that he was thinking, "Where the f*** have they put my grass?!"

Precisely.

Posted by j at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I haven't updated this blog for a while because the dog ate my homework and then the computer blew up and when I gathered up the pieces I realised there was a bit missing so it didn't work any more. Or something.

Seriously, aside from the usual flurry that is my life, I've been bogged down by hayfever, which has left me feeling as if someone blew pepper in my eyes, sucked out my brain and replaced it with a ball of cotton wool, then filled my nostrils with sandpaper. God. Today, I gave up on the cheap medication that I was taking and went to see our nice local herbalist, who gave me some special tiny tablets that you have to put on your tongue and they dissolve. Oddly, they don't taste of anything, which is probably a good thing. I'm just glad that I feel better already, although there are 450 - yes, 450! - in the box, which I calculate will last me for 36 days because I have to take 12 a day. Weird.

In other news, I have been Hero Mummy twice this week; today by dashing around in the rain (yes, I know, what's that about?!) with the empty pram, cramming it into the car and driving round the corner to pick C and The Boy up, so they didn't get wet, BUT MY FOOT GOT SOAKED. The other heroics were also weather-related, when one night I drove to the 24-hour Tesco to buy a fan because it was too hot for The Boy to sleep. Of course, the 24-hour Tesco HAD NO FANS, but the late-closing Sainsbury's had a vast array of them instead. Phew.

Having cooled down, The Boy is doing great, although he seems to be teething, or at least warming up to it (a health visitor told us "it might just be his teeth moving around in his gums" which makes me feel pale inside), which means he screams more than usual. He doesn't usually scream or cry much, so it's a bit unnerving having a calm baby who suddenly goes purple and wails as if something bad just happened - but we can't see the bad thing, which makes it a bit confusing sometimes.

He did enjoy being pushed on a 2-hour hill walk last Sunday, though. Yes, I know that was a bit insane, but it seemed too hot for slings, so we prammed it up and down the country lanes of Calderdale.

Oh, and Big Brother 10 has started. Maybe this year, I'll like it for more than two days. We'll see!

Posted by j at 8:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

As my lovely hairdresser, Diane, would say (complete with dramatically rolled eyes, backwards tilted head and a grand hand gesture), I've had a week.

Nothing overly dramatic or grand has happened, though; it's just been one of those weeks where there never seemed to be any pockets of nothingness - there was always something to do that had to be done immediately - as if the "play" button got stuck and life became on loop. I am rambling.

Rather frighteningly, since joining Facebook last week, I've somehow acquired 174 "new" friends so far. Even more frighteningly, this required virtually no effort other than me repeatedly clicking my mouse button about 200 times, without thinking about it too much. I also managed to join someone's circle of thingies, then accidently created my own and added people to it, then apologised for the inconvenience because I had no idea what I was doing. Since then, I've just ignored any offers of games, circles or whatever. I'm too old.

In true Diane-week fashion, this week also involved a long, long journey back from Berwick that took 6 and a half hours rather than 3 hours and 15 minutes as the sat nav said it should, because we had to pull into a layby just outside Newcastle to feed The Boy (C) and do some emergency work while connected to a good 3G mobile signal (me), then pull over again because The Boy needed changing twice, and Harrythedog needed to be walked round a car park in the pissing down rain, then we had to take a detour because unfortunately part of the M62 was shut. And then we got a bit lost.

The best part of all of this is that Google Maps tells me that our trip to Devon next month should take "about 5 hours 26 mins". When I told C this, she laughed wildly, as if I'd just suggested we don rucksacks and walk down the motorway with the pram. Google Maps really should take people's variables into account. I can just imagine it now:

Estimated required number of toilet stops per hour? Er, one.
Number of animals in transit? One.
Number of adults? Two.
Number of children? One.
Age of child? Three months.
Is your child prone to random screaming when in transit? Yes.
Does your child have colic? No.
Think yourself lucky then. Estimated journey duration: about 14 hours and 23 mins.

I think that's going to be a journey.

Posted by j at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For various complicated reasons - none of which are worth blogging about - today, I held my breath and joined The Evil That Is F@cebook.

Yes, I know.

And no, I didn't want to do it.

So why did I do it? Because I had to.

So anyway, I did it and I'm kind of sick of it already. C thinks I secretly like it, but really, I feel like someone removed my brain and replaced it with a giant interactive catalogue featuring everyone in the entire world (except C, and about seven other people). Scarily, when I joined, FB "suggested" about 14 million people who I might like to be friends with... and I knew many of them. So they obviously employ clever geeks who have weaved some kind of web between everyone and their friends, and their friends' friends, and their friends' friends' friends and whoever else is a fan of whatever they are a fan of. I'm having enough trouble trying to locate my "Wall".

It's a bit like trying to stay on a treadmill that's moving too fast. It is exhausting.

There seems to be two main types of people on FB; those who tell me "Oh, I only put basic information about myself there. I use it so that I can see everyone's photos, that's all. It's crap!" and those who treat it like a second job.

Me? I'm the type who switches off her computer and flees downstairs to make the tea, talking earnestly with The Boy, who is thankfully far too young for poking people, sharing weird quizzes and having 1,289 friends.

Thank God.

Posted by j at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This is what happens when I surrender my Tesco.com shopping powers to my wife, in favour of drying my hair, which takes a long time.

C (Coming into bedroom from office): Do you want Diet Coke?

J: Er, yes. Thanks.

C (Leaving office): OK.

= Two minutes later =

C (Returning): I need cat litter advice.

J: What?

C: Is there a reason why we buy this litter and not the cheaper one?

J: There is a reason. I can't remember it, but there is one.

C: Oh.

J: Why not buy both?

C (Retreating): OK.

= One minute later =

C (Popping head around door): Do we need tray liners?

J: No.

= One minute later =

C (Furious): The internet connection is down!

J: Don't worry, it'll all be saved in your shopping basket.

= Two minutes later =

C: Can we buy Felix cat food? It's on special offer.

J: What's special about it?

C: Nothing.

J: Buy it then.

= 30 seconds later =

C: J...?

J: What?!

C (Smiling sweetly): ... Am I annoying you yet?

J: Yes.

Posted by j at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

yesterday, me and c were walking down the hill with harrythedog and the boy, when we came across a pigeon sitting in the middle of the road.

noting that although it was a quiet single-track road, pigeons do not usually sit in such places, i asked c (who knows far more about biology and stuff than i do) if she thought the pigeon was injured.

"yes, i think so," she said.

"do you think it's going to die?" i asked her.

she nodded solemnly. "maybe."

as we walked closer and closer to the pigeon, i felt really sad and sorry for it, but couldn't think of anything i could do to help it, mainly because i'm a bit of a wimp. knowing this, c offered to pick it up and move it to the side of the road so that it wouldn't get run over. i agreed that this was a good idea, so she put the brake on the pram and went to pick up the poor, helpless pigeon.

then, the poor helpless pigeon flew off!

is it bad that i laughed all the way down the hill?

Posted by j at 1:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

ok so i'm under pressure here. i have the boy on my left arm - because he refuses to be elsewhere - while i type and eat toast with my right hand. the dog is salivating by my right elbow, wondering when i am going to give up on the toast and give it all to him.

so you will have to forgive the lower case.

who cares about capitalisation, anyway? lower case is the new black.

and yes, i could be wearing the boy in a sling. in fact, i WAS wearing the boy in a sling, but he decided that he wanted to hijack my arm instead. this means, of course, that the sling is still slung around my body... the swathes of black fabric make me look a bit like a cross between a headmistress and a pirate. sometimes, on days like this, i feel like i'm in fancy dress, swooshing around the house in delight with loose, babyless material trailing after me.

and then the tesco delivery man gives me a funny look and i whip it all off.

but anyway, this isn't a mummyblog. it isn't an anythingblog, actually. so i will move on and discuss the nation's favourite topic. the weather. and BBQs.

for example, our new gas BBQ will be delivered soon, i hope, but probably not in time for this weekend, which is forecast either to be rainy or sunny, depending on where you obsess over your weather information. hmm.

[the fact that we're getting a new gas BBQ stems from how a) we recently realised that our next door neighbour's newish boyfriend is BBQ Man #2, and life would be unbearable if we were unable to copy him; and b) C is our very own BBQ Man, but breastfeeding and lighting BBQs do not go together, so unless we get a gas one, we will never have a BBQ this year. that's why.]

oh, and does anyone agree that those nasty men in the apprentice are only there to make people like me, C, Ce, E and Jacks get mad, throw our shoes at the tv, and keep watching every single week, just in case they get fired?

Posted by j at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The Co-op/RN.ID lovefest continues. And here is Part 2, which happened today:

I enter Hebden Co-op, groaning as I remember again about the RN.ID being its Charity of the Year. I do my shopping (with some difficulty, due to lack of kip) and then queue at the checkout. While I'm queuing, I notice a large poster advertising a raffle to raise money for none other than the RN.ID. The prize is a vast amount of chocolate, but I am not tempted. I pay for my shopping...

Cashier: (Brightly) Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?

Me: (Equally brightly) Um, no thank you.

[Cashier looks very surprised and stares at me.]

Me: Is it for the RN.ID?

Cashier: (Recovering) Yes.

Me: Well, then. I'm Deaf and I don't agree with the RN.ID, so, no.

Cashier: (Surprised) You're Deaf?

Me: Yes.

Cashier: And you don't want...

Me: No. I don't agree with the RN.ID.

Cashier: (Rather horrified) Why not?!

Me: Er, it's a long story.

[The cashier leans forward in interest, but I note that the queue behind me is not interested, so decide against trying to explain.]

Me: I don't like charity. No charity.

[The cashier eyes me suspiciously.]

Cashier: (Defiantly) I'm learning sign language!

Me: That's good. That's very good!

[I finish filling my bags, sign THANK YOU and leave, with the cashier and everyone in the queue giving me odd looks.]

God, this is hard work.

Posted by j at 3:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Just in case anyone was wondering (if you weren't, you learned something for nothing anyway).

In other news, I did something wild and crazy today. I deleted my Bebo account. Haven't used it for ages, anyway, but it was kind of empowering.

I feel free.

And yes, the suspense is killing me.

Posted by j at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Sometimes I am even gladder than ever that I don't do phones. The phone just rang here and C answered (of course)...

C: Hello.

Random woman: Hello?

C: Hello?

Random woman: Hello?

C: Hello?

Random woman: Hello.

C: Erm, hello.

Random woman: I was just ringing to see if you were in.

C: Well, I am in.

Random woman: Yes.

C: Who are you, anyway?

Random woman: Er, I think I may have dialled the wrong number.

C: I think so, yes.

[/CLICK]

[/CONFUSED LAUGHTER]

Posted by j at 1:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

C just emailed me (from the other end of the desk) to say that the above kitteh reminded her of me. I wonder why.

Posted by j at 10:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

... until our estimated due date (also known as Friday 13th March; also known as Red Nose Day *sigh*).

HOW SCARY IS THAT!?

Posted by j at 2:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Whew, thanks everyone, for the catvice I asked for in my last post. So the answer seems to be; we are powerless and at the mercy of Harrythecat and Brian, who are going to do what they please, no matter what we try or how many combinations we try it in. I had a feeling that would happen.

Still, I think we will try hiding Brian's food from Harrythecat, as per Ce's suggestion. Harrythecat isn't the sharpest cat in the litter tray, bless him, so that might work. Stay tuned!

Life has changed considerably this last week. No, the baby hasn't come yet; I am now focussing on filling my PGDip portfolio before they do*.

*Note to self: That isn't going to happen, you fool!

What this means is that I am now in the middle of two essays, both of which are developing too slowly for my liking, and both of which require unobtainable references (one is in the post as I type, I hope), meaning I've spent hours today stumbling around all over the internet looking though trillions and trillions of journals, forgetting what I'm looking for, then starting new searches, going back to old ones and trailing off on confusing new tangents, over and over again. My head hurts.

I think it's safe to say that academia does not suit my personality. Thankfully, this is short lived, and I should be able to go back to being a normal person again soon. No offence to academics reading this... your jobs are hard.

To counteract all of this, avoid work and stave off doom, I have resurrected my Twitter account, and am now fully up to date on the Digital Spy headlines, plus the minutae of 27 random people's lives. Phew.

Posted by j at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

How do you get cats to either a) respect each other's separate food bowls, or b) share nicely... or c) do both?

Is this even possible?!

Yours in gratitude.

J

Posted by j at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)

Please stop trying to sell me the copious amounts of chocolates, alcohol, eco friendly gadgets and red/pink themed random items which you have 'cunningly' disguised as Valentine's Day gifts. I have not fallen for your ploys, and will not be falling for them.

I am a woman.
I know what to do.
I am prepared.

And do you know what? I might well have purchased my OWN Valentine themed random items ALREADY. Oh yes, I might. So, I'm not buying yours. Oh, no.

So, please stop emailing me every five minutes. It's not working.

Thank you,
The Management

Posted by j at 1:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Imagine our surprise this morning when we looked outside and saw the window cleaner pitching up in the middle of a snow flurry. When C paid him, she remarked that this was the first time we'd ever seen him NOT wearing shorts.

"Oh yeah, even I'm not that mad," he said.

"Mad enough to be doing that in this weather," said C, in admiration.

Our dedicated window cleaner laughed. "God loves a trier."

Posted by j at 9:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... or so says the MET office. What's the difference between fog and mist anyway?!

I guess more snow will just disguise the huge sheets of ice paving this area. Scary. I almost slid faaar down the hill the other day, and would have ended up in an undignified (and painful) heap if I hadn't grabbed at the nearest parked car. Harrythedog was not impressed.

Posted by j at 3:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was about to upload one of the snow photos that I took earlier, when I realised they wouldn't be much good because it's snowed more since then, and now it's dark so I can't take any more today. But there's always my new header (click SHIFT-REFRESH if you can't see it) for the time being.

So anyway, we've got about four inches of snow at the time of typing, as it's snowed most of today and last night, and it doesn't really look like stopping for long. This is quite good, except I am not well (again! yes, I know!) enough to go for a long walk with the dog, much to our disappointment, though I am hoping tomorrow will be better because he's such a snow lover and ahhh, who am I to turn a wee dog down? Of course, the cats hate it more than tuna flavoured Whiskas, which is quite a lot indeed.

At least it got us out of a tour of the local maternity unit with a midwife who speaks in paragraphs rather than sentences - she likes the sound of her own voice, as my parents would say - because she can't get over the hill or back up again, so it's too risky, and having all those pregnant ladies driving about isn't a good idea, and... you get the idea. We will reschedule, but my ill brain is thankful that it doesn't have to be dragged up and down hills and along wards and in and out of rooms by someone who talks in paragraphs tonight.

Tomorrow night is Mary Poppins night, if the roads - and my nasal passages - are clear (sorry if that was a bit too much information). Perhaps we could get a lift with her and her magic flying brolly?

Right, now I have to re-dress myself in my wooly hat and my wellies - Dad, I am turning into you! hooray! - and take the dog for his evening snow fest.

**** End of ill brain emptying. ****

Posted by j at 6:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I keep forgetting that, for some absurd reason, the Co-op has decided that the RN.ID is its 2009 charity of the year. I've tried remembering what its charity of the year was last year, but cannot, which makes me ask; WHY THIS YEAR?! And WHY THE RN.ID?!

We are lucky enough to have two Co-ops around here, both of which I visit regularly, and both of which are festooned with RN.ID bunting and buckets, and loads of RN.ID propaganda claiming that the money will "directly benefit deaf and hard of hearing people in the local community." My arse, it will. And why exactly we need benefitting, anyway, is beyond me. They aren't exactly going to pay our tax bill or come round and offer to walk the dog while we get some kip, are they? What a load of B*******.

But anyway, I keep forgetting about all of the above, which means that the following sequence keeps playing out (like it did tonight)...

* I rush into the Co-op, completely forgetting that a) I'm Deaf and b) the Co-op is trying to "help" me.

* I rush around filling my basket with items, still oblivious.

* I rush to the checkout...

* ... and then FREEZE when I see the RN.ID crap all over the place, praying that the staff don't notice/remember/discover I'm Deaf and make a big thing out of it, saying things like "Oh, you're Deaf! Isn't the RN.ID ever so good?", because I can't be bothered to explain the truth.

* Lots of grinning and nodding is involved when I'm paying. I'm also standing stock-still, just in case I move Deafly. Or something.

* I leg it, cursing how I could possibly have forgotten again.

And it's only January. A whole year of this farce. Oh joy.

Posted by j at 8:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

OK, so FB allows you to meet people you haven't seen for 23 years (possibly for a good reason that you're yet to be reminded of, but hopefully not). Jolly good. But people DO keep saying they are bored of it, and the above video makes my brain spin FAST.

Whew.

Posted by j at 6:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

... just try being stalked by someone else with the same name as you.

At least, that's what happened to poor C today. As you may know, we're both Avoiders Of Facebook, so cannot be tracked down that way. However, C's old Chemistry classmate was minding his own business today when he came across someone on the internet with the same name as C, so he emailed the other C (!) and asked if she was his old classmate at the school they went to. She told him she wasn't, and Googled "their" name (!!) then found the real C on our business website and emailed the classmate with her CV (!!!) And THEN, the bewildered classmate emailed the real C and told her all of that.

(C is now peering at me in concern as I burst out laughing after I typed the above paragraph, but please be assured that it is true. And, she has just tracked down HIM, and he turned out to be a lawyer, totally unaware of any stalkage going on. Oh, and why bother doing Chemistry A Level in the first place if you're going to be a lawyer or an interpreter?)

So, there's definitely no need for Facebook if you want to find your old friends. People always email me the cool stuff they put on Facebook anyway, because if they don't, I shout at them. And, I've lost count of the number of times people look jealous when I tell them I'm not on it, as if I'm the only person they know who hasn't got themselves addicted to crack.

But that is one of the reasons I won't touch it. Because I KNOW it's addictive and I KNOW I will spend hours stumbling down and down and down and down through a massive neverending black hole of profiles and useless information and too many details and whatever else. That's what happened when I tried Bebo anyway. There is no room in my life for another vacuum.

Besides, as someone who I met this week told me, she calls Facebook "Life F***". I think that says everything.

Posted by j at 8:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Never mind children... what is it with adults and snow?!

No sooner does it start snowing in various places in northern England, than I get people popping up on MSN, "It's snowing here!" ... "I can't wait to go outside!" ... "I'd do anything to be outside in it!" etc. To be honest, I hadn't noticed if it was snowing here or not because I was in the middle of doing something confusing with someone's CNAME records and looking out of the window was a bit risky. But I looked, and so it is; snow has reached our parts for at least the third time this year. C even texted me to check it was on the hills, and was thrilled to hear that yes, it is.

It's hard not to feel smug about the weather sometimes, even though of course I cannot take any credit for it; just because we happen to live somewhere where snow will actually stay on the ground when it lands, rather than turning into grey slush like it does in places like, oh, London. However, I am mainly feeling lethargic, as I contemplate doing yet more leafletting for Kerbside (another story for another day); maybe not tonight.

And here I am, blogging about snow.

Posted by j at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

====

In the office....

C: [Pained expression] That cat's whinging again.

Me: OK.

[I pick up Harrythecat, muttering cat-talk rubbish, carry him downstairs and shut him in the OH, SO COMFORTABLE living room. I return to the office.]

Me: [Cackling] I HAVE THE POWER!

C: Do you know why?

Me: Why?

C: Because you have arms and he hasn't.

====

Wise woman.

Oh, and click here to join in with more wise people and their wonderful idea. I did!

Posted by j at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Ooh, I almost broke my Blog At Least Once Weekly rule there. Again. Not quite sure what's happened, but there's something kind of vacuum-like about 2009. It's almost as if everything was compressed over Christmas and then we all came back to work and the compression was released, so everything shot all over the place and you didn't know where to start.

That makes sense to me anyway. I think what I was trying to say is that 2009 is a bit confusing, and I think everyone's kind of in a trance after so much time off over Christmas, which was apparently the longest break we've had for over 20 years.

In other news, in our GREEN baby's room (what's wrong with all of your monitors?! Even you graphic designers have yours set all WRONG!), we are thinking of having a nice grass and ants theme - you know, with grass along the bottom of the walls and random ants doing their thing amongst it. Maybe some other insects as well, who knows.

Some people might think, "Ants?! They'll scare the baby!" but I have thought about this, and I reckon that kids are conditioned to be scared of things. I don't think it's automatic. So our kid is quite possibly going to grow up to become some kind of botanist or David Bellamy-alike (no, that was not a hint that it's a boy - we still don't know)... or maybe they will just grow up with a fear of fluffy lambs, rabbits and chicks.

Who knows? We'll see.

Posted by j at 10:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

First up, in answer to questions in the comments:

1) The baby's room is green; after mixing the below colour

with some white and another similar shade of green, we got... over 5 litres of a colour that is almost exactly the same as the one above. Uncanny (and please don't make me relive the whole confusing story!).

And no, this is not because we do not know if our offspring is a boy or a girl. It is because we'd like to have a nice, calm green haven in which a purple-faced screaming baby can be brought and lulled into a deep and peaceful sleep. That is the idea, anyway. In practice, it will probably be me who rushes into the nice, calm green haven with a purple face, because it is the only room in the house that is not populated with an animal, or a computer, or another source of purple-facedness. We'll see.

2) I am not allergic to our house, don't worry, Kathy. Unfortunately, I appear to be allergic to being married, but have no plans to stop being married, so I'll just have to stay ill.

It's not all doom and gloom in these parts, of course. This afternoon we skipped off work early - come on, who doesn't have post-Xmas blues? - and went to pick up a pile of Freecycled cloth nappies from a nice lady who lives up the hill. Even further up the hill, we decided to give the dog a quick spin so parked up and clambered up a hilly field. About halfway up, I realised there is nothing you can say to your almost 8 month pregnant companion that won't be annoying, because she is wearing the wrong boots and is not at all impressed by the fact that you have a sore finger after you burnt it on a piece of toast that day, BECAUSE THAT IS BEING FLIPPANT AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CARRY A BABY AROUND (yet). So anyway, she made me run up the hill (because, ha, I can still run up hills!) and check what was on the other side of the wall, because it wasn't the road that we thought it was, which made her even more annoyed.

Luckily, it was one of those fantastic old walled footpaths that's covered in leaves, with neatly laid cobbled stones along the bottom. Quite fascinatingly, actually, there appeared to be a whole network of these paths hidden away at the top of the random hill that we were on. And all of them were encased by dry stone walls, covered in moss and leaning at weird angles.

They definitely don't make them like that any more... which is kind of the point of me mentioning this: Does anyone know why dry stone walls manage to lean at scary angles and not fall down?! Seriously?

That's enough waffle now. And without further ado, I can reveal the winner of the caption competition which was held an embarrassingly long time ago is SAM, for her caption, "But I wanted to be Rudolph!" which was both Christmassy and funny at the same time. Sam, your prize will arrive soooon.

Posted by j at 5:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Happy 2009!

So I have started the year by breaking my MUST BLOG AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK rule. I have a reason, however. I was ill for most of the last week of 2008, making a miraculous recovery on New Year's Day (yes, that was the first New Year's Eve I have spent drinking hot chocolate on the sofa and retiring to bed BEFORE midnight since I was about, hey, seven).

And since then, I've been tearing around trying to do double the things I need to do in half the time, or something like that, including mixing three tins of paint together for the baby's room wall and calming a demented C when her valiant effort to put up a roller blind failed, because there was a big hard thing in the wall that could not be drilled into.

So now we are waiting for the nice handyman from the local paper to come and do it without ado. Of course, he is an hour late (so far).

Posted by j at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

A belated MERRY CHRISTMAS to anyone who happens to be reading this, though if you are reading this mid-January sometime, you probably won't care any more.

So yeah, Christmas '08 has officially been and gone - and a very good one it was, too, involving trips up and down the M1, far too much food and drink and plenty of cheer. The cats have been retrieved from the cattery and since then have been very busy checking that everything is still in the same place as before (it is); if C will be very annoyed if they dig a good few clawsful of wool out of our new carpet (of course); and that the out-through-the-front-door, in-through-the-back-door function still works (it does, every sodding time) ... all's well there, then.

While not tap-dancing on C's bladder, our baby-to-come has acquired and borrowed a large number of items, including a pram-type thing, with another to come from another kind person, because apparently they need more than one for different stages of growth, weather, terrain, occasion and flavour. It is going to be fun to see if they'll all fit in our house.

And Harrythedog is exactly the same as usual, in a very reassuring way indeed.

In other news, click here to read more about what to do if you live around here and can sign, and are at a bit of a loose end on January 10th. I've never been called a sign language enthusiast before - it makes me laugh and think of binoculars and wellies (oh, OK, both of which I happen to own) - but there's something quite cool about it. We've no idea what's going to happen, but it looks like quite a few people will be coming, hopefully. And yes, I will be the one in wellies.

Posted by j at 3:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Firstly, I thank everyone very much for your really great captions. I WOULD announce the caption comp winner but my brain is mush at the moment so you will have to wait in suspense for a bit longer, i.e. until I finish the 57 things on my To Do list and whatever else.

I really shouldn't be blogging today because it's our last working day before Christmas - woo! - but I just had to ask everyone to pleaseee

CLICK HERE NOW TO VOTE FOR HARRYTHEDOG!

Yes, just click on the 5th cheeseburger, and maybe he will become famous... who knows.

As they - or indeed *I* - say, more soon.

Posted by j at 2:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

No, this isn't an announcement of the winner of the caption competition. Brilliant entries so far - thanks ever so - but I want to leave the deadline for a little while so that there's still time for a couple more people to wrench their heads out of Facebook and enter. If they want to.

In fact, this is an announcement about my throat infection. Oh yes, I have one, and am popping ibuprofen and antibiotics and moaning a lot. If I were to translate my doctor's very clear gestural explanation literally, he told me; "You have a lump on your tongue that is the size of an easter egg. This is normal. It will shrink to the size of a golf ball and then disappear and you will be fine. Nothing serious."

I am very fond of my doctor.

It's weird because our health has gone downhill since we got married - C and I have both been ill more in the last two and a half months than in the five and a half years since we've been together (her latest affliction is queasiness and an aversion to food) - is this normal?! Marrieds, please speak out!

At least I've just about finished my Christmas shopping. You know you've bought too much from Amazon when you notice that the delivery man's had his hair cut.

More soon. In the meantime, I have a very painful easter egg golf ball to contend with.

Posted by j at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Just think - as C said excitedly afterwards - next year we'll have a baby to take the piss out of. Woo!

Posted by j at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Proof that age is getting to us:

Ce says: My sister thought I was 34.
j says: LOL!
Ce says: She was adamant. I said no, am sure am 33... don't tell me I'm 34! So worked it out, phew am 33.
j says: LOLOLOL!
Celia says: Was a big relief I tell you.

Posted by j at 3:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... or something. How mysterious is that?!

And, despite accusations that I'm following those geese around Hebden (as if I don't have anything better to do), I must repeat that it's actually THEM who are following ME, as illustrated in my new header photo, which was taken from INSIDE the Thai restaurant on Friday night.

I was there first. They followed. I have witnesses!

More soon. Meanwhile, I have to stem the flow of pre-Christmas work that is streaming in and somersaulting on my desk. Fun!

Posted by j at 12:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Things For Geese To Do In Hebden Bridge (2): Go ice-skating on the canal when it's frozen.

(I'm not a goose stalker! Honest. I just happened to see them again this morning..!)

Posted by j at 11:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Not bad for a phone camera, huh?

Gritters of Calderdale, I salute you.

Posted by j at 12:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

If you are reading this today, you are probably sitting somewhere which is minus something in temperature, like me, and you may even have FROST ON YOUR MOBILE PHONE like Ce, who obviously works somewhere with dodgy heating.

So yeah, it is freezing here. We had to hack our way into the car this morning, and could only open the driver's door, so I had to push the front passenger door open with all of my body weight so that C and the dog could get in. Luckily, I remembered to bring the anti freeze into the house in case we're presented with a big ice block with wheels tomorrow morning.

And then when I'd battled my way out of the car again and was walking the dog in Hebden, I passed the police station and saw four geese scuttling out of the forecourt gate, as if one of them had just been released on bail and they were getting the hell away before the cops changed their minds. They then proceeded to waddle across the road, creating a minor traffic jam and attracting a small crowd of amused admirers, including me.

Only in Hebden.

I then realised that I'd seen goose shit in St George's Square the other day, and it dawned on me that they'd been evicted from their regular home by the canal because there's a big sewage works going on at the moment, so they probably have nowhere to go. I guess the cop shop's as good a place as any if you want a peaceful night's sleep (!)

Ahh, the poor geese though. They are fierce and hissy sometimes, but I do feel sorry for them, wandering around rather blindly. So, when I saw them creating yet another traffic jam, I texted C and asked if she thought I should email the local environmental warden and tell him my concerns, but she texted back, "No! He's not Chief Goose Warden!" and I realised she was right - as usual - and if I emailed him, he'd just think I was one of those annoying Victor Meldrew types, if he doesn't already.

But please, if you are driving through Hebden anytime soon, keep your eyes open for a gaggle of geese rushing down the road. Ahhh!

Posted by j at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Funny then and funny now - hooray for Morph!

Posted by j at 7:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

... but the carpet men's hammering is driving me mad. Mad, mad, mad.

BANG

BANG BANG BANG BANG

BANG BANG BANG

BANG.

I just had to blog that for sanity reasons.

Posted by j at 4:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Although he's always ever so nice and smiley, I'm quite sure our postman hates me at the moment because of the things I keep ordering online from Amazon, which obviously has some kind of clever computer programme that generates specially-targetted marketing at gullible mugs like me. For example, I got a maternity-related email from them the other day, informing me that I could buy a Bump Band for a fiver, so I did, because the other one that C has (which cost insanely more than a fiver) gets used a lot and she could do with another one.

And why, might you ask, do pregnant ladies like wearing oversized headbands around their middles? Good question. Apparently it's something to do with holding up your trousers and filling any gaps and um, looking fashionably layered. Whatever!

Ce would probably not agree with me, but I am constantly amazed, and rather suspicious, at how you can buy something which is discounted by 75% and then have it sent to you to arrive before 1pm the very next day FOR FREE! Yes, I have joined this Amazon Prime trial thingy which sends things, like, 10 minutes after you've ordered them (I know this because I tried to cancel something I'd just bought the other day and it was too late(!)) so that you can get them the next day, whether you want to or not. I do that because it's free, and because it's kind of fascinating, not because C has an urgent need for a brand new Bump Band that she MUST wear TOMORROW.

It makes me feel ever so guilty because I keep imagining all the people in the Amazon warehouse rushing around amongst miles and miles of shelves, locating the right item, rushing to package it, throwing it in a van, which drives to the airport, where it is loaded on a plane, which fliiiiiiiiiiies far, lands, unloads it and then takes it to a depot, where it is loaded into another van, sorted, and ends up in our lovely postman's bag. Then, he walks up our steps in the rain, infallibly smiling, knocks on the door and gives it to me so that I can apologise for the rain and sign for it.

And THEN it gets returned to them because I stupidly ordered the WRONG item, and they have to do all of that over again, but in reverse.

Insane.

In other news, C has joined Freecycle [go on, you know you want to!], which is rather amusing because she's now getting 10,000 emails a minute or something like that and she keeps making lists and saying things like, "But how do you choose who gets it?!" It was also the source of mild embarrassment this morning when I answered the door with crazy hair, wearing my pyjamas and some random items of clothing that I found on the bedroom floor, to find a woman looking at me rather uncertainly.

"Are you C?" she asked.
"No, I'm J!"
[Woman looks confused]
"Have you come for the soil?"
[Woman looks very relieved] "Yes!"

And the moral of the story is; someone always wants your crap, even if you've forgotten they were coming for it.

Posted by j at 4:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Soooo glad that Obama won. Really ever so glad. The world will never be the same again, for sure, which is a good thing, obviously, cos it's in a bit of a state right now, isn't it? Poor bloke has his work cut out.

There are many other things I could say right now, but I'm still not feeling too well so I won't.

Just... HOORAY!

Posted by j at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm probably OK really, but right now I'm on the sofa with a cup of something lemony that C made me, which also contains whisky for some reason. My brain feels like cotton wool, so I probably shouldn't be blogging. Testament to this is the fact that I've spent the last hour or so G00gling groggily for a piece of furniture that I can't find, don't really need and can't afford anyway.

G00gle should have some kind of STOP function after a while. For example, if it detects that someone is entering the same kind of search terms over and over again, after X minutes, it should freeze and there should be a pop up box with a message like "ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" or "PERHAPS YOU'RE GETTING A BIT OBSESSED NOW?"

My excuse is that I might be coming down with something. Of course, as luck would have it, C has a sore throat again, and isn't feeling herself either. Harrythecat is the ill-est creature in the house, though, with a cold and sneezes so powerful that he actually makes the furniture vibrate. G00gle says he needs to go to the vet tomorrow, and C is annoyed that I'm making more fuss over him (he looks so wretched!) than I did over her the last time the lurgy paid us a visit. Yeah, right.

So yeah, the lurgy is back. Any sympathy is welcome, especially any that is directed at C.

Posted by j at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

God, it's cold, isn't it?! I am typing this with a freezing nose, under three layers of clothing and a hat. C swears it's "just a cold snap" and things will all get warmer again soon, but I'm not convinced.

We actually had to scrape frost off the car yesterday before it was drivable, and it's way too cold for the cats to desire outside, so they've been pacing around annoying C (not me, of course) by going

Me-ow
me-owwwww
me-ow!
MEOW!

every few minutes or so, until she gets cross, picks up the offending animal and chucks him outside. Then of course, the offending animal will simply get up on the kitchen windowsill and go

Me-ow
me-owwwww
me-ow!
MEOW!

with a furious face, until she gets up and lets him in again, and the whole cycle repeats itself. It's quite hard not to laugh sometimes.

In other news, I'd forgotten how B.O.R.I.N.G. buying a carpet is. Of course, we disagreed over the colour so we ended up buying a slightly more expensive one that C managed to convince me was really just the same price, and the carpet salesman, who looked just like a game show host with a bright red tie and lots of bling, explained that it has some kind of cleanliness guarantee, so, for THE NEXT SEVEN YEARS, we can phone the manufacturer if there's a stain on it and they'll explain how to get rid of the stain, and if that doesn't work, they'll come round to our house and get rid of it themselves. Yes, really.

It was all I could do not to scream "NOOOOO" and run out of the shop. Instead, I said something like "yes, whatever," then paid an obscene amount of money and worried about it for an hour afterwards.

It's hard being an adult sometimes.

And now I'm officially too cold to type, which is probably just as well. Bye!

Posted by j at 7:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

He may be getting old, but Harrythedog still loves a good runaround, even if he does get a bit stiff afterwards. And, as it's autumn (and there's a new autumnal header on this blog), there's nothing better than a good battle with a poor, unsuspecting stick. Like so...

... I never did understand dogs' obsession with sticks - C tells me that it's something to do with how wolves cleaned their teeth many years ago, or something like that.

And now I must go to bed because C is playing a computer game on the desk that adjoins mine, and it's making weird noises. Not that I would usually know or care, but her speakers are vibrating on my desk, so every few seconds I get a kind of BEEP and I look at her and she's staring intently at her screen, with an expression that would be more fitting to someone who was writing a serious, important document, not playing a Gorillaz bomb game.

Besides, Harrythedog wants us to get the hell out of HIS office so that he can sleep.

Posted by j at 10:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I'm not sure if this is "normal" blogging resuming, as I was never a "normal" blogger in the first place, but who knows. At least it means I don't break my Must Blog At Least Once A Week rule two weeks in a row.

Nobody cares, anyway. You're all on Facebook.

I guess if I was on Facebook, I'd have updated my status to "married" by now, or perhaps "married and with child" would be more fitting (but way too smug if you ask me)? Who knows? Unlike the rest of the world, I don't really know how Facebook works, other than the fact that people give away Too Much Information and nudge or poke each other all the time. Tellingly, at a wedding recently, two people told me I HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA by avoiding Facebook.

And no, it wasn't at my wedding, but if you haven't guessed or got a postcard by now, C and I got married - OK, so "civilly partnered" sounds weird - two weeks ago. It was all very simple, with just our parents (and a lovely terp) in attendance, and over within about 10 minutes. Then, my overexcited mother stuffed confetti down C's cleavage, we did the photo thing and went for a slap up luncheon.

We celebrated our first week in wedlock by coming down with the flu, which was so. not. fun. and meant it was just as well we didn't book a honeymoon (look, I said it was simple) or anything like that, or there would have been tears. OK, there were tears anyway, but we didn't need any more.

So that's kind of what I meant in my last post when I said last week was unusual.

We're kind of on the mend now, and even managed a nice trip to Haworth yesterday, where we did irony perfectly by staying in a music themed hotel room (but only because it accepted dogs) and I ate a pizza with asparagus and artichokes on it, which was very tasty but a bit.... wooooo, enough already. Oh, and we went up on the moors and it started to rain when we were right at the top, but we didn't really mind because that kind of made it all the more authentic... after all, Heathcliffe did a lot of rushing around on the moors in the rain and snow, didn't he?

So anyway, yeah. We got married. I've got quite a few photos but haven't sorted them out cos we've been ill and disorganised and whatever.

And if you were wondering if I wore a dress, I ask you this; CAN YOU IMAGINE ME IN A DRESS?

Exactly.

Posted by j at 7:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I know, I know. I am a very bad blogger.

Life has been ... unusual.

Want something to read? Today's Deaf special in the Guardian rocks. There's even a wee (highly edited!) entry from me here.

Proper blogging will resume shortly!

Posted by j at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

In a nutshell, Hebden made the BBC news today; rather surprisingly, I thought, because when they weren't arguing about it in the local paper, everyone was screaming "fix!" "fix!" and expecting to see the builders move in at any moment. Got all that? Read on...

I'm not a resident of that part of Hebden, but I am relieved it's been rejected because we don't need it; as Susan Press (our mayor, by the way!) says, it's the wrong time. Why do we need new shops when there's almost an entire row of them lying empty because no one can be bothered to walk to 'the far side' of Hebden to buy things? And I don't think ANYWHERE needs any more expensive flats [as a side note - they seem to be building them EVERYWHERE!?].

And anyway, should we even be considering such things when Wall Street is in such a mess - everyone knows America rules the world, so it's not really going to be fun for anyone?

Posted by j at 3:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

That's where I am now, because I'm fortunate enough to have a portable business and a hotel with wifi. Oh joy. I've never been here before, which is always something that's mystified me, but I love it so much that I'm glad it's my first time. Let's just say that if I'd come here as a 19 year old like everyone else, I think I might have stayed forever.

But now that I'm old, I'm in a completely different kind of Amsterdam to the one above, and went to see Anne Frank Huis yesterday, fighting back the tears and taking quite a few deep breaths in the process. If you're ever here, go there.

One of the most amazing thing about this place, however, is the sheer number of bikes. I've never seen so many! If anyone ever tells you they are everywhere in Amsterdam, THEY ARE NOT JOKING. There are so many that you have to step carefully all the time, looking in about three directions at once. People carry each other on them, smoke fags on them, and even text each other while cycling madly down the road. Bikes are the kings and queens of this place.

Here's a few photos to illustrate my point:

... and here's my favourite one (!)

All together now, AHHHHHHHHHHH.

Have a great weekend!

Posted by j at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't know how that happened, and it might change before it does happen, but wow, that is remarkable!

I don't know if it's the fact that today is such a lovely day (SLIGHTLY chilly but lovely and sunny), or because it is the time of year when the trees are starting to turn and the pressure and expectation of summer is off, but I am in such a good mood today. It's just like C said earlier; summer is such a disappointment because you hope or expect the weather to be better than it is, but in autumn, everything does as it's supposed to.

Indeed. So it feels like nothing can knock me today.

Not even the fact that our car has been in the garage THREE times in the last week, and has to go back again because it's still dripping petrol all over the place, so we're driving around leaving unsightly puddles of petrol behind us. Environmental hazards? Us? Unfortunately so.

No, not even the fact that our hugest, most unwieldy tomato plant caught some kind of tomato plant disease and died - though we managed to salvage some tomatoes, and we do have about 12 other plants, but still - meaning we had been barricaded out of our shed for weeks FOR NO REASON.

And do you know what that means? It means I am mowing the lawn later. In the sun.

Woo!

Posted by j at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Maybe this is a weird old Britishism, but there are few things that seem to annoy people more than not being able to park their cars.

I recall a few years ago, my mate lived in a near-constant state of mild paranoia simply because she wanted to park OUTSIDE HER OWN HOUSE, but her neighbours were, well, weird, and very possessive of the small but very important area of tarmac that they believed was theirs, and THEIRS ALONE. Good God.

I didn't understand that then because I couldn't drive, but now that I can, I am getting there.

Me and C are very fortunate to have a small side road running down the side of our house which we can park up (but I can't reverse out because it's soooo steep), as well as a space at the front of our house, which has been taken up by someone else for the last week - we nipped out briefly last Sunday and were rather annoyed to see it squatting in "our" space when we got back.

And it has been there ever since.

I can't think about that too much, otherwise I get mad and remind myself that only crazy people get hung up over parking, and really, there are far more important things to worry about in life. And besides, we're lucky to a) have a car in the first place, and b) have a side road to park it in.

Obviously, the side road would be more useful if I could actually retrieve the car AFTER I have parked it there (i.e. I can drive up it, but not back down again). It would also be good if the nice man opposite didn't have a huge, butch truck type vehicle - which I am secretly a bit jealous of - that needs plenty of space to turn in the road, so we have to keep our car out of the way.

Then, it wouldn't have mattered that I parked my car at a weird angle in front of our house this morning, because a) squatter car was still there, b) I'm going out soon, and c) I really couldn't be bothered to think creatively. As it happened, Truck Man had to drive ever so slowly and carefully past my car, inch by inch, at exactly the right angle. I was quite impressed, and told him I wouldn't do that again.

So squatter car is really quite a pain.

But I am nowhere near as car parking obsessed as all the people in Hebden who write letters to the local paper every single week, arguing about the plans for the new Garden Street development. It's now become a personal slanging match and isn't very nice to read. I think I'll keep out of that one.

Posted by j at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

When I first started this blog, I think I thought it would be more political than it is now, but I didn't really have an 'aim' for it. Indeed, my tagline is "random rants and rambles. no agenda. yet." so I guess shinyhappydeafie.com does what it says on the tin.

And anyway, just because I blog about sheds and cats doesn't mean I'm not political. It means I can't be bothered to 'theme' my blog and only talk about certain things that fit into a certain box, like many people do. That's fine, but I'm not going down that route.

If anyone wants proof of the randomness of my rants and rambles, they would do well to note that my blog topic 'phases' have meandered wildly through the following (amongst others):

The uselessness of George Bush;
Big Brother contestants;
BBQs;
The Harrys;
Buying a house;
Sheds;
Cats;
Gardening;
The environment;
Recycling;
Geek stuff;
Flash games;
And of course, C (in relation to all, or most, of the above).

So yeah, I am random. And if I can blog about sheds and cats, I can certainly blog about babies, but just because C is pregnant* it doesn't mean this is a pregnancy blog. Certainly not.

I just wanted to clear that one up, because when we told people - I apologise if you weren't one of them; my head is in a spin - many of them assumed that I would be blogging about swollen ankles and morning sickness and whatever else.

Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. Randomness rocks.

* If you didn't know that before, you do now. Hooray!

Posted by j at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Apparently, this rain is not going to stop ALL WEEKEND. Something to look forward to(!)

It's amazing how we've slipped into autumn and it doesn't feel different, just wetter. Is this a sign of global warming, or is it just... life? Hmm.

I'm not really bothered, although it's making Harrythecat crazy. He likes a good breath of fresh air, he does, so is very unhappy about the rain and keeps making me go for walks around the house with him... but every time I open the front door, he looks furious and refuses to go out.

Brian just sleeps. Brian is zen.

On a completely different note, who's noticed that it's the Big Brother final tonight?! Perhaps the housemates, but no one else? It will be close. I have no idea who'll win because a) I've not been paying much attention this year as it's been a bit crap and my mind's been elsewhere, and b) all of the polls are so close and changeable, no one should bet unless they have money to burn.

Just for the record, these are my predictions, which undoubtably will be wrong:

5th - Darnell
4th - Mikey
3rd - Sara
2nd - Rex
Winner! - Rachel

Who wins? You decide.

Posted by j at 5:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

OK, great, we got an extra day last weekend and even HAD A BBQ and it didn't rain until 5 minutes AFTER everyone had eaten (at which point we all rushed around moving chairs and food and everything else that wasn't waterproof indoors... and of course it stopped then).

In all irony, however, we are now unable to put the BBQ stuff back into the very shed that we bought largely to put BBQ stuff in. In fact, it was hard enough to get it all out in the first place, due to the ginormous tomato plants that are too huge to stand up by themselves and are only happy when part-collapsed against the shed door, and if you try and move them, they drape themselves wildly over the nearest upright thing (usually you) and so you move them right back in front of the shed in a panic.

I can't wait for the tomatoes to ripen so that we can get into the shed again - other important things like the lawnmower are also being held to ransom by that massive. wonky plant. SO PLEASE, SUN, MAKE OUR TOMATOES RED!

In other, much less annoying news, our first crop of potatoes was ready and we dug up a bagful of fantastic purple spuds at the weekend. In honour of this, they are now on my blog header (press SHIFT-REFRESH if you can't see them), though slightly disappointingly, the purpleness disappears when you boil them.

So anyway, the Bank Holiday was great but everything else in the week that followed it was all crammed together with 20% less working time to do it in. I spent two days without a desk this week because we got two new desks from an office clearance - most unexpectedly - but one of them arrived in two halves (i.e. broken) so I had to put it all back together again using C's genius idea and many, many screws.

Now the office looks way more officey and my colleague (i.e. C) and I are sitting facing each other, divided by a wall of monitors - there are three on my desk, if you count the laptop. That was kind of weird at first because I could only see the top of C's head, which wasn't very useful, so we hitched them along a bit and made a wee "signing gap" to, er, sign through. Problem solved, except now I can see C typing away with a serious face nearly all the time, and I have no idea why she looks so serious, which makes me laugh for some reason.

Because of the above, I am now in Freecycle Mode again and was very pleased to give my old desk to a local councillor, who was very earnest and councillory and arrived with a man who reminded me of Chris Martin from Coldplay. I'm not sure why.

Oh, and Tip of the Week for locals is - book yourself a Green Refurb home assessment and they will come and tell you what's wrong (or right) with your house for £50. That might sound like a lot of money, but consider the fact that we thought we needed our loft insulated and the nice Green Refurb man said it was actually well insulated already, to a level better than the Government's new build building guidelines. Just as well someone told us that, eh?! I was also rather disappointed that we probably wouldn't get planning permission for a wind turbine, but we might, might, might get solar panels sometime in future. We'll see.

So anyway, that was my compressed week that was, and I've not even mentioned my day job, my course and several other random things that are filling my head right now. It's kind of OK to be busy when everything falls under the same theme (like Moving House or Work Stress), but when it isn't, that's when I type a rambling and rather incoherent blog post like this one.

If you read this far, I thank you, and I wish you a happy Bank Holiday-free weekend.

Posted by j at 7:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After much page refreshing and generally Too Much Information, the parcel arrived.

However (because there is always a however, as we all know) IT WAS THE WRONG COLOUR.

Sigh!

At least the sun has also come - WOO - so have a fab Bank Holiday, all!

Posted by j at 9:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Earlier this week, I ordered something online and was happy to note that it would be sent to me sometime this week. "Sometime this week" suited me fine because my item was not at all urgent but it would be nice to have it, is all. Well, everyone loves getting parcels, right?

So anyway, I didn't think about it much until last night when the company I bought it from emailed to tell me; "Your order has been despatched" and "Delivery will take place between 7.30am and 6pm;" but it did not say on which day, quite unhelpfully.

Rather stupidly, the company also gave me my own special tracking number which I could enter on my account page to see where my parcel was. Of course, I did that, even though really, the parcel is not urgent at all, and now I am all worked up because it arrived in a depot in Oldham at 25 past midnight and has apparently been sorted, and...

And nothing.
It's been sorted, that's it.

I'm now wondering what is the point of sorting something if you aren't going to do anything with it for hours and hours afterwards, and more importantly, what is the point of telling me this, because it's all too much information and now I'm repeatedly refreshing the tracking page, worried that my parcel has been left behind when all of the other officially sorted parcels were flung in the van and driven to their correct destinations.

Really, "sometime this week" would have done me just fine.

Posted by j at 2:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sun, sun
We need you
So please come back
And stay for a while
Please, because
This much rain
Is not good for the soul
Although it means we have to water the garden less, which isn't too bad really.

OK yes I am British, thus obsessed with the weather. But everyone's been complaining about Summer 2008 (or the lack of it) lately, so why can't I?

It's weird. I keep thinking, SUMMER MIGHT STILL COME, and then I remember it's September soon, so there isn't much chance of that. However, E and P are going on holiday IN BRITAIN in September so I am hoping that it will at least be warmer then than now.

Also in September, thrillingly, we'll have been living here and running our 'new' (i.e. second) business for a year. Somehow the lack of seasonal definitions has meant the whole past year's kind of been balled up into a blur and most of the months have been similar, just a bit hotter or colder at times.

Weather-obsessed? Maybe. But try working in front of a giant window with a view over the Calder Valley every day and not noticing the weather. Impossible! Ha.

And no, I wouldn't live anywhere else.

Posted by j at 6:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

C and I are waiting for my final dental appointment...

Me: I'm scared.

C: [SIGNS] Only one more brave. [Rather obvious translation: Don't worry, you only need to be brave one more time!]

An hour later, I stumble out of the dentist's room, after having my tooth prodded and poked at, drilled, filled and SCREWED TOGETHER with what C can only describe as "something that looked like an animal trap."

NO MORE BRAVE!

Posted by j at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

That is the question everyone is asking. Did it come for a couple of days and nobody noticed, or didn't it come at all? Certainly, my Project Tuesday evidence shows hardly any blue skies at all - at least not on Tuesdays anyway.

I'm unsure whether I should sulk at the lack of Outdoor Opportunities or carry on crossing my fingers and hoping that they will come... just later than usual. The crossed fingers idea is probably the best one, because unless there are gale force winds and it's chucking it down, me and C are going camping locally at the end of August (just up the road, because that's enough novelty, and we can come back to feed the cats upon whim).

I DEMAND A SUMMER! Just a small one would do! Please.

In competition mania news, I am excited to announce that there are TWO winners:

1) Ce was the nerdiest and emailed me an impressively long list of things that she'd spotted:

1. Cat on wall 2. White post 3. Chair moved (can see sculpture in 2nd pic but not in first) 4. Dry shed! i.e. different colour shed 5. Purple flowers grown 6. Yellow hedge in field 7. Big bush has been moved 8. Small bush has been moved 9. Flowers in next doors garden (top right of 2nd pic) 10. Number of pots have been moved

2) HOWEVER - because there is always a however - Ce is not able to collect the prize this time round because she has already had one, and she did enter at her peril. So this time, E wins, mainly for the best cheating tactics. Hooray!

Oh, and I'd like to point out that the "bushes" in the garden are not bushes! We don't have any bushes! They are tomato and potato plants, which need to be harvested soon or they're going to explode.

Thank you and good day.

Posted by j at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

If you are in a major panic at the dentist* (*or insert scene of alternative panic), try reciting lists of things in alphabetical order in your head to take your mind off the drill and the poky things and the massive hole in your tooth and whatever else.

Yesterday, that worked for me, although I kept forgetting the alphabet. Interestingly, I went back to my default settings whenever I did it - when I tried alphabeticalising TV programmes, I could only think of children's programmes (which I never watch) and when I thought of place names, they were all in Scotland and the North East. Perhaps I regressed in age during my trauma?

And trauma it was. I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO DETAIL.

Oh, and it's also useful to smile at the dentist upon entering the room and say "I will be calmer today." If you do that, she will probably smile back and vow to do the same.

PS: Tuesday's competition deadline is NEXT TUESDAY! Woo!

Posted by j at 12:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am ever so proud to announce that CE is the winner of last week's photo caption competition, with the clever caption; "Oh bugger, they caught me practising my stealth crawl! I was planning on crawling behind the sofa and giving my mummies a fright by pouncing up on them from the back whilst they watch TV!"

Ce's prize will be winging its way to her very soon. Jealous? Here's your chance to upstage Ce and win THIS week's competition* which was C's idea.

Hooray for the first ever PHOTO TUESDAY SPOT THE DIFFERENCE!

Post your entries in the comment box below! And yes, cheating is allowed.

So there you go. Something to do on a lovely summer afternoon when you're stuck in the office feeling all grumpy because you SO wish you could be outside doing nice summertime things instead. Rebel! Now!

(And YES, I should be working. Er, byee.)

* Winners of previous SHD competitions (i.e. Ce and OPD) and members of the SHD household (i.e. C) and any employees (umm, no) are not eligible for any prizes, even if they enter and are so brilliant that they should win. No, no more prizes. Sorry!

Posted by j at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)

Did someone mistake me for Victor Meldrew?

Someone from Age Concern obviously thinks that I am about 40 years older than I actually am. I received something in the post from them a few days ago, but didn't bother opening the envelope as I thought it'd be a fundraising thingy. This morning, I opened it and was confused. Then I realised what it was - A SPECIAL ENERGY BENEFIT THINGY FOR OLDER PEOPLE.

I am 33, people! 33! Should I send a Victor Meldrewish email to Age Concern and tell them?!

[However, this all isn't nearly as bad as what happened to a friend of mine (who remains nameless, and is welcome to out herself in the comments, if she wants!) who went along to her local Benefits Agency one day. After much paper shuffling, the clerk looked alarmed, ran off and came back, saying apologetically, "I'm ever so sorry, Ms X. Our records show you're dead." Recovering from the shock, the very much alive Ms X explained to the stupid bloke that she was DEAF, not dead - DEAF with a "F"! - and they should be more careful with their spelling.]

Some people!

In other news, a spanking new local website is now online here, with a geekish wee contribution from me here. I'm meant to be writing other things for them but am a little bit stuck for ideas, so if anyone has any, feel free to suggest.

And as for the Caption Comp - I've laughed a lot so far!! The deafline is Monday.

Did I say deafline? I meant DEADLINE, with a "D". Ha.

Posted by j at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This is my very favourite Harrythecat pose because he looks weird but ahh at the same time, kind of like he's doing cat yoga. (And in case anyone was wondering, the red thing next to him is a rose petal from the bush outside..!)

Humour me, please - post a caption below - come on, you know you want to!

Oh yes, you do.

Posted by j at 3:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I can't be bothered to link to the original two cartoons which are embedded on this blog somewhere, but if you click on the below, you can see them on the Y0uTube page:

Much hilarity, again!

And yes, I could relate to that. In particular, it reminded me how Brian is very reliable in the sense that he always wants X,Y or Z at the WRONG time. Bless.

Posted by j at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

In answer to E's question, C and I did not go bat watching last night because apparently bats are members of Unison and were on strike. Yes, really. We found that out AFTER driving along a maze of twisty turny country roads, up a hill and having to turn around twice, but we didn't really mind because the views were so spectacular. Really, I am quite impressed that bats are mammals of principle.

So. we drove home and watched some bad TV instead, which was great, until C started warring with Brian who was trying to stalk Harrythecat while he was eating. Rather annoyed at being picked up and put on an armchair repeatedly when he WANTED TO STALK HARRYTHECAT, Brian jumped on the back of the sofa behind where C was sitting. Deciding that C was clearly the Devil Incarnate and must therefore be punished, he swivelled round with his back to her and directed a perfectly aimed spray AT THE BACK OF HER HEAD.

Yes.

I yelled "Oh, shit!" as I always do when panic ensues, then chased a stricken Brian around the living room and out of the front door while C ran upstairs and threw herself into the shower, totally grossed out and feeling everything else that people feel when a cat pisses on them (I wouldn't know!).

Poor C did manage to see the funny side in the end. And Brian doesn't know it, but this afternoon we are getting revenge by taking him to the vet, who will no doubt want to stick a thermometer up his bum.

Posted by j at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Now that would be brilliant!! I hope it stays like that, because we all know how British weather changes every 10 minutes and never does what you want it to do. Either way, the park is going to be very muddy for this weekend's entertainment. (See what I mean? We Brits are never satisfied!)

Tonight we are going to see some bats. Yes. Eeeeeek.

Posted by j at 10:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

OK so the shed has arrived and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. Especially the shed guys, who arrived after 6pm yesterday with many apologies and much shed dust on their shoes. Apparently, ours was their sixth and last shed of the day, and somehow they'd managed to install them in Derby and Nottingham earlier on. Supershedmen indeed!

If anyone is actually interested (that's be nobody, I guess), you can see the shed making its Project Tuesday debut here. (Funnily enough, we haven't actually put anything in the shed yet. I think the urgency has worn off now that it's actually here and hasn't fallen down the hill or anything.)

And no, I never thought there would be a stage in my life where I got a shed, took a photo of it every week as part of a science art science art you decide experiment, just to see what happens, then posted the results on the internet so that random people could read all about it and then laugh to themselves about the crazy shed lady with nothing better to do.

But here I am, somehow.

In other news, my PC is still not playing ball with broadband. I'm not sure why. The laptop is fine, and so is C's PC, mostly ... I've tried her USB adapter with mine, but it didn't make any difference. It may be because we got one of these last week - it worked for a while but then my PC seemed to decide it didn't like it. Does anyone know if a wireless G USB adapter is OK with a wireless N router? I didn't think it would be a problem, but something is not happy somewhere.

So if you know, please tell me and I will be ever so grateful and do whatever you want*!

* within reason.

Posted by j at 3:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Today has not been good so far. For a start, broadband has not been playing nicely with any of the computers here (which also means I may or may not be able to post this). We don't know why - news of any eclipse outages?? - thinking of switching to Green ISP anyway. Whatever.

The worst thing by far was my trip to the dentist. I'm just glad that C came too (I may be 33 but I'm still too scared to go alone sometimes, especially now that we left our gracious and charming old dentist behind in Preston when we moved), and that the dental assistant was very nice indeed, because the dentist was scary.

[DRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

"You need to decide whether you want your tooth out NOW, or if you want to come back twice for longer and scarier appointments, or if you want to pay £300 to be referred to a specialist who may or may not be able to help you."

[MUCH PANIC]

(This bit was edited perfectly by C, who knew it would send me over the edge, so she told me in the car afterwards:) "I can't work with you if you're goiing to have an attitude like that. You need to be more enthusiastic if I'm going to save your tooth."

What was I meant to do, spit out the dental juice and say, "OH YES, PLEASE! I'd love to come back again!"?!

[MORE PANIC]

(Also edited by C)"...You're going to have to hurry up because I have a waiting room full of people."

[DRILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL]

[TEARS OUTSIDE]

Christ. I'll let her off because she's a good dentist and a nice lady really - and because English seems to be her second language, so perhaps something was lost in her translation. I cannot say I am looking forward to my second and third appointments, however.

Then, when we left the dental car park with Harrythedog to take him for a quick walk, we doubled back along the towpath that runs next to it and looked over the wall to see A MAN WAS PUTTING A CLAMP ON OUR CAR. Somehow, C managed to convince him that we'd been to the dentist - showing him the receipt helped - so he grumbled to himself and took it away again.

Just imagine - someone actually sits in a car all day in Mytholmroyd Health Centre's car park, watching out in case someone decides to walk their dog after they've been traumatised at the dentist, and then leaps out and gets a huge yellow metal contraption from their boot and sticks it on their tyre and charges them £75 to have it removed, or tries to, anyway.

Wow.

Posted by j at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You know that "news" page you get when you sign out of Hotmail? Sometimes it throws up some really weird shit.

Today, first I read this story about a woman having a cup of tea with an armed robber to distract him from the crime. Then, when I thought it couldn't get weirder, something else got thrown up about a girl who found out that a bat had been living in her bra. For FIVE HOURS. And yes, she was wearing it at the time.

The mind boggles.

And no, we don't have a shed *yet*. Monday is now Shed-day, rather than Shednesday, which it would have been if it was today. Unfortunately the shed guy was in an accident (he's fine, but his van isn't) so... the case continues.

Oh joy!

Posted by j at 7:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Apparently, buying a shed - and arguing about where to put it - is a very thirtysomething thing to do. According to A, anyway. So, if A's word is to be taken as law, I am now a proper thirtysomething. Oh joy(!)

To cut a very long and boring story short, on Wednesday, we're having a shed delivered and installed. Oh yes, we are paying double to have it installed by professional shed people rather than getting one from B&Q and figuring it out ourselves. Stupid? Too late.

This is partly because we live far away from our Dads, and when I asked my Dad if he had any advice about installing a shed on a hill, he just looked at me as if I was mad and then laughed loudly and said "DON'T." It is also because whether you are on a hill or not, installing a shed seems to be really complicated and may or may not involve drilling into concrete, and seriously, I don't want to go there. Ever.

So Wednesday is the day I become an official thirtysomething. I just hope they don't think our hill is too hilly and impossible for a shed because sheds are far more complicated than they sound. Trust me.

Plus, our BBQ goodness partly depends on it (if you think we're just getting a shed for a laugh, you'd be mistaken). Would you believe that today is the 7th of JULY and we haven't had a BBQ yet?! I can't either. BBQ Man would be appalled!

Posted by j at 5:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... EVEN IF YOU'RE A DOG PERSON LIKE ME?!

Go on, I dare you to tell me.

I DARE you.

Ha!

Posted by j at 1:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I can't stop watching this. Like 36,000,000+ other people. Woo!

Posted by j at 12:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am laughing to myself in disbelief in one of those I Must Blog That moments.

To cut a very long and unneccessary story short, the other week we were given a large black suitcase containing some stuff we'd bagged on Freecycle. The stuff inside was brilliant, but the suitcase was unwanted, so I tried Freecycling it away again. Strangely, no one wanted it. It's big and looks just fine, so I was a bit surprised.

As the week wore on and no one wanted the suitcase, it was just gathering dust on the landing, so I contemplated taking it to the tip yesterday. "Oh, no." C said. "Have another go on Freecycle."

So I tried a different angle this time, and explained in my new Freecycle ad that the suitcase was very sad because no one wanted it, and we would be very grateful if someone would give it a new home. Lo and behold, in my inbox this morning I found FOUR emails from people who feel sorry for the suitcase and wanted to take it away.

It is shortly going to its new home in Hebden Bridge. Ahhhhh.

Posted by j at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by j at 6:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... it has been eight days since my last posting.

Oh, well. Life happens.

Have you got Firefox 3 yet? If not, get it now. It's not as if they need help in breaking the download record, but every little counts, right? Clever.

Indeed, it's cool, and very fast, although I haven't had time to customise it yet. Soon.

And more blog posts = soon.

Posted by j at 5:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Oh yes, Brian is very cute, in a Shrek-like way.

Oh yes, we are perfectly happy to be his canteen/B&B/friendly local catnip supplier.

HOWEVER, we would much prefer that he didn't get into a spraying war with Harrythecat, because really, life is complicated enough without regularly going round the house with vinegar solution, peering suspiciously at any patches that vaguely resemble cat "liquid".

Solutions? We've tried them all. The latest was £40 spent on a calming diffuser thingy, special wipes and an exciting looking CSI-style torch. They better arrive soon!

Soon, soon, soon!

Posted by j at 3:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Yes, thank God - Vista has finally gone and has been replaced with XP, so my computer actually works now. I'm even using it to type this blog post and everything. Woo!

And yes, I was wrong about BB9, but conspiracy theories are made to be broken. Or something.

Happy weekend!

Posted by j at 2:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

OK so BB9 starts tonight and as usual, R and I have been texting and speculating about who will be going in and what they will be like and whatever else. My favourite theory so far is that they'll all be blue people from planet Zog, but really, I think they'll just be carbon copies of the people from last year, and the year before, and the year before, and the year bef*SNIP*.

And then there are the rumours about a possible blind contestant this year, as well as one who owns a £13k watch(!) and one who was in a film with Hugh Grant. Because all the "leaks" from Channel Four are to make people speculate and watch it tonight, of course we have been creating conspiracy theories. The most "possible" one is that the blind contestant is not blind, but deaf (in a kind of weird disability-swapping red herring scenario), and is actually David Bower. We know this because David Bower is deaf, and he was in Four Weddings and a Funeral with Hugh Grant. We don't know if he has a £13k watch though - probably not.

So I am blogging this in case me and R are right, and are therefore geniuses, but we're probably wrong.

If we're right, YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST.

Posted by j at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yep, Pussy has fully taken advantage of the free walk-in cat buffet service going on at Chez J&C. I despair.

In other news to despair, I note that Big Brother 9 is due to start, and there's a brand new house which hurts my eyes . As usual, C, Jacks and I have wondered if we will be ignoring it this year and actually do Other Things aside from paying attention to the escapist pile of crap that it's certain to be. Of course, we do have Other Things to do, and plenty of them, and yesterday it took me and C about 10 minutes to remember who won last year's programme. Hell, we couldn't even remember who was IN it. So what's the point?

There is NO point. And that is why I will be watching.

Posted by j at 8:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is what happened when I tried to book my first appointment with our local doctor:

Stony faced receptionist: (Crossly) Hello.

Me: Hello. I'd like to book an appointment, please.

Her: (Sighs) Oh, OK.

Me: Sometime tomorrow or Thursday would be good, please. And I would prefer a female doctor if possible because they're easier to lipread, but I don't mind really.

Her: Hjhjhjkykyn luik,jkluim derewfghn nnnhg.

Me: Sorry, I'm Deaf. Can you repeat that please?

Her: It's half term. I don't think there'll be anything, but I'll have a look. [TYPES] No, there's nothing.

Me: Nothing for tomorrow or Thursday?

Her: No.

Me: What about Friday?

Her: (Sighs) I'll have a look. [TYPES] No.

Me: Nothing?

Her: No.

Me: Well, when's your next appointment then?

Her: Well, you know, it's half term so they're all off. [TYPES] Monday.

Me: OK so right, Monday...

Her: I'll just have a look at the other surgery for you. But I don't think they'll have anything either.

Me: Oh, right, OK thanks!

Her: [TYPES] No. Nothing.

Me: Nothing at all? Not tomorrow or Thursday?

Her: No.

Me: Er, what about Friday?

Her: (Sighs) Let me see. [TYPES] No.

Me: So there's nothing at all?

Her: No.

Me: OK, then right. Can I just summarise... you don't have any appointments at all until Monday?

Her: No.

Me: So. OK. I'll book one for Monday then, please!

Her: (Sighs) OK. [TYPES] OK. Dr Hghjg Kgjdsfd at 3pm then.

Me: Great thanks! Is it a woman doctor?

Her: No.

Posted by j at 8:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I am back in blogland, and am lucky enough to be able to say that holiday was just what I (and C) needed. So, here I am, like a neatly rolled ball of string, with a respectable suntan and a un-stressed heart.

Will it last? I hope so! Especially the tan.

France, particularly the place where we stayed in Charente Maritime, was magnificent. Both of us would highly recommend it, as long as you like total peace and quiet and don't mind driving along in the middle of nowhere amongst miles of vineyards (C did that for the first time, and she was great!).

What is it with rural French signposts?! They're TINY and can mostly only be seen from one direction - i.e. usually the WRONG direction - so you've driven past them before you realise you needed to turn, and you then have to drive another mile to a farm to turn round and drive back e-v-e-r s-o s-l-o-w-l-y just to make sure that you don't miss it second - or third - time around. What's that about?

But yeah, it was brilliant to get away and just lie around doing nothing much, as well as drive past many signposts in attempts to visit places and stuff. The flight home was rather eventful, however, because there was a large group of hungover rugby players from Bacup on our plane. For some reason, they were all dressed in "traditional" outfits (flat caps, waistcoats, neckties and, er, clogs), and insisted on talking to everyone on the plane... though I was lucky that "my" rugby neighbour only asked me how to sign thank you after I helped him to find his seatbelt.

Anyway, if anyone fancies that place I linked to above, drop me an email and I'll be happy to er, answer questions(!) Right now I'm knackered - I don't even know why I'm blogging. Perhaps it's because I'm too tired to go on MSN and somehow it's easier to talk to oneself than to other people. Er, I don't make a habit of it.

So now I'm home and decidedly un-grumpy and delighted to see the Harrys and Brian and very grateful to KR and Ce for looking after them and hoovering up all the fur that they shed during Prime Moulting Season which happened to be last week. Last week was also The Week That Everything Grew - no, not the Harrys, thankfully (they're actually smaller without all that fur) - I'm still shocked by how LONG the grass is and how BIG the plants are, especially the tomato plants, which have made it look like our spare room is being used for something illegal. It's also at the front of the house, which means we have some emergency gardening to do.

Photos will be on Flickr at some point this century; i.e. as soon as A nags me into submission.

Posted by j at 3:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

You know how when you're off on holiday, your brain slowly starts to shut down and then unravels as you realise you are going to have a break and not have to work hard or whatever, even though if you weren't going on holiday, you would probably be fine and bite your lip and get on with things as usual, with the typical British Upper Lip Thingy?

Maybe, maybe not.

Anyway, that's how I feel right now. The good part is that C just reminded me that this time tomorrow we'll be in France so I can unravel by the pool.

And no, I probably won't be blogging. If you're stuck for something do to (which you may well be if you're here reading this in the first place), have a look at my nerdish Project Tuesday, complete with "clever" comments from A, who is masquerading on Flickr as gretag, in case you hadn't guessed. It's probably easiest just to play the slideshow, but obviously it hasn't finished cooking yet because, well, it's May and not December.

Is it science? Is it art? Who knows. It's doing wonders for my patience.

So, byeeee! And don't worry. KR is doing next Tuesday's Project photo in my absence, as well as all Harry-related duties. KR and Ce rock!

Posted by j at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

No more wee, thank God.

And no, we didn't take all of the above home, in case anyone was wondering about the title of this post. I was more referring to the piles of randomly procured things in the kitchen and on the washing line that need to be Freecycled by us, but not yet because WE ARE GOING ON HOLIDAY SOON, so for now they're kind of temporarily classified as memorabilia.

Crazy? Yes. That's me. And C.

Bag ladies? Not yet. For now, just crazy cat ladies. OMG.

Posted by j at 5:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What would I say if you asked me if I'd spent all weekend traipsing around a field in the mud, voluntarily picking up rubbish and recycling other people's alcohol-related debris at a camping festival that I'm not even camping at, because they don't allow dogs, and also because we're kind of running a cat B&B at the moment (which is a whole other story for another day)?

I'd say yes. And I'd add that 10am is a particularly horrible time to have stale beer all over your hands.

Heh. It's actually fun, believe it or not, mostly because of the obvious environmental benefits, but also because it's quite a sociable job and C and I have both met loads of lovely people - and nagged them about recycling, of course.

It's also really disgusting. Who knew that baked bean flavour baby food could make so much mess? And also who DIDN'T know that sanitary towels can't be recycled?! Oh, and if the two men who peed drunkenly in the plastics bin outside the main marquee ever tell me it was them, they will live to regret it*. Nuff said!

The weirdest thing we've found so far has to be the pair of gentleman's suit shoes which were placed neatly at the bottom of one of the bins soon after the festival started. All very mysterious!

So. More mud and beer cans beckon tomorrow... just please, no more wee*.

* And yes, I know that was probably all Too Much Information, but, umm, how else am I meant to process such weirdness?

Posted by j at 6:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The scene: Our kitchen, just now. Doorbell rings.

C: There's someone at the door. [goes to front door, opens it]

Through the glass door, I can make out three people on the doorstep; one of whom is wearing a weird bib thing (think netball) with "NDCS" on it. I bid a hasty retreat to the back garden to throw breadcrumbs out for the birds. A minute later, C appears.

Me: I know who it is and I'm not doing it.

C: Oh, come on. Just meet them. I told them I have someone I'd like them to meet...

Me: I don't want to! You can't make me!

C: Oh come on.

Me: No!

C: GO!

I go into the hall, to find NDCS Bib Man stroking Harrythedog who is lying across the doorway, with two very smart looking women standing behind.

Bib Man: SaysomethingbutIhavenoideawhatblahblah.

Me: [pointing to bib] Can't you sign?

Bib Man: [going red] Er, no.

Me: Can you?

Woman 1: No.

Me: Can you?

Woman 2: Er, no.

Me: [voiced over by C] You work for the NDCS and you can't sign? Shame on you!

Bib Man: [redder] Well, I've only been working for them for three weeks.

Me: [voiced over by C] Oh, plenty of time to learn then!

Bib Man: Er, yeah. Um, have you had any services from the NDCS recently?

Me: [voiced over by C] Um, not lately. I'm 33!

Bib Man: No?!

Me: Oh yes.

C: I don't think there's much you can tell us about the NDCS that we don't know already.

Bib Man: Well. Bye then!

[they leave]

Me: And now they're going to tell our neighbours all about deaf children.

C: Well I hope they don't think it's because of you!

Me: Did he really not believe I'm 33?!

C: No!

Posted by j at 7:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This evening, Brian decided to move in, for reasons known only to himself. He is showing no desire to leave. Kind of like a sit-in. And yes, Harrythecat looks furious. Mind you, Harrythecat's default expression is furious.

Oh dear.

Posted by j at 7:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am just sorry that I missed this. What does it mean?!

Is it art? That is the question!

Posted by j at 12:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... but HOW CUTE IS THIS?!

OMG. CUTE!!

Yessss, I've subbed to icanhascheezburger.com. And noooo, I wasn't interested in it until I became a Crazy Cat Lady In Training.

However! Lest anyone thinks I have gone all soft in my old age, I had better point out that THIS is my favourite one so far:

Quite amazing innit, the resemblance?

Posted by j at 8:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you haven't tried purple sprouting broccoli, TRY SOME NOW, before it goes out of season.

I'd always eyed it with mild suspicion until recently, because, well, it looks kind of weird and isn't broccoli meant to be GREEN anyway?! But then we switched to the farmer's market rather than getting an organic veg box when we moved here, and the farmer always has tons of the stuff, so I have been brave and tried it and decided that I LOVE IT. Seriously, it's fantastic. And yes, you're meant to eat the leaves too, which means much less faffing about.

I can't quite believe I'm sitting here raving about how wonderful a vegetable is, but seemingly, I am. And I am very sad that it's going out of season soon.

So, do not let the humble purple sprouting broccoli remain ignored!

Posted by j at 6:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Tip Warning of the day:

If you start using an extra monitor with your laptop while your PC is being fixed by the nice people down the hill, please be aware that you will never, ever like using one monitor again. In fact, a solitary screen will seem so inadequate that, in effect, you will feel like someone has sawn your entire desk in half for a laugh.

Then, when your PC comes back from the nice people down the hill, you will leave it in its box for over a week until you get round to buying a second monitor so that you can carry on with your new dual monitor habit obsession.

You have been told!

Posted by j at 4:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's snowing...

... and this weekend, C and I are way too knackered to do anything or go anywhere (that's what overtime does to you when you're our age!) so we decided to stay home and grow things.

OK, to be more exact, we've planted things rather than grown them, because that's the part you have to do first. So, yeah, our newly chitted seed potatoes are planted, but we had to keep bringing them in because of the snow, so we've kind of given up and they're in the utility room for now until it looks more like April again.

Along with the potatoes, we've planted tomatoes, sweetpeas and various other flowers, mushrooms, crystals and, er, an envelope. But it's no ordinary envelope - after all, how could A possibly consider giving me a birthday card in an ORDINARY envelope?! - it's a special Florelope made from sheep's poo and seeds (only in Wales!) and if we water it and everything, it'll turn into flowers! O-K-K-K-K.

Sooooooo... in the absence of any instructions, said envelope was optimistically ripped into several pieces:

... and then arranged as so:

... then covered in compost.

Now this is the part where we cross our fingers and hope for the best, at the same time as feeling slightly suspicious that this is all a con and well, who plants envelopes?! Er, us.

A's Dad, ever the cynic, thinks they'll come up as dandelions, but I'm secretly hoping for something like the ones on our kitchen table at the moment:

Who knows?

Posted by j at 4:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Remember this? If you liked it, you'll love this...

... this time around, I could actually relate to it, which was kind of weird but just made it funnier. Thanks for emailing it, A!

Posted by j at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Spotted in the Calder countryside this afternoon...

I think someone got something wrong somewhere?!

Posted by j at 4:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... but it certainly feels like it already, so here's a brilliant game in honour of The Feeling. Many thanks to E for dropping it in the comment box!

Now I have to go and re-attend to my overflowing inbox. In case you haven't noticed, this campaign's really been hotting up in the media this week*, and guess who's become obsessed with obtaining radio transcripts? If you're hearing, we're hiring! But we don't have any money!

Fun, fun, fun.

* Don't believe most of what you read. Seriously. We don't want to create designer babies, oh nooooo. We just don't want anyone to be able to create anything. Er, basically. Bye!

Posted by j at 3:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi.

Coherence coming sooooon!

Posted by j at 7:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Just so that I don't break my blog-at-least-once-a-week rule.

Posted by j at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Does anyone out there take echinacea daily to ward off colds? I do, amongst other things, or I did, until I found out that taking it daily might not actually be a good idea because it means your body might just get used to it, so it kind of won't work any more. Oh dear. So I stopped taking it daily, after doing so - and being illness-free - for a few months, and guess what? A day or two later I started to get a sore throat. There was nothing for it but to start taking it again.

I am a slave to herbal remedies. Agh!

When I explained this to C this morning, we agreed that my immune system is a bit unhinged, so I need to be "restored to my factory settings" and go back to my default, echinacea-free self (what kind of conversationalists merge geekisms with herbalisms, I don't know, but it suits us fine and we understand each other!). Does anyone know how long this might take, just out of interest?

Whilst on the subject of factory settings and defaults, my PC tower is due back today, sometime within a 10-hour "I'm afraid we can't confirm what time it will be with you" window. Apparently, "The engineer found "bad sectors" on the hard drive. Which has been replaced." So all of that palaver and chasing of tails and miscommunications and lost ties in gardens was their fault? What a surprise.

And will I get an apology? I doubt it. And by default, this means that the Evil Computer People are going to get a long, annoyed letter from me. When I have a moment, anyway.

Posted by j at 9:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Brilliant, eh? C forwarded me the above advert, along with a load of others which were equally mindboggling, if not more so. Here are three of my favourites (email me if this kind of thing trips you out too and you'd like me to forward the original to you)...

Clever!

Scary! "It's not loaded, officer, honest!"

And... ouch. They should probably have that one in London, especially if it's still as ridiculous as it was when I lived there, and millions of people crammed into buses as if there was no tomorrow and they didn't actually need to breathe or anything basic like that. Oh no.

Posted by j at 5:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Because a) we want to grow potatoes again this year and b) it sounded quite fascinating, C and I went along to the local Potato Day today. As my dad often says, you don't know until you try.

Ignoring warnings to pre-book seed potatoes because of the rush, we were rather alarmed to arrive just after noon to find the finish time had been slashed to 2pm from 4pm and someone had chalked "HURRY, GOING FAST!" on the sign outside. Clearly, they're mad for potatoes in these parts, so we rushed inside, to be greeted by a lovely but very serious lady who talked us through basic Potato Politics and warned, "these ones are new, so we don't know what they're like," as if she was worried that they might grow teeth and attack us in the night. I resisted the urge to say "they're potatoes."

And we bought some. Woo!

Posted by j at 8:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

After a long, boring and drawn out series of emails with the Evil Computer People, who of course didn't answer any of my questions or even get my contact details right, this morning my PC tower was taken away to London by a huge man with a blonde mullet, who looked like a cross between a wrestler and an 80s action movie star. I can't decide which.

But anyway, the above is kind of irrelevant (especially the part about the mullet) because the point of this post is to ask for advice, not ramble on about delivery men.

I gave up on my PC weeks and weeks ago, and have been using the laptop since. It's been fine, especially as I added a second monitor to it, which has helped my posture because I have RSI and hate laptops for that reason. The departure of my PC spurred me to pimp up my laptop even more, and today I tried plugging in an extra keyboard. But it wouldn't work. I've tried doing it with 2 different keyboards, both with an USB/PS2 adaptor cable, and both with all the right drivers etc, but it won't work!

So does anyone out there know if I am missing something really obvious, like disabling my laptop keyboard or something else that I can't seem to do?! If so, I would be happy to be embarrassed by your comments in the comments box.

I thank you, and goodnight!

Posted by j at 7:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's amazing, the amount of crap that people have thrown on the canal to try and break the ice:

Well, it didn't work. Not even this Christmas tree worked (I know, I know)...

To be fair, though, it probably doesn't weigh nearly as much as it used to, seeing as it's so old and shrivelled and crispy now. Poor thing!

In other news, C and I have realised with much fascination that as our house is south-facing and we live on a hill, we're also on "the right side of the valley". This means we get plenty of sun but if we look out of the window over to the other side of the hill (a mile or so away), everything's frozen and freezing and might as well be in another country. Seriously.

And yes, I know - I'm meant to have blogged about the fifth and last Geocache that we found a week ago. So here is photographic evidence:

Doesn't he look proud?! And so he should, because it was hidden in a really-hard-to-find place, in the middle of nowhere, with lots of rocks and bushes and not even a path. Well, we had to get rid of that blasted Mickey Mouse travel bug thingy that we've had for waaay too long... the Geocaching people will not be happy with us! Now we are travel bug-free and relieved (I wouldn't let C pick up either of the two that were in the cache!)

When we'd done that, we went for a walk on the moors and got a bit lost - as we usually do - which was slightly scary* but excellent for the old stress levels, because if all you can see is this...

... what is there to worry about?

* In my view, the scariest things about moors are boggy bits, which must be crossed either by running lightly or walking very slowly and carefully, depending on various things, just in case you sink in the mud or get chased by a spook. Running aimlessly in a blind panic screaming "CLAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEE!" is not advised, because it means you'll lose your sense of direction and henceforth your mind.

So yeah. there are some things to worry about on moors. Luckily, that day was bog-free.

Finally, because this is turning into a really long ramble with no aim, if anyone is thinking of going to see I Am Legend [warning: link makes a noise!], I thoroughly recommend it. Me and C went to see it at the local cinema the other day, and it was SCARY. So scary that we both screamed in places, which was a bit embarrassing, especially as there was an old lady there on her own - on her own?! - and stuff. C was freaked out because no-one told her there were flesh eating zombies in it (you've been warned!) and even more freaked out by the fact that I knew, and I still went along and watched it.

I can be brave sometimes.

Posted by j at 6:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is an example of typical office life a la Team H@Do*:

He seems to be fixated by my desktop wallpaper, which is this fantastic photo of C doing a snow angel (you're never too old!) a couple of weeks ago**:

Oh, the wonders of modern catology.

* Feel free to visit our most excellent website. No, this is not a shameless advertising ploy. We do do free stuff too!

** Note to self: SORT OUT FLICKR! SOON!

Posted by j at 4:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I looooooove Valentine's Day kind of despite myself, largely because I looooooove C and it presents an opportunity for me to do ridiculous things to remind her so.

However, I know not everyone shares the looooooove. So if you don't, this is for you:

Posted by j at 1:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Having animal co-workers is great!

When Harrythecat isn't sitting on my mobile phone or my diary, he is trying to pin my arms down so that I can't type, or can only move the mouse a bit. C thinks I should turf him off, but he is honestly too cute. He's also quite funny. Just now, when I banned him from walking over my arm for the 5th time this afternoon, he shot me a positively horrified look, stalked over the desk to his princess cushion (oh, yes!) and sat glowering with his back to me for several minutes. Priceless.

And Harrythedog? He only cares if there's food around... if not, he just kips. And farts. Not forgetting the farts! Oh, and after a particularly long day, he will stare at me crazily, barking urgently at intervals, until I shut down my computer and give in and take him for a walk ... a walk that we BOTH need.

The best thing about furry colleagues? They don't argue over whose turn it is to make coffee.

Posted by j at 2:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In the office...

Me: You know, I think I became Deaf during the International Year of Disabled People.

C: How very organised of you.

Posted by j at 3:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Seriously.

Posted by j at 10:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After a dodgy start, I can confirm that it is SNOWING in Hebden Bridge and Mytholmroyd.

Thank you and good afternoon!

Posted by j at 3:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know I am 32. But snow is funnnnnnnnnn!

Posted by j at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Click on the house and be spooked!

Were you? I was. The things that L emails me!

Today, we learned that next door, Pussy's name is Daisy*. Pussy-aka-Daisy lives next door most of the time, although it is not her official home and she doesn't spend the night there (I think they're in denial). Her official home, our next door neighbours think, is with someone down the street who, um, how shall I put it, has problems looking after her. Nuff said.

* When C found out Pussy was aka Daisy, she said "Oh, is she a girl then?" and our neighbour said "I don't know! Is she?"

And we don't really want to learn how to find out.

Posted by j at 6:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

OK, so Mr Cousin kicked my ass and told me to link to Mrs Cousin's excellent new doula website, so I just did. (And in case you don't know what a doula does, they're like midwives, but nicer. I think. That's not to say midwives aren't nice, of course. I should probably stop here.)

So anyway, I thought I might as well do a complete spring clean of my wayyyyy olddddd links, so if you look to the right of your screen, you will find them. And yes, I know they are rather untidy. I like them like that!

And, for the record, the water has gone down and you can hardly tell there was a flood yesterday, except it's a bit muddy and stuff, and in places it looks like someone threw a huge bucket of water down the road.

Funnily enough, we've been meaning to buy wellies for a while now, seeing as we spend so much time tramping around in the mud with the dog and stuff like that. After yesterday, our need for wellies has become urgent - if you can have a Welly Emergency, we're close to having one - but now all the local shops have sold out. Seriously. Even the "youths" wear them around here... which means we can't be THAT uncool.

In other completely unrelated news, we saw the very good The Golden Compass with subtitles on Sunday, at our local cinema, which is a darn sight better than the ones in Preston (it sells cups of tea! in proper cups! imagine! L and A were thrilled, and C was jealous because she didn't get one)... not to mention nearer. Oh, the irony.

As well as that, this morning, I was very pleased and rather taken aback to find that one of the women who works in the local greengrocer's can sign, and remembered enough to have a conversation, despite not having signed for 10 years.

This place constantly intrigues me.

Posted by j at 6:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Note how you can barely tell the difference between the road and the river, which is scarily high behind the wall - it seems to have risen a good few feet...

... On the way down the hill (we were walking the dog, alright!) we bumped into a neighbour who excitedly informed us that all of the shops in Mytholmroyd are closed except for Sainsbury's, where she works, which is "just" open because it's got more steps. We also saw someone bleakly bailing buckets and buckets of water out of their house. Right now I am just glad we live on a hill, and feel really sorry for those who don't.

More later, maybe.

Posted by j at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

This morning we were having a late breakfast (I know, I know, slow start) when C suddenly jumped out of her skin because there was a loud, LOUD noise outside that sounded just like an air raid siren from World War Two. Apparently it was like this:

WAAAAA-WOOOOOOOO, WAAAAAA-WOOOOOOO, WAAAAAA-OOOOOOO

So we rushed to the door and I could feel it if I touched the wood. I also saw a small child outside on a bike - in the rain - rather than at school, so we concluded it was probably a flood warning. Some quick googling told us that it was.

It's not exactly a surprise as there's been sand bags all over the place for a week or so now, but the main road is shut so C can't go and interpret later. Oh dear. We are trapped upon our hill!

Posted by j at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hooray, I have finally uploaded my new header (if you can't see it, press SHIFT-REFRESH). While it is unimportant in the face of, er, important things, it was important to me in the name of Tidiness Of The Brain. Thanks must go to R for helping me to realise that ".JPG" should have been ".jpg" - a small but important detail.

ANYWAY. The image you see at the top of this page is of the very fine dry stone wall that is at the end of our back garden... while we don't own this wall, we are apparently 'in charge' of it, whatever that means. I guess we have to make sure it doesn't fall down or something, but there isn't much chance of that as it's as heavy as hell - much respect for the people who built it in the first place - so I'm not too worried.

I'm also less worried about Pussy now that our special new cat shelter arrived this morning (kind of from eBay, yes, T) and is in its rightful place outside. Is it weird to worry so much about a cat that you don't even know?! It's not as if I don't have anything else to worry about - believe me, I do - but anyway, it was important to me, especially as it's freezing here. I'd post a photo of the shelter, but it's really unexciting - kind of like a curved lump of "sandstone" coloured plastic with a hole in it - but as long as it does the job, that's OK with me.

So who'd have thought I'd be scouring the net for cat shelters?! I'm probably just going soft in my old age. Further evidence of this softness/old age is the fact that I am ALLOWING Harrythecat to stand menacingly on my lap as I type this, partially pinning my right arm to the desk and making it very difficult to type indeed. This is something I mercilessly wound A up about for years, before I too succumbed to The Control Of The Cat.

I have to go. He really won't let me type.

Posted by j at 4:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Last night our neighbour kindly came to the door in the rain to tell us that our car was illegally parked facing the wrong way, and we should turn it round because "they fined 20 people all at the same time on that once." Ehhhh?! Yes, she said; it's something to do with a bizarre highway law that says you aren't allowed to park your car facing the 'wrong way' at night, otherwise other drivers might shine their headlights into yours and think you're about to move, or something like that:

Parking at night

248

You MUST NOT park on a road at night facing against the direction of the traffic flow unless in a recognised parking space.

[Laws CUR reg 101 & RVLR reg 24]

Has anyone else ever heard of this kind of thing happening?!

In other news, we are getting a cat shelter. Laugh if you may, but you don't live here and have to endure the nightly pain of sending Pussy The Stalker Cat away in the rain. Granted, Pussy doesn't seem to want to stay (s/he just wants food), but s/he looks neglected and always seems to be freezing. So, s/he is getting a wee shelter in our garden. A quick G00gle told me that cat houses are ridiculous both in terms of price and image (OK, so that's an American website, but the UK ones were no better - I even found one for over £700! Can you imagine?!), so I've appealed on Freecycle instead.

I wish people wouldn't treat animals so craply. I mean, what kind of evil monster does this?! (NOTE: Do not click on the link if you're easily upset and/or love horses)

Sigh.

Posted by j at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

As I said yesterday, too many Freecyclers wanted our Freeview digibox, so I put their names in a "hat" for Ce to draw the winner. I did this by emailing Ce a list of random first names to choose from, with no further information. Ce duly picked a name, saying she was "drawn" to it for some reason. Thinking Ce was a bit strange - but whatever - I emailed the woman to tell her that the digibox is now hers. And guess what?

She's Deaf!

Posted by j at 2:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

While it's not quite a storm after the calm, getting back into the swing of things after Christmas always feels weirdly like you've just taken your brain out of a box and popped it back into your skull, doesn't it? Well, it does for me.

After grappling with my email inboxes, I managed to fill one again in about 12 minutes flat after advertising a long list of stuff on Freecycle (go on, you know you want to!) and suddenly becoming the most popular person in Mytholmroyd. Just as well it's a small place.

Notably, one woman was "really chuffed" to find that some of our old plates matched her plates and she now has a full set. Spooky, but cool!

Aside from that, I have had loads and loads of emails from random people who want our old digibox - because we now have Sky - each with their own Very Good Reason, which means one thing; they will all have to be put in a hat, with the winner drawn by Ce, who kindly gave us the digibox in the first place. I hate it when this happens... you never know who is genuine, and you feel like you can't judge, because who are you to judge who "deserves" something more than someone else? So Ce and the hat come in. Phew!

Next thing on today's list of boring things to do was to buy a mobile phone. "Oh, get her!" you may cry, but please bear in mind that I hate buying mobile phones. It's all so complicated! I did try to buy one from a shop, but the assistant was a bored, tuned-out youth who completely lacked a sense of humour, and whose vocabulary consisted mainly of "yeah" and "no" and "oh, I don't know," so I had zero luck. In fact, she was so demotivating that I wanted to wave my existing mobile phone in front of her, crush it into tiny pieces with my heel and ask her to dispose of it for me, just to see if she reacted. Lord.

So I decided to cut out the human whatsoever and buy one online. Cue much late-afternoon surfing by me and C, who is just about as clueless as I, trying desperately not to get bored and go and do something more exciting. Anyway I managed to find one in the end - the best thing about it was the fact that it was described as "simple to use" - but not before surfing through pictures of zillions of phones and having to fill in a long, long form online and then suffering much outrage at the fact that my first TWO user name choices were taken. God.

Who cares, anyway? It's on its way, apparently.

Why I am even blogging all this, I don't know. Perhaps my 2008 brain is full already and thus needs emptying? Fun!

Posted by j at 4:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Can anyone see a dry stone wall at the top of this blog? Let me know if you can, because I can't, and it's supposed to be there because it's my new header. Oh well - it's my own fault for being too lazy to go and get the external hard drive, plug it in and blahhhhhh *snips boring details*

So. Christmas is officially over. Our decorations are down, largely helped by Harry the cat, who (we suspect) knocked over our tree while we were out shopping the other day. This wouldn't have been quite so dramatic if a) the tree hadn't been 7 feet tall; b) it hadn't narrowly missed my new digital photo frame, C's new internet radio and our glass coffee table; and c) it hadn't happened on January 4th, which is the day that decorations are traditionally meant to come down. Spoooooky.

Herewith the dramatic evidence (*note the industrial-sized tin of Quality Street, brought by Ce, as it is an Essential Christmas Item. The tin no longer contains Quality Street. Hooray!):

Angel Number 1 landed flat on her face...

... while Angel Number 2 managed to stay upright, entangled in a mass of Christmas Tree Debris...

The cat rounded off his vandalism spree by throwing his bed halfway across the room and relocating to the dog's bed instead. Quite what was going through his mind, I don't know... maybe it was something to do with the fact that he's only just started to go outside, but it's too wet and cold to be fun, so he's sulking. Whatever.

In other news, me, C and Harry the dog - obviously - have bravely ignored my injured foot and managed to rack up about 10 miles' worth of canal towpath walking in the last couple of weeks. That's actually 20 miles if you consider how we do it on a there-and-back basis... only another 21 miles to Manchester (and a further 21 miles back). Hahahaha.

So anywayyyyyy I have to go and do more useful things, which means I need to make a pile of things to Freecycle because they are being replaced by new items, and because we now have millions of plates all over the place and C is trying patiently to do a jigsaw but there isn't room.

Ah, the trivial side of life. I like it!

Posted by j at 6:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

2007 was a year in which Things Happened. I hope 2008 is a year in which More Things Happen. Good Things; to me and to you all. After all, as KR just said in a text which managed to wriggle through the jammed network and find its way to my phone:

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day!

... If the cat had a book, it would be a big, heavy spy novel, because everything is one huge conspiracy. He constantly unnerves me and C by stalking around suspiciously and staring at us through narrowed cat eyes, as if he is casing the joint and working out his new move in his 52-year masterplan. On the other hand, the dog's novel would be more like a comic; perhaps a Tom and Jerry-style one or something like that. He's easily pleased!

And my book? It's called To Be Continued...

Posted by j at 11:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

OK so I accidently broke my must-try-to-blog-1x-week rule, partly because I was busy doing Christmas stuff like eating too much and crawling slowly up and down the M1 in Crazy Festive Traffic (no, I didn't drive) to visit me and C's families... and partly because I have developed a kind of post-work allergy to computers and become strangely drawn to tragic Christmas TV instead.

Wow, that was a long sentence. The last one was much shorter.

But anyway, it all went very well and was enjoyed in all the right places, I am pleased to report. (I hope the same was true for anyone who is reading this!) And now I'm left with a Christmas Belly, a pile of cool pressies including a digital photo frame *yay!*, a permanent, vague hangover and an injured foot.

Yeeees. So our plans to go walking in the new year are now under threat because my foot is black and blue and doesn't work properly. I COULD explain how this happened but I don't think I would manage to do it very well - it was one of those "you had to be there" experiences - but I CAN say it involved the cat sitting in the wrong place, thus giving me a fright and nearly sending me tumbling downstairs, saved only by my foot. And no, I wasn't at all drunk.

Oh yes, the cat was involved. I need say no more. Instead, I'm hobbling downstairs, taking my Christmas Belly with me for more fuel, resolving to fight my new-found computerphobia in 2008 and blog more. Or something.

Posted by j at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's official: Mr Corbett is a geek.

Herewith more evidence...

He loves computers, and kindly sent me into a panic tonight by walking across the laptop and turning the Number Lock on, which took me 5 minutes to work out. So... his new Favourite Place is the space between two computers - one dead [I thank you again for your recommendation, Joe!], one alive - which is much better than the dog's bed...

...so much better, in fact, that he has to be dragged away from the desk in order to come downstairs and be sociable and watch TV with us all. Ring any bells?!

I wonder if this all has some kind of hidden meaning? Or maybe it just means that cats are weird.

Posted by j at 8:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

First off, please admire our fine Christmas tree decor:

Will probably post a photo of it in its entirety - if anyone is remotely interested - when our angels are ready for the top. But they aren't yet. Instead, we have some groovy new LED lights, which make our living room look like a nightclub most of the time (only C knows how to switch on the 'peacefully glowing' setting).

HOWEVER, our neighbours are crazy for Christmas lights. Crazy, ker-azeeeee, indeed. We tried to get evidence, but taking photos from a moving car is not easy (I don't share C's view that it is perfectly normal and acceptable to walk down the street and stand in front of my neighbour's house with a camera, like some kind of paparazzi person)... however, I think this picture gives a pretty good idea of HOW crazy they are:

Yeees. Every single time I pass their house, my breath is taken away. Wow.

In other festive news, Ce has kindly elfed me and C, which can be seen here by anyone who wants to laugh at us (we did, several times).

And A has kindly sent us some cat nip, which looks suspiciously like a bunch of old herbs, and may or may not save our furniture - I haven't had time to put some in an old sock and wave it around in front of the cat's face as instructed - cat fans, you will be updated.

Have a happy weekend, all!

Posted by j at 5:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Don't you just hate it when everything breaks down just before Christmas, and you feel like "agh" because a) it costs money and b) you don't have time to deal with it because you're already spending your entire life trying to deal with the Pre Christmas Rush at work? Well, I do anyway.

And I know there are other things in the world more blogworthy that I should be moaning about, but I don't have the brainspace to think about them, so here is my list of breakages (in no particular order):

1) The car. Haaaaaa, of course it would be the car, because the car always breaks down just before Christmas every year. This year, not content with sustaining a dent after a youth* used it as - er - a trampoline, the car decided to have a puncture in its wheel too, which meant we had to drive around to no less than four garages this morning, before we found the one that was run by Tyre King, who knows everything there is to know about tyres. Then, while he was looking at it, we took the dog for a walk and almost got trampled by a herd of horses who ran at us (it's true... well, at least the dog almost got trampled). And now, we have to go back again tomorrow because Tyre King says blahhhhhh and blahhhhh and whatever, but mainly because it's the most complicated way of doing things.

*exhales*

2) The TV signal. Contrary to popular belief, living on a hill does not help you to get better TV signals, so tomorrow we are getting Sky TV**, because our electrician (who has been 11 times; we counted) said it's the only way we might actually see subtitles and proper TV channels and everything else that TVs are supposed to show.

3) My computer. Oh yes, siree. The Evil That Is V*sta has finally won the war and - er - done something. Sigh. So now my computer doesn't work without randomly switching itself off when I'm in the middle of the Pre Christmas Rush. Thank god for laptops, is all I can say, and that's strong coming from someone who hates laptops.

4) The dog.*** Who is now banned from under the bed for the rest of his life.

5) The cat. **** More catvice needed please, cat fans: how do you make a cat use his lovely new scratching pole thingy rather than scratching all of our doors and furniture to smithereens?

And that was my Broken Things Rant. Thank you and goodnight!

* - we think.
** - if you're interested in the special Dixons £75 deal and the website says it's sold out, don't be fooled because it isn't, and you can save a further 10% by putting in the code SKY10.
*** and **** - mainly just mentioned to annoy OPD, because she thinks I blog about the Harrys too much. And she is right!

Posted by j at 6:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Posted by j at 6:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

... All blame/credit for the above must go to OPD, because she emailed me saying "I think this is very funny....you might not." and asked me to stick it on here. And I did, so I did.

But in all seriousness, the Government's carelessness and stupidity is not funny. Oh, no siree, it is not. There are many things I could say about it but I'm not in the mood.

Instead, I will tell my (in)visible blog readers our Harry Latest. They are both sulking because they went to the vet yesterday; Harry Corbett is convinced it's all a major conspiracy because we shut him in a box against his will and made him swallow an unidentified object, also against his will. And he is a cat, thus must be obeyed at all times, so he punished us by holding a hunger strike. Thankfully he has now given in and eaten, but is hiding behind Harry Barker's chair JUST TO MAKE SURE.

Harry Barker, meanwhile, is grumpy because he has hurt his back by over-chasing squirrels (at his age! oh, yes!) and is therefore banned from Under The Bed, which is one of his most favourite places in the world. He's tried to rebel and go there anyway but it's barricaded so he can't, so he has to stay in the office with me instead, WHICH IS NOT FUN.

And the over-nourished Pussy is nowhere to be seen, despite everyone's wise advice. Maybe s/he thinks we'll take her/him to the vet too?

Posted by j at 1:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have just fed Pussy*, the neighbourhood stalker cat who keeps scaring me through the kitchen window, for the second day running (and about the 5th or 6th time in total). When I told C this, she just said "Oh good," and carried on talking to her Dad on the phone, as if it was all completely normal.

That's what I want to know... is it normal to feed cats when you've no idea who they are or where they came from, but they're ever so - dare I say it - cute, and you feel really sorry for them and worry that they aren't getting enough to eat? While I'm far from harbouring kittens and becoming a crazy cat woman like A [dodging thump], I need to know. Because if I/we are doing the wrong thing by feeding Pussy and s/he will become over-nourished, if there is such a thing, then I/we will have to stop.

In the meantime, Harry Corbett is smugly sitting in Harry Barker's chair, while Harry Barker pretends not to notice, instead making us feed him bits of toast because he knows we feel The Guilt. Badly.

* - Not his/her real name. Probably.

Posted by j at 12:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

1) Because this mess is happening and I don't know how to even start to describe it. The only good thing about it is the fact that it's mobilised Deaf people INTERNATIONALLY and finally the UK seems to be awakening.

2) Because the Ekko plastic recycling factory is going to close down at the end of December and we will therefore be left with a mountain of plastic debris.

3) Because the cat is still king.

Posted by j at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Harry is learning how Harry is God, thus must be obeyed at all times. He knows this because Harry The God has almost completely taken over our house, by positioning himself right in the middle of the sofa where he has a good view of his surroundings. Most of the time, Harry The God is quite calm and sleepy, but when approached by Harry, he growls menacingly to warn him that he is only a dog, and thus has no right to claim ownership of a house, never mind a piece of furniture. Like me and C, Harry accepts that Harry The God is God, and grudgingly surrenders his freedom, mostly because it just seems easier that way.

No surprises there, then.

Posted by j at 8:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

To cut a long, long story short, yesterday we went to a cat rescue place in search of a 3-legged cat called Mandu, but ended up with a different cat, who has 4 legs and is much less grumpy and scary. In fact, he isn't grumpy or scary at all, and is very nice indeed. So without further ado, here he is!

His name? Harry. Oh yes, it is.

As Harry is 12, and has been called Harry for 12 years (as far as we know), we don't feel it's very polite to change his name now. So Harry stays Harry, and the other Harry (who has been Harry for 10 years) also stays Harry. It has been a very Harry-ed weekend, and rather confusing. My sis, who was staying with us, remarked how it's a bit like the two Ronnies. So, for obvious reasons, we have given them surnames, thus "upgrading" them to Harry Barker and Harry Corbett (if anyone wants to know which is which, I will be surprised). They sound like a pair of old men, which is kind of what they are... we're joking that Mr Corbett is here for his retirement, and so he is.

And do our two elderly gentlemen get on? Err, not really. Not yet, anyway. Mr Barker was delighted to see Mr Corbett, who did not share his view, hissing evilly at him in disgust. Mr Corbett, however, seems to really like me and C, which is a little surprising, but helps a lot.

Maybe we'll just call him H.

PS: For the record, we also went geocaching, but couldn't find caches 5 and 6 because the map and the land totally didn't match and we were cold and wet and muddy, so we took wee sis to see geocache 4 instead, and made her find it. She was thrilled.

Posted by j at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

That was a long walk. Reminds me a bit of this story from the other week. Yes, cats are weird.

They're annoying too, stalking me through the kitchen window when I'm washing the dishes, frightening the life out of me and demanding food/milk/attention/something else that I can't work out because I am not 'down with the cats'. They also wee on our door! Oh yes they do. Someone explained that it's cos they're marking their territory. Well it's not their territory; IT'S MY HOUSE AND I DON'T LIKE ANYONE (or animals) WEEING ON IT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I can't believe I've just written a whole blog post about cats, when we don't even have one. It must be Time.

Bedtime.

Posted by j at 10:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

... but you can't take the journo out of the girl.

Yes, I know I have been a terrible blogger of late, partly because I haven't had time and partly because I haven't been in the mood. While this does not actually matter at all, it matters to me because it's my blog, and because I make the mistake of promising to blog about things. And I don't like breaking promises.

So all the Things I Have Been Meaning To Blog About have piled up and become a completely random list for me to get out of my system in one mixed up, incoherent blog post. Which is what I am doing now.

So, this is the part where you start reading something else instead.

First up: The Mystery Object!
OKKKKKKK, fact fans. It was a medieval bee hive. How could you not have known that?! Still, it was fun reading the many confused comments that resulted (and worrying - Ce, I don't think a bee is an animal?!). And in case you don't believe me, Ce dug up these links (cheers!).

RIght. NOW you know.

Secondly, I have another mystery object.
No, really. We got it in the post, and haven't a clue what it is, so decided to stick it on here and see if anyone else does...! Here it is:

It's made of rubber, thus is not what C thought it might be, i.e. something to open cans with (!) Any ideas?! We need to know.

Thirdly, we found the unfindable Geocache the other day.
Yes, we went all the way up that big hill again to find this...

Of course, it contained a travel bug - that's the blurred Mickey Mouse figure you can see on the left - which has come all the way from USA and is now in our kitchen. Thinking of dragging C&J up another big hill to dispose of it (and thus escape the clutches of travel bugs) when they come this weekend, if they let us. And if it isn't snowing!

We were going to do that the other day after finding the above cache, but it was getting dark so we hurried down the hill instead. I did get some nice photos, though, like this:

and this.

Finally, I have too many other things to blog about so I am just going to list some of them here instead (not in any particular order).

* Me and C saw a deer from the kitchen window the other day, running across the field.
* The deer was being chased by a dog.
* We didn't see either of them again, but are sure they are fine.
* We also saw a woodpecker the other day, which makes a change from seeing cats killing things.
* In addition to the sweet grey neighbourhood cat, Pussy, who has adopted us, we might be getting a new cat.
* It's a bit fierce, and has three legs.
* However, we don't know yet.
* If we do, it'll be the third animal we have offered to home in the last week.
* The other two are homed elsewhere. Long story!
* After giving away nearly all of our belongings on Freecycle, we won a breadmaker the other day!
* And this morning I won a nice blue cupboard, which should fit exactly into the empty space in the spare room.
* I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't.
* The electrician is coming soon for the 5th or 6th time in the last month, because the downstairs lights don't work at the moment.
* The electrician is really cool, but I'm sick of seeing him!
* I typed all of this blog post and the other one from my bed because I am not feeling very well at the moment.
* I could use some sympathy.
* I'm sick of making lists so I'll stop now.

... Now that's all out of my system, I can sleep easy. And I probably don't need to blog again for about 7 years. Hooray.

Posted by j at 5:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (19)

Me and A were lucky enough to get places at BarCamp Leeds on Saturday, which was rather scary, but really good all the same. We were worried we weren't geek enough, but A managed to camouflage any perceived non-geekness (A?! ha!) by having the same laptop as everyone else* and making intelligent comments from time to time.

[* As predicted, almost everyone had a Mac, and most people who didn't had a Vaio, except me. I may have had the biggest laptop in the room - and big is not good, geekwise - BUT I need a big one because it helps me to translate from BSL to English. And I hate Apple. So there!]

So anyway, we had a fab time, watching presentations on TV3 (net based TV with bells on), how to make a company grow via 2.0 marketing, and edocr. There was also meant to be a live joint presentation with the guys at BarCamp Ottowa, but it didn't work out, despite much effort on both sides. Oh well. Finally, we accidently found ourselves watching a really hardcore tech presentation on human-computer interraction (HCI for those in the know(!!)) given by a very enthusiastic fast talking man who managed to squeeze just about all of the remaining energy out of C and Jacks, who were terping like their lives depended on it. Round of applause to them - they did a fab job, even impressing the geeks, especially the one who admired Jacks' sign for algorithm. Wow.

Other good things included:
1) The fact that it was an 'unconference', and really informal.
2) Everyone was proper nice.
3) The food was great and very generous.
4) The organisation was also fantastic.
5) It was free. Did I mention that? It was all free. Including a free mug each.

And here are some bad webcam shots.

Better pictures (i.e. other people's) here. Big thanks to the BarCamp Leeds people!

Posted by j at 4:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I know, I know, I have been crap at blogging this week. I do have a few things to blog about - including, finally, explaining what 'the mysterious object' was - but no time to do it... am hoping to do so later today.

In the meantime, please feast your eyes on this shameless promotional item, and pass the URL on to anyone who you think might like to take us up on our offer. Thanking you!

Posted by j at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(And no, I don't mean you, my lovely blog readers - if you're reading this, you're most probably 'over it' anyway; if you're not, you should be! - it's Stonewall's new campaign to beat homophobic bullying in schools, and very fine, it is too. I was touched to read the many MySpace comments from gay teens... which also made me feel old, but then again, many things do.

So anyway, I was impressed and wanted to share that. After all, under my many layers, I am gay too.)

Also in the spirit of sharing, I'm thinking about ways to become more carbon neutral... and before anyone rolls their eyes and mutters under their breath (that'd be you, KL!), it basically means that I'm thinking about planting some trees. So if you would like a tree for Christmas - instead of a wrapped up pressie - let me know. If you wouldn't, that's fine too.

I've also subscribed to The Nag, which does exactly what it says on the tin, and nags you. More specifically, if you sign up, it will send you emails about being greener (once a month, I think - I've not had mine yet!) which can't hurt, can it?! So if you want to do the lazy thing and have someone tell you what to do, sign up too ... and let me know if you do so that we can compare notes... or should that be nags!?

In other green news, I was delighted and somewhat surprised that Londoners are thinking about copying little old Hebden Bridge and doing away with plastic bags. Now, that would be cool.

I realise this is probably a rather preachy and boring post - I didn't mean it to be, honest, was just clearing my inbox/various crevices of my brain - so if you have made it this far, you are rewarded with this word game link.... kind of a weird idea but I guess it can't do any harm... and it's addictive!

So anyway, have a great weekend. Or, if you read this on Monday morning when you're sitting sleepily at your desk and wishing you weren't, try not to play the rice game alllllll day.

Posted by j at 9:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear C,
Happy birthday to youuuuuuu!

Posted by j at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It's official: My job description now includes ripening tomatoes. And very exciting it is too! Seriously.

Posted by j at 2:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night, an endless stream of trick or treaters came to our door to admire our magnificent pumpkin, be given jelly brains, and be scared by C, who was wearing the scary devil mask that A gave me years ago.

Most of them were unbearably cute, and quite honestly, I think they missed the point, the point being; they were supposed to scare us into giving them sweeties so that they didn't trash our garden. That's the whole point of TRICK OR TREAT, innit? Sadly, the children in our corner of West Yorkshire are very non-threatening. A typical conversation went like this:

C (opening door with mask on): Boo!

Small children: Eek! [silence]

C: Well!

Small children (in quiet, meek voices): Er, trick or treat.

C: What's the trick?

Small children: [silence]

C: Er, OK. Do you all like BRAINS?

Small children: Yes!

[We hand out jelly brains. Then repeat whole sequence x15, intercut with visits to the kitchen.]

C's favourites were the ones who didn't say anything at all, just standing there, stock still, until they were given another dose of E numbered confectionery to help them to bounce off the walls.

However, points must go to the very last one, who rolled up at about 9.30pm, after obviously stealing his younger brother's cape (I doubt the rest of the costume would have fit). After C told him, rather crossly, that all of the jelly brains had been taken by the little children and there were only gingerbread men left, he said cheerfully, "that'll do!", grabbed some and scarpered.

I feel old!

Posted by j at 9:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Can't stop - I am in the middle of a very long work-type thing at the mo - but I will never forgive myself if I don't blog these two Halloween Flash games that I stumbled upon ages ago and have been saving especially for today. I haven't tried the 2nd one yet, but the 1st one is great for stress relief!

Aren't I nice?!

Posted by j at 2:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

While I never quite remember which way round the clocks are meant to be moved (this morning C helpfully reminded me that it's spring forward, fall back, but I will definitely have forgotten again by the time we have to move them forward), I have to say I am very pleased with the extra hour we have been given. What am I going to do with it? Sleep? No, because there is never enough time in the day, and if I have an extra hour, you can be sure that I am going to put it to good use! Not that sleep isn't useful... I just don't want to.

Now I just have to decide what 'good use' means. It will probably mean 'moving half the house around again after the electrician turned it upside down, and doing other things on the neverending Just Moved In-Style Tasks list' sigh.

And which hour is the bonus one anyway?! From 7-8am? Do we have our 7-8am period as usual and then another one after it, so that the time is 6am, 7am, 8am, 7am, 8am, 9am etc? Or is it completely random, with a secret mysterious hour shoved in somewhere between 12.15am and 8.53pm, quietly so that no one notices? Wherever it is, it's all great with me. I like more time!

HOWEVER - for there is nearly always a however to every story - all of this time shifting is a bit of a pain. Darker evenings mean we have to walk the dog earlier, which, erm, interferes with his bowels (although he does get over it, don't worry - and yes, I know that was too much information). Darker evenings also means more electricity and whatever. Darkness also has a weird affect on some people, though thankfully I'm not one of them - I'm just weird.

[Who decides about all of this time saving anyway, does anyone know? OPD, you probably know!]

Am off to use my extra hour now. I think I will use it to eat breakfast. Maybe it can be my secret extra hour, so if I eat too much, it won't count. Nice.

Posted by j at 9:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

In one of his usual acts of randomness, Joe popped up on MSN and gave me this link; "for your usual flash game posting..." Enjoy. I haven't had a chance to check it out yet because the electrician is here, and he keeps switching the electricity - and thus the router - on and off, so I don't want to start something I can't finish. Never mind, at least we now have an oven that works.

And it's Friday! Enjoy!

Posted by j at 1:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Got this from E, then found it on YouTube (because everything is on YouTube these days, so I would have been surprised if it wasn't):

Very true - I believe Ce has a similar problem at 5am daily?!

In other news, I still don't understand some people's obsession with xmas lights. I note how they also live in West Yorkshire *bracing self for major annoyed-ness*

Sigh.

Posted by j at 3:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

And here's another one that I took yesterday...

... Yep, having problems putting my camera down these days. Not a bad thing!?

OK so it's Friday and I'm clearing my inbox, and thought I would stick bits of it on my blog... well, the funny bits, anyway, because people email me some really funny stuff. For example, E sent me a hilarious bunch of letters from kids to God - here's a couple of my favourites:

Indeed. Good point!

Whew, just as well then.

Also got some photos in an email from S, entitled "World's Best Grafiti...?" I don't think so, but found his one mildly funny:

And finally, here's the semi-traditional Flash game (not very vegetarian friendly, but I liked it!) Aren't I kind?

Right, now off to deal with non-blogworthy things in my inbox, i.e. work. Have a good weekend if you've read this far!

Posted by j at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

You know how old ladies always invite each other round to their houses to have a cup of tea and see their new curtains? I never understood it. Until today.

BEHOLD! OUR NEW BLINDS!

No more getting blinded by the sun at 2pm every day when I am trying to work. And yes, I am using two computers at once. I am a nerd.

Posted by j at 1:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I was cross when I found out it was Blog Action Day yesterday, because by the time I found out it was something like 5pm and therefore too late to participate properly (C said I was too busy being green to participate, because we'd been recycling "extra" plastic and Freecycling a mound of stuff, which I found quite funny). Then I thought, well, why confine myself to blogging about the environment on one day?! I do that anyway, so here I am today instead, a day late, with my usual environmental concerns rambles.

WE USE TOO MANY TREES! It's true.

Sorting out the office, this is just some of the paper we have come across that needs to be recycled:

I repeat: JUST SOME of it. Jeesh. How many trees was I responsible for having chopped down?! To be fair, though, a lot of it is from, like, 7 years ago when people used to print out emails just in case they needed them (I did, and I never needed them... so I stopped). Sigh. Too bad our shredder is a bit crap and only takes 5 sheets of paper at a time. That's a lot of shredding, and a lot of time.

At least this move has resulted in a major Free/recyclathon, rather than throwing 7 bin liners full of unsorted rubbish away, like I did when I left London. I still feel guilty about that. I'm probably not normal; but at least I repent:

O God Of Trees, please forgive me. I offer you tons of paper, carefully separated from other materials and shredded. I offer you tons of cardboard also, and glass and metal, and even extra plastic, carefully washed and dried. Hell, I even offer you Tetrapaks, and I'll go all the way to Halifax and take them to the special place where the special Tetrapak people will come along and take them away and recycle them with the special thingies that they use.

And, and, we have some batteries too. And compost. And probably some other things. Yes, definitely some other things. Do you forgive me now?! I hope so. And yes, I know I have a weird kind of Enviro-guilt, and will just have to live with it.

Thanks for listening anyway.
Amen.

Posted by j at 5:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Getting up at 6am on Thursdays provides excellent photo opportunities, as you will see if you can see my new masthead above (if you can't, press SHIFT-REFRESH).

As with many photos, there is a story behind this one. It's slightly embarrassing, but I will explain anyway. As we haven't had a door on our bathroom for the whole time we've lived here (although we DO have a CURTAIN instead, OK!), it is possible to see out of the office window while sitting on the loo, if the office door is open, of course. And as luck would have it, that happens to be my favourite view of all; a view of the trees above the magnificent Scout Rock.

Today, everything changes. Today, we finally get a bathroom door.

While that is great news, all things considered, I am devastated to lose my view. So, in honour of Scout Rock and loo views, please stand back and admire my new masthead for a minute or two*.

I thank you, and good day!

* Please note; I didn't take the photo while sitting on the loo, just for the record!!

Posted by j at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Apparently, we're "cute" for having matching recycling boxes. They're stackable, OK!

A says: You should blog abt your matching recycling boxes. How to know you're old ....

j says: Why?!

A says: Cos its funny.

j says: How is it funny?

A says: You hear abt matching furniture or summat, not recycling boxes that are supposed to live out of way in shed.

j says: We don't have a shed.

A says: Plus must have match ... sort of talk. It's cute (to sound American abt it)

j says: Cute!?

A says: Yes.

j says: You're weird!

Posted by j at 10:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

One of the things on the rather long To Do list is to buy a doorbell, so that the flashing thingy will work and I will know when people are at the door, rather than relying on my eyes or C or Harry to tell me someone is knocking. Haven't got round to it yet... today I wished I had!

The saga started when C texted me to say she had finished work early in Preston, and as it was such a nice evening, we agreed that I would walk Harry along the canal towpath and meet her at the station at the other end. However, I was halfway down the hill when she texted me to tell me that her train had broken down and she was stranded in Blackburn for at least 30 minutes. Change of plan: I walk Harry down by the canal and then pick her up in the car later.

It wasn't until I eventually got home that I realised I'd lost the car key. Panic! I frantically looked all over the house (which had suddenly doubled in size) but could not find it, so I turned on MSN and panicked to A instead. After an hour of futile searching, made worse by the fact that I'd spent most of today cleaning the house/unpacking/doing washing/generally moving things around, and the other fact that I couldn't really remember what I was wearing that morning [it was 7.30am when I drove C to the station, alright!?], so basically... The Key Could Be Anywhere.

So off me and Harry went out again, down the hill and along the canal towpath all over again, meeting C halfway and turning around and walking up the hill again. Home. C and me turned the house over for another hour, but did we find the key? No, we did not. HOWEVER, C found the spare key which we don't use because it's broken and I'm very likely to get it stuck in the ignition or something equally stupid, knowing me.

By this time it was getting dark and we'd kind of decided that someone had nicked the key and was waiting for it to get dark so that they could come along and steal the car, and then we wouldn't have a car any more. We have an old steering wheel lock that we thought might be useful, so we decided to go and open the car with the dodgy key and make it more secure. While we were just putting the lock on, our neighbour walked past.

"Did you get it, then?" he asked C.
"Get what?"
"Your key? My kid found it on the path and gave it to the old man next door."

Hooray!

Unfortunately the very nice old man next door didn't know I'm Deaf - he does now! - so he'd been round to ring the doorbell twice already, but we don't have a doorbell, so he'd knocked, and Harry had barked, but I'd just told him to be quiet and stop being so neurotic, like I usually do.

And that is why we need a flashing doorbell... and SOON.

Posted by j at 8:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Again, Hugh reflects my thoughts in cartoony brilliance:

As a possible sign of age (or perhaps just a sign of confusion), life at the moment has to be broken into very small chunks in order to manage the big chunks, otherwise I just can't concentrate on anything. Take this evening for example, when I stood in the middle of our spare room and almost had a fit as I surveyed all the boxes and whatnot that are almost covering the floor. The small chunks relating to this moment are as follows:

# We have to uncover the floor because most of our carpets need cleaning.
# So we have to move all of our stuff to - er - somewhere else(!)
# We also have to book a carpet cleaner.
# Before we do so, we have to work out which type is best..!
# So we'd like to ask those of you kind blog readers who have had the misfortune to have had to clean a carpet before... which is best; this or this?!

Oh, there are many details of life that I wasn't aware of until now, and I could really do without.

In other news, I'm larking about in front of the camera again at GOD. This time, however, I'm interviewing the most excellent Dr Ladd rather than losing Harry in the woods - probably more constructive!

Posted by j at 8:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

... from R (thanks!) ... if you eat meat, look for the logo!

I don't, so I won't be.

Happy Monday and goodbye!

Posted by j at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

... is International Sign Languages Day. Me and Harry have vlogged about it here (there's an English translation underneath for people who don't understand BSL)!

Posted by j at 5:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am excited. C and me have just been asked to be Recycling Co-ordinators for next year's Sign Circle festival! How cool is that?! Traipsing around in the mud shouting at people to put their cans in the correct bins and getting stale beer all over our hands. Can't wait.

We must be mad.

In other madness-related news, we still have 3 doors missing inside our house, and the joiner has just texted me a quote which made me go pale and reach for my calculator. Not to mention we also need an electrician and a garden landscaper and someone else, but I can't remember who because it all tends to fade into one big blur, and seems safer that way.

I am just thanking my lucky stars we didn't buy the "ideal renovation opportunity" house that we saw before this one!

Posted by j at 10:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

We're knee-deep in DIY jobs here, but can't bear the idea of running around with a drill amongst everything else, so have been booking people to come and fix/build/check things (Dad, the offer is always open, you know!). Sometimes they come, and sometimes they come late. Sometimes they don't come at all, for no reason. Agh.

And sometimes, they are funny:

This morning I got a text from the joiner (about an hour AFTER she was due) to tell me that she was running late and would be with us in early afternoon. About 30 seconds later, I got another text from her that wasn't meant for me. I knew this because it had a "x" on the end and she was asking if I was available to meet for a 2nd breakfast in town. Nice.

However, the best excuse was from Curtain Woman 1 last week, who phoned C to tell her that Curtain Woman 2 was running late and would be with us as soon as she could, because she'd split her trousers and had had to go home and change them. When CW2 finally arrived, she wasn't impressed to know this, especially not because we told her that CW1 had laughed.

(Am now expecting a red-faced joiner to come and see about our shelves, avoiding eye contact for the entire time. Fun, fun, fun!)

Posted by j at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The above photo shows the reason why I am finding it difficult to concentrate this morning - clouds. Yeaaaah, right. I'm finally losing it!

But seriously, no, I am transfixed by what's outside, which is another Reason We Moved. It makes sense... if you work from home and you're lucky enough to be able to live anywhere you like because you run an internet-based business, why not live somewhere with cool views (and hence never get any work done)? Indeed.

So anyway, this morning's massive 3D art display features rain and clouds, which seem to change every few minutes, and make me gasp in wonderment at the amazingness of nature. Excuse me if I sound like a complete townie, but I'm just not used to seeing things from so high up, alright?!

Another subject of my many obsessions has been recycling. I know me and C have tried to recycle as much as we can over the past few years, but it wasn't until we moved that I realised HOW important it was to me. We don't have our compost bins yet (they've been ordered) and weirdly, the thought of throwing away food makes me feel really sick, so we've created our own temporary system, including for recycling. The other day I realised we have no less than 8 different categories for recycling! Seriously. In case anyone is remotely interested, they are:

Compost
Glass
Plastic
Extra plastic (! see below !)
Paper
Card
Tin/cans/foil
Non-recycleable things for Freecycling

It's hard work at the moment because we've had so many things to Freecycle (you don't want to know!) and recycle, having to categorise things and put them in little piles, taking them to the recycling centre too because we aren't in synch with the local collections yet, etc etc. Am sure it will be easier when we get our new bins!

I moan about the extra work, but I am grateful to live here near the fantastic Ekko Centre, which recycles all the kinds of plastic that cannot normally be recycled (the snag is you have to de-label and wash and dry everything, which is annoying, but hey). The man who works there looked SO HAPPY the other day when me and Ce took him a big box of old mouse plastic bags for his plastic factory, fully easing my feelings of guilt about having bought them in the first place.

[That's another thing, you see. Living in plastic bag-free HB means you're meant to use a cloth bag or the 'bag ladies' will be after you, so moving here with 800+ bags that we weren't going to use because we closed down our business made me feel like The Enemy already. So, thank God for Dave at Ekko.]

Obviously, not wanting the bag ladies to get us, we've been using cloth bags as much as we can, when we remember anyway. Teemed nicely with my new Bid To Shop More Locally - i.e. go to 6 shops for basic groceries, rather than 1 - life is definitely more complicated at the moment. Am sure I'll get used to it all soon!

Do I sound obsessed? Probably. Whatever.

At least I haven't forgotten it's Friday! Hooray! Here's a flash game for your afternoon.

Posted by j at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

... can sometimes* make me say "ahhhhhhhhh"!

* The rest of the time, it just makes me feel old and conservative, through no fault of its own.

Posted by j at 4:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Does anyone know how to water a hanging basket [yes! must be old!] without balancing dangerously, dropping your jug and soaking yourself in front of your neighbours?

Posted by j at 1:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

OPD sent this cool time-waster on Friday (I can't do it! agh!) but I was too busy, er, doing USEFUL things to post it. So here it is now.

Normal services - if they could ever have been defined as normal - will resume as soon as possible, including the posting of obscure Flash games and whatever else. In the meantime, my Flash game obsession has been completely cured, and replaced with an obsession to try and restore order where there is mess, and calm where there is chaos.

I am winning. Slowly.

Posted by j at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

In yesterday's comments, Helen asked if I thought this website was real or a hoax. I am quite sure it cannot be real!! Besides, Helen, your daughter is much too young for that kind of thing yet, isn't she?!

And yes, things are a tangled web of working, unpacking, recycling and Freecycling. Will blog about that soon!

Posted by j at 3:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tip of the day: Get all of your stresses out of the way at once by setting up a new business at the exact same time as you move house.

Oh-ho, yes we did! And it's proper cool, too. Now that things are calmer and much more green, I am delighted to say that our new website can be found here.

Posted by j at 1:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Just got back from a 2 hour walk up and down hills and across Midgley Moor, because what is the point of living next to a footpath if you don't use it? However, we weren't really supposed to be doing that after work. We were supposed to be buying a shed. But walking up very high hills and seeing views for miles [note to self: must take camera next time] is much, much better than going to B&Q, so I was quite happy to be distracted.

Me and C also got distracted from the endless unpacking yesterday by going to a local gala (!), then a local cafe and then a local pub. Somewhere in the middle of all that we got distracted again and wandered around a house clearance/antiques shop, where we found this book, and had to buy it because it was only £2 and looked hilarious:

... and this is what it says on the back...

We can't decide if it's real or not. On one hand, it seems to be a very serious book from 1962, explaining how women must do their duty to keep their husbands in good health by making them exercise and not letting them smoke or eat too many pies. On the other hand, however, is that really possible?!

Either way, I like distractions.

Posted by j at 6:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... well, they probably are anyway. I wouldn't know!

And what am I doing blogging before 8am on a Saturday morning?! I can't sleep. While I don't exactly do long lie-ins anyway, when I was in Preston I would turn over and force myself to go back to sleep, but now I am here in the place that's hard to spell, I am much more inclined to leap out of bed. I think it's called new-found enthusiasm? It won't last.

[It does seem to be catching, though - when I was letting Harry out for his wee this morning (in my pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt, shamelessly), I saw three people. While this is really not a very exciting fact, I should remind you that we now live in the middle of nowhere, so three people, is like, a lot.]

So anyway, here I am sitting at our new, huge, white kitchen table. I note its whiteness (a whole other story, which I will explain below). I note how it was part of the Dreaded IKEA Shopping Experience the other day, when C and I stopped being ill for long enough to drag ourselves around IKEA and actually manage to buy SOME of the things on our list and not scream TOO much when the nasty men at the delivery counter looked at us nastily and told us it would cost us £70 to have our stuff delivered, as punishment for carelessly living in the middle of nowhere and having the wrong postcode.

AGH!

Yes, it has been a long week. I'm proud to say that in between sneezing into mountains of tissues, coughing, trying to wade through the masses of bubble wrap in this house, and driving to and from wifi hotspots/the library, we got some work done. Yes, business had to be as usual, or we wouldn't have a business.

Aside from that we have been wandering around a bit dazedly, realising that our new house is quite big and we don't have much furniture - or, indeed, ANY curtains - so we need to fill it with things.

We tried doing the Curtain Challenge first, and went into a tiny curtain shop which was stuffed full of about 7,000 curtain samples, I kid ye not. Very Nice Curtain Shop Woman was very helpful and asked us what we would like, and didn't laugh nastily when I said "I have NO idea. We've just moved into a new house and everything's white," and actually managed to sell us some curtains. However, curtains are more complicated than I ever realised (or ever wanted to even think about), so VNCSW's business partner is going to come and see us to measure and sell us some more, which means that we should be all curtained/blinded-up by October sometime. Seriously.

Everything seems to take so long! Screwing together IKEA flat packs certainly does, as anyone who has ever spent hours trying to work out what the "internationally accessible" instructions are supposed to mean, and where the weirdly shaped metal bits are meant to go, will tell you.

So, you can imagine my horror when C looked at the huge white table that we'd spent ages traipsing through IKEA Hell to find, and then paid £70 so that I could spend more ages screwing together -- and said it was the wrong shade of white. Or more precisely, the CHAIRS were the wrong shade of white. Thus followed a long debate about shades of whiteness, and how important they were (or not) and if we could really face going through The Torture Of IKEA again, especially as we have to go back again ANYWAY because our office is too big for our desks and we have nowhere to put our clothes either?! Oh yes, that is a whole other day's worth of torment.

But after a beer, C decided that the whites matched after all and everything would be fine. Me? If I half close my eyes everything looks white and glowy and vaguely celestial, so whatever is fine with me.

And Harry? He's loving it all. He always does.

Posted by j at 7:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

... or the other side of the bridge, as some people would say!

We moved, finally! Hooray. Everything is fine, just full of boxes everywhere, and hankies/nurofen (came down with Girl Flu too). Just wanted to do the world's quickest blog post and say that. Only online a few times daily so won't be on MSN etc until next Monday. Checking emails though, if anyone wants to get hold of me. Work-wise, business is as usual.

OK I am off. I did say this was the world's quickest blog post!

Posted by j at 2:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's finally confirmed! 24 hours to go until The Official Move. The clock is ticking; C is now on the phone to about 50 people and I am doing, um, other things.

Now that I can officially allow myself to get excited, don't expect to get any sense out of me today! (And don't expect much blogging-wise... we will probably have limited broadband access until next Wednesday or something like that. Funnily enough, my Dad always says "no news is good news." Hmm!)

Thanks for support and sympathies!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...................

Posted by j at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Remember when I said 31st August was our moving date? Well, I didn't mention the fact that it hadn't been confirmed. In reality, it is MOST PROBABLY our moving date, and was meant to be confirmed like, ASAP.

Now, "ASAP" usually means "As Soon As Possible", which means, like, really soon. However, in our case, it means "Unfortunately there is still a piece of paper missing and posting it over the Bank Holiday didn't help and our seller's solicitor is really hard to get hold of so we SHOULD know tomorrow morning." Yes, tomorrow morning - i.e. 24 hours before the huge removals lorry we've booked parks itself in front of our soon-to-be-old house and collects the contents and drives them all off to the-place-that-is-hard-to-spell.

24 hours! Apparently this is completely normal and happens all the time. *manic laughter*

See what I did there? I pretended everything was fine and I'm totally not stressed and whatever. Strangely, I do feel very calm right now, although the same cannot be said for the rest of the last week. That's probably because I've just unscrewed our bed into 14 pieces, which is excellent for stress management (and yes, I remembered to make a note of how everything joined together so it should be fine at the other end).

So anyway, that's today's update... I am quite sure it'll all be fine and we'll move on Friday. I hope so anyway, because I don't really feel like sleeping on a mattress and living out of boxes and laughing manically for the rest of my life.

SO DON'T MOVE, PEOPLE. IT'S A CRAZY THING TO DO! STAY WHERE YOU ARE. FOREVER.

Posted by j at 4:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by j at 5:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After 24 hours of experiencing all kinds of emotions, we have just found out that our buyers (who didn't get whipped up in the hurricane) have signed, and we will be moving on 31st August!

HOORAY!! Now we have to do all those things that people do when they move, like book a removals van for starters(!)

On another note, if you saw B Road Britain last night, you may be interested to know that the Mayor of Myth0lmr0yd lives very near our new house. So near, in fact, that she will be able to see us having a BBQ. She hates vegetarians. Enough said! (If you didn't see the programme, please ignore all of that, sorry!)

And finally, I have been exhanging emails with a very nice local geek who runs a broadband co-op in our new area, to make sure that our work doesn't suffer too much when we move etc. I explained to him that we use more bandwidth than most people because we work from home and watch lots of online videos / use webcams etc. AFTER I sent the email, I realised he will be wondering what kind of business we run..!?

And into the fray we gallop...

Enjoy the bank holiday!

Posted by j at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

... just plain lunatic!

Yesterday we discovered that our buyers haven't signed the contract yet, and if they don't sign by tomorrow, the whole thing might fall through.

We also discovered they have gone on holiday, and are due back today. However, they have gone to Mexico.

[Insert: Random word commonly used to express disbelief]

Posted by j at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Add various unbloggable things to our already screamworthy moving-or-not-moving limbo and that's the conclusion I draw.

I shouldn't be here. I should be turning my living room into a film studio. WTF.

(Thanks Hugh)

Posted by j at 9:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I know, I know; you're all sick of Flash game links. However, this is my blog, so I get to post useless information if the mood takes me, and it has.

Tonight, I was looking for a small, harmless Flash game to play before I go to bed, and I stumbled upon this game, which is completely disgusting and shows just why I can't let C get a cat (news: she thinks we should get a cat because it would be "appropriate" for our new house, and because all our new neighbours have them... oh, yeh?!) - because cats kill and injure things and bring them home to show you how much they love you. No thanks!

Needless to say, I'm off to find a nice book to read instead.

Posted by j at 10:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

First things first. This game really scared me!! (OK so it might not be very scary if you're having a go on a Friday afternoon at work, but there's something really unsettling about seeing 'your' arms being dragged through a pool of blood on the floor.) Ugh.

This week's been particularly stressful, so I'm gladder than glad that it's Friday tomorrow, except for the fact that we'll probably be packing for most of the weekend, which isn't great fun. It's surprisingly relaxing though and makes me feel really smug for some reason; smug as in, OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAVE SO MUCH CRAP IN THAT CUPBOARD AND I'VE JUST THROWN AWAY 2/3 OF IT, BUT WE MIGHT USE THE OTHER 1/3 ONE DAY, SO IT'S NEATLY FILED IN A BOX... along with all the other boxes which are neatly labelled and piled up in the garage.

It's weird because if you asked me what we actually OWN, I couldn't tell you. I'm hoping to be able to Freecycle some more stuff soon but C won't let me get rid of our fridge freezer because apparently we are going to need it until 5 minutes before we move and it's too risky to think otherwise, even though in the olden days when I was a student, I remember hanging things out of my window in plastic bags when it was cold, in lieu of a fridge. Only now, Harry would probably eat them - he's clever, that dog.

And what's happening moving wise? Today we discovered that it was our solicitor who is being slow, not everyone else's, because she loves asking our vendor's solicitor for the smallest details possible, like which day the bins go out and whatever else. Yes, seriously. C told her in no uncertain terms that we are really not interested in knowing when the bins go out, and we mostly just want to move like, now, if she doesn't mind, so hopefully that will help. Our buyers need to be here by the 31st August, which is brilliant news and means that everyone needs to get a move on and er, move.

So please have a good weekend and keep your fingers crossed that we will be out of here and in the-place-that-is-hard-to-spell very soon. We'll be having a farewell thingy in our local before we go, so if you live in Preston be prepared to accept an invitation with about 4 hours' notice ;o)

PS: If anyone else finds that game scary, please tell me in the comments box so that I know I'm not THAT much of a wimp!

Posted by j at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

... because she told me SHE DOESN'T LIKE ANY OF THE GAMES I BLOG, and wants old skool Sonic. Enjoy!

... And this one's for everyone else.

(I was crap at them then, and I'm still crap at them now!)

PS: Moving news? There isn't any, except our solicitor is waiting for some more bits of paper from the vendor, but he didn't know that until C phoned him today. Sigh.

Posted by j at 8:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

We have lots of flies in our house at the moment. C likes to kill them - 6 or 7 today so far - and make Harry eat them. He seems quite happy about that because he isn't as good as it as she is. I wonder if he's jealous?

Posted by j at 9:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

.... OPD!! Her caption was: "I see the camera has appeared again, have you booked this through my agent?- thought not!"

Congratulations, OPD, your signed photo of Harry will be on its way to you via email very soon, courtsey of Harry's agent, Poppy the Cat(!) Unfortunately due to harrassment and duplication, a number of entrants had to be disqualified :-P

On a completely different note, WE FINALLY GOT THE HOUSE CONTRACTS and now our lives are a shaky mixture of packing frenzy and excitement and stress and disbelief, so don't expect to get much sense out of me for the next month or so... if you can consider my usual ramblings "sense", that is, anyway!

EEEEEK.

Posted by j at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Why does everything always take so long!?

After being told by our solicitor that the contract for the new house should be with us at the beginning of this week, we have just found out that we should get it tomorrow. Hello! As far as I am aware, Thursday is at the end of the week. Yes, I know, it's only a day or two later than anticipated, but it's really annoying how the goalposts keep moving further and and further away, and I am starting to think that we'll be lucky if we move before Christmas.

Inside, I know I am just being an impatient drama queen and should probably calm down and take a deep breath and recognise how this is normal, and buying a house is meant to take 2 or 3 months anyway. It just seems to be taking longer because we work from home so much, and this house isn' t quite big enough.

Whatever. At least I have a roof over my head - many people don't.

[An onlooker: Shut up, J!]

OK *breathes deeply* onto other things; this game drove me mad for several days* before I managed to finish it last night, much to C's (and my) relief! Well worth playing, though please note; if you save your game, you might end up putting in the wrong number, thus resuming play at a completely different stage like I did, and have to start again(!)

* not ALL DAY, just a few minutes of an evening, you understand.

Finally, it is now my turn to be annoying and announce that the result of the caption competition will be announced on Friday, because Harry is busy and doesn't have time to judge the entries until then. So, if you haven't entered yet, now's the time! And IF YOU HAVE ALREADY ENTERED, YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO ENTER AGAIN!

Posted by j at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Me and C need you all to keep your fingers crossed for us this week because next week we should be exchanging contracts with our buyers and sellers, and therefore finally getting a moving date! Hooray! Funnily enough, our solicitor has actually been OK through all this, except for their love of answering machines* ... it has been the other two solicitors who have been asleep and forgetting things most of the time. Anyway, that will be all in the past soon and we will be in our shiny new house, so please do keep them crossed.

* What is it with hearing people and their love of the phone?! What I find most annoying about this is that the number of hearing people who a) insist on using the phone rather than email, but b) have their answering machines on all the time, despite the fact that c) most hearing people DON'T LIKE LEAVING MESSAGES ON ANSWERING MACHINES. What's all that about?! Maybe a nice hearing person would like to explain this to me..!

On a completely different note, F is today's evil person because she left some of these at our house and I left them on the laptop and they started to melt so we have had no choice but to eat most of them within about 5 minutes. However, they are wafer thin, which made us feel a lot better. It also reminded me of one of my absolute favourite Royle Family moments:

Nana Royle (upon hearing that Anthony's girlfriend is vegetarian): Barbara, can Anthony's girlfriend eat meat?

Barbara: No, Nana. She's a vegetarian.

Nana: Not even a little bit?

Barbara: No!

Nana (thinks): Aw, not even a bit of wafer thin ham?

Pure comic genius.

Posted by j at 3:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There, I've said it. Yep, due to a combination of C being a Flash Game Obsessive and the realisation that V*sta has its uses and allows me to actually play games rather than just blog about them after watching C froth in delight, I now admit I find it difficult to tear myself away from them of an evening. I know some people won't believe this, thinking I have been addicted all this time, but the truth is I blogged many Flash game links in the past because I am nice and I like to see people having fun.

So without further ado, may I recommend this week's faves:

3) Daymare - spooky and unfinishable. A failed to see the point of this (I think the point is to find the birds...!)

2) Nicholas' Weird Adventure - weird indeed, with a stupidly annoying ending!

1) Escape from Island - also weird, come to think of it.

TIP: Do not play these at work, unless you don't have any work to do or it is Friday Afternoon. A good rule to follow!

Posted by j at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

If you want to annoy your neighbours who work from home:

Light a BBQ at 1pm on a beautiful sunny day when your neighbours are working hard and wishing they were in the garden instead. For maximum effect, there should be loads and loads of smoke so that your neighbours have to close their windows and die in the heat. Additionally, lots of meat should be cooked to annoy vegetarian neighbours.

Note from J: THE MAN IS OBSESSED!

Posted by j at 1:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Well, one emoticon, to be precise. As I have said before, I hate it when many millions of emoticons take over MSN conversations, but I do have a few favourites that I use to express my, er, emotions, visually.

When I got V*sta and had to reinstall everything, my MSN became naked again and I lost all of my emoticons except the boring ones like :-) and :-P which everyone has. So, because I am a MSN geek, I was delighted when A gave me many of them back earlier, like the dancing cat I use when I'm gleeful and the crazy spinning head I use when I'm stressed(!) but I was rather disappointed that she didn't have the pink flashing BRB that I love.

So... is it out there?! If you have it, please give it to me!!

And yes, I KNOW I am sad.

Posted by j at 6:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Today was T and R's civil partnership, but we couldn't go, so we watched the proceedings in London via weddingcam.

OK, so the camera was rather slow and we couldn't see them signing, but they waved to us, and it was all REALLY EXCITING! Many congratulations, Tyronny!

I'm really happy about how gay couples can not only get married, but their mates can watch them do so via a webcam link, on a laptop using wifi, while they are sitting in bed. How COOL is that!

Next up are E and P... I wonder if there's a secret camera inside the fountain they'll be standing next to?!

Posted by j at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Random Friday things...

1) Amusing news story: about this genius seagull!

2) Embarrassing moment: I sneezed on C's arm, much to her horror! How gross is that?! Dunno why I'm blogging this... perhaps because it's Friday and because I want to prove I have a sense of humour? It was an accident, BTW.

3) Flash game: Beeeeeecaaaaaaause it's Friiiiiiiday! This was tried and tested last night... good graphics and not too complicated (use the walkthrough if you get stuck, but that does spoil it a bit!).

Posted by j at 12:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The sun is out. Who wants to bet that Obsessive BBQing Neighbour will get cooking in his garden before 5pm today?!

Posted by j at 9:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I have just bought www.shinyhappydeafie.com for another 5 years, in a moment of recklessness. A was rather taken aback by this and pointed out that I will have to be shiny and happy for another 5 years at least. I think I can manage that.

Wonder if I'll still be blogging in 5 years time though, or if I'll have turned this into an online shop, selling useless Deaf-related gifts? You never know. And that isn't such a bad idea either. Or maybe in 5 years time the internet will be SO last year and everyone will have pulled their heads out of F*cebook, and be doing something else that involves getting fresh air. I don't quite think so, and I don't really want to think that far ahead cos thinking into next week is exhausting enough(!)

Was quite worn out at the weekend when I went to C's nephew's christening and met loads more of C's family, including 8 aunties and uncles and several cousins. It was all rather confusing trying to work out who was who and how they all join together, so C's mum helpfully said she will create a chart for me that explains everything. I'm hoping she can do a mini one that's about the size of a credit card so that I can keep it in my pocket and secretly read it under the table to remind me who is who, next time I see them all. Genius idea or what?!

An alternative might be for them all to wear badges that say something like, for example; JAMES: son of Alan, father of William and husband of Jo, etc. All I know is if you're like me and have ONE auntie and ONE uncle, it is much easier to remember their names.

Anyway, the christening itself was quite nice as christenings go, with the most amusing part featuring Christening Boy's elder brother standing in full view of everyone at the top of the church, picking his nose with great enthusiasm. Bless!

Maybe in 5 years time when he is old enough to read this, he will email me and tell me how horrible I am to have embarrassed him in public? Or maybe not.

On a related note, we were a bit confused about how the christening was actually a baptism, but we thought baptisms were Catholic, and the church was C of E. How does that work out?

And on a completely different subject, T has just texted me to tell me the excellent news that plastic bags are to be banned in Hebden Bridge. How cool is that?! That is as good a reason to move as any! I just wish our conveyancers would hurry up and stop going on holiday and taking annual leave and days off every two days, and actually help us to move. Agh!

Posted by j at 6:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Me and C are watching heavy rain batter down outside, bouncing off rooftops and forming big puddles (againnnnnnnnnnn).

Me: Where is that wasp* ?

C: I have no idea.

Me: Erk!

[C looks around and spots wasp on floor, squashed flat. She picks its body up and throws it out of the window, followed by its head, and then wipes her hands on my t-shirt and laughs evilly, not unlike a 7 year old, despite the fact that she is actually 35.]

Me: *SCREAMMMMMMM* I'm blogging.

* Note: C killed an innocent wasp a few days ago, leaving its crushed body on the office windowsill, because it would apparently have stung her if she had tried to save it.

Posted by j at 3:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Hat tip to Joe for this information about why it is not a good idea to join Facebook....they're up there with G00gle, stealing your ID etc. I have enough problems with G00gle to even think about selling my soul to another devil (well, you know what I mean!)...

[Note to Deafies: This is quite interesting for about 2 minutes, and then it gets boring because someone starts waffling in voiceover and there are no subtitles. I know this because nothing seemed to be happening, so I touched the speaker to see if someone was talking instead, and they did seem to be, OK, Joe?! I.E. I am not a secret hearing person - only in your silly wee mind!]

SO, YOU WERE WARNED!

Sigh. This week has seen me grappling with V*sta, as I have mentioned several times (yes this is boring). While it is lovely to have a computer that works faster than my brain, it is also really annoying having to download updates alllllllllllll theeeeeeeeee timeeeeeeeeee and work out how to do everything a different way.

Take 0ffice 2007, for example, which is completely different to other versions. Using Word is a whole new experience(!) Confusingly, everything SEEMS to be far more complicated to do than before, but when you actually re-learn how to do things, you realise it's all a lot easier. I lost patience with it this afternoon though, and just emailed a weirdly formatted document to a very patient colleague, knowing that she has the common sense to work out what goes where.

If that doesn't mess with one's head, I don't know what does.

Also messing with my head is the fact that IE is now my default browser, and I DON'T WANT IT TO BE! It's psychological. It's like someone making me sit at a new desk that's too low, or use a weirdly shaped keyboard. It's unfamiliar and annoying and I don't like it! To be fair, I haven't finished G00gling for a solution - and if anyone beats me to one, I will be very grateful and buy them a drink - but everything I have tried so far doesn't work.

That's Micro$oft for you - control, control, control. "You must use V*sta how we want you to. You must use the browser we want you to use, and we will make it really really difficult for you to rebel and set Opera as your default, in the hope that you will give up and use crappy old IE and catch a virus and be doomed forevermore. Ahahahaha."

OK, so I got carried away there, but you see my point? It so reminds me of a time when I dashed round the Marks and Spencer food hall trying to find ingredients for a meal I wanted to make from scratch, but nothing was there... M&S wanted to sell me a meal *they* had made... it didn't want me to have the freedom to make my own. Agh! I was in the wrong shop(!)

We live in a ready made world, I guess. And sometimes that is useful, like when you can't be bothered to cook... or think. I digress.

There are other annoying things about V*sta, but despite them, I do like it. I would describe it as a pretty and fun way of working, as long as you don't mind being controlled, and having a number of rather useless things in your PC. For example, what is the point of Flip 3D?! Yes, it looks pretty...

... but what is it FOR, apart from making your windows spin round and round, adding considerably to The Confusion That Is The V*sta "Experience"?!

Whatever. It's Friday afternoon, and at least I can actually play Flash games on this computer, unlike my old one!

Have a good weekend if you read this beforehand!

Posted by j at 2:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... courtsey of the clever Hugh MacLeod.

Am still working on a V*sta review - i.e. it is inside my head, but I don't want to let it out yet because it hasn't fully grown.

Er, it's been a long day. Bye.

Posted by j at 6:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My new PC arrived today and I've spent most of my semi day off tinkering with it, setting it up and downloading things. It has Windows V*sta Home Prem*um, which seems OK, but I did get the dreaded blue screen of death twice this morning when I was installing ZoneAlarm... Joe The Oracle informed me ZA is not compatible with V*ista, so I've taken it off again now. Whoops.

This is what happens if, like me, you don't do instructions.

On another note, as soon as the rain-that-went-on-for-two-weeks stopped (hooray!) today, BBQ Man Neighbour rushed out and lit his BBQ, not caring that it was randomly in the middle of Monday afternoon at the time. He is obsessed! As C says, "It wasn't even eating time!"

Anyway, I have to go and pack some books just in case we have to move within the next 5 minutes, but will probably do some kind of New PC Review later, if anyone is remotely interested... or even if they aren't!

Posted by j at 3:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

60% Geek
60%

Mingle also informs me that this blog is rated "G" for general audiences, because the word "hell" was mentioned three times. Well, what do you know?!

Fellow geeks, how geeky are you? Humour me and put your percentage stats in the comment box, please!

Posted by j at 8:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

There's something about Fridays that turn my brain to mush and make simple things hard. I think it's called tiredness?

Today's Fridayism involved me going into a major panic because I thought I had shrunk by an inch, when C measured me at 5 foot 5 (not a problem problem, but I LIKE being 5 foot 6! And I'm way too young to start shrinking!) this morning. Luckily, some correct calculating later, we discovered I am indeed still 5 foot 6.666666666666 after all. Thank God. C, however, has apparently grown an inch!

You may - quite understandably - be wondering why the hell C was measuring me in the first place. It is not a common occurence! It was for one of the several hundred forms we had to fill in for the House Move Stuff (still ongoing, but closer to the goal)... in fact, C is filling in one in as I type. And yes, I know it's a weird thing to have to put on a house related form (they wanted to know my weight too but I'm not telling!), but there you go. Something to do with insurance. Whatever.

In the spirit of Fridaydom, I am mildly looking forward to tonight's BB... would be looking forward to it more if I thought whiny wee Chanelle would actually go, but it doesn't seem very likely. We do, however, have this rumour going round. I bet it's not true (although, there's another rumour that the BB producers held a 'crisis meeting' this week, trying to stop the series from being so boring, so it may well be)!

Have a happy weekend, people, and think of me wasting away in the classroom while the sun comes out - as I am sure it will, by cruel twist of fate!

Posted by j at 4:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Remember TV's Lassie, all those years ago? I do! Someone would shout "Lassie come hoooooooooome!" and Lassie, who was always many, many miles away, would immediately twitch her ear, sniff the air and run and run and run faaaaaaaaar to wherever 'home' was, jumping over ditches and rivers and cliffs and avoiding bears and things along the way. I was transfixed as a child, and would cheer Lassie on (for all the good it did... she ALWAYS got home anyway, because that was In The Rules and rules must not be broken).

But anyway, now it's 2007 and Lassie is on YouTube and someone has edited her rather hilariously:

GO LASSIE, GO!

PS: Is this rain ever gonna stop?!

Posted by j at 1:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

... The fact remains that, while people continue their ""campaign"" to get me on Facebook(!), more people aren't going there - see this for evidence! And while I think there's something kind of sweet about the whole thing and I am truly touched somewhere near the bottom of my heart, I'm still not going there, though thanks for your concern..!

In other news, the Moving Story has ground to a halt, which is why there have been no semi-hysterical posts from me on the subject. We're kind of between surveys at the moment, waiting for one to come through before the other one starts and hoping all is OK. All very boring and bureaucratic.

Next: packing. Oh dear.

Posted by j at 7:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

A big thanks to you people for the nice reassuring comments you left about motorways. I feel a lot better thinking about how they are straight, 1-way park-free zones. (And I was :-O at the freakishly youthful confidence that led a certain mad person to make her motorway debut on a French motorway! I have a vague memory of being impressed at the time.) However, I still have zero desire to zoom up and down the Big Girls Roads, so today I settled for a trip to the beach via an A road, which was quite fast enough for me. Oh, and I've been to the local supermarket BY MYSELF BECAUSE C HATES IT about 17 million times in the last week.

Anyway, in return for the kind comments, I have a tip for whoever reads this blog - clean your keyboard NOW! Why? Because it is a huge germ-filled area, dirtier than your loo seat, according to Lifehacker. Then again, everything is dirtier than your loo seat these days, as a smart friend of mine pointed out. Anyway, that photo freaked me out last week, so one evening, I spent a very satisfying (and rather worried) hour doing this. I urge everyone else to do it too, if you can be bothered. It will make you gasp in horror, unless you're weird and never ever ever eat or drink or even breathe near your computer. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Posted by j at 4:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Anyone else see CSI last night? It was rubbish, possibly for the first time, with a totally unbelievable alien storyline. That is not to say I usually believe their unbelievable storylines - it's just that this one was like, "purlease!"

However, my dog is definitely an alien:

Many thanks for the comments on motorway driving - is there anyone out there who didn't jump on a motorway as soon as they'd passed their test, or drive hell for leather around scary spaghetti junctions?! I am impressed. But I don't like driving fast, and have absolutely zero desire to whiz down a motorway. Lucky I work from home, innit?!

Am I normal?! (I don't mind if not; would just like to know!)

Posted by j at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

... and after dealing with about 1,000 blog posts and spam emails, I found myself knee-deep in moving-house-related forms (there seems to be something to fill in and sign every five minutes, FFS!) and washing (OK, so I lie - C did most of it, and yes I thanked her) and a backlog of other things to read and do and tidy and catch up on and whatever. You know how it is.

I also discovered, much to my annoyance, that The Evil That Is B*bo has cunningly found a new way of making people sign in and click their mouse buttons over and over again; something to do with confirming how you know all your friends on your friends list - I don't really understand it but I clicked anyway - and after all that, I had to ask myself if it was actually worth going on holiday? Yes!

It's a weird world we live in.

I'm pleased to say we had a great week off, despite the dodgy weather. Was sooooo good to get fresh air and chill. Am also pleased (and rather surprised at myself) to say that if you're at all interested, you can see some of our holiday pix in my re-stuffed Flickr account - hell, I even added some random photos here too!

On a completely different note, I have a question for drivers... can I ask - after you passed your driving test, how long did you wait before you tried driving on a motorway, and what was it like? Would be good to get a few views if possible please! You know where the comment box is :-D

Posted by j at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

So what does wig woman do when she has too many things in her brain and it's in danger of popping due to being overfilled with information about Houses And Other Things, and she doesn't really want that to happen because there'd be a lot of mess and stuff?

Answer: She goes on holiday.

Yes, I am a jammy b***** - we booked a holiday a few weeks ago before we knew all these things were going to happen, which turns out to be really cool cos it means we can simply give our mobile numbers to all the financy and mortgagy people and get them to ring us when we're walking the dog in the middle of nowhere, instead of when we're sweating in our overheating office.

Nice, huh?

So off we go to Whitby, in search of peace and calm and Dracula (I am SO going to scream) and fish and chips. At least, that's what EVERYONE says when we say we're going there - "Oh, they do excellent fish and chips!" - didn't I mention I don't eat fish? Oh well, I'm sure C will be in her element, and Harry too!

Have a good week, people. I will return refreshed, armed with scary Abbey photos (see above) to re-stuff my embarrassingly neglected Flickr account.

xx

Posted by j at 9:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yep, I passed my driving test this morning! Unsure how many people sell a house, buy another one and pass their driving test in the space of one week, but I did, and I can tell you it is mind boggling. I'm still rather all over the place!

And if you are still in shock because you had no idea this was going to happen, that's because I didn't tell anyone... decided to keep it to myself and focus on the task in hand. I would also like to point out that it was my FIRST TIME!

It went just fine, for those who like details. After about 5 minutes of driving, the 'lipreading mirror' fell off, which was quite funny... I pulled over a few minutes later, but neither me nor the examiner could stick the darn thing back on the windscreen. Eventually we gave up and the examiner told me she'd examined several other Deaf people without mirrors anyway, and nothing awful had happened.

Indeed, nothing awful happened to me either, until the end of the test, when I was asked to do the dreaded reverse park. I can't tell you how bad I am at reverse parking, seriously, despite practising about 700 times in the last week. True to form, I managed to drive backwards, then forwards, then backwards again, then forwards again, and then backwards again, miraculously landing between the white lines in the end. "That's IT, I've failed," I thought. So, when the examiner told me I had passed, I asked her if she was sure, and she kind of looked at me and said "what do you mean?!" as if I was clearly very weird indeed and she'd made a huge mistake.

Luckily, I managed to persuade her not to change her mind..!

;o)

Posted by j at 2:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Posted by j at 6:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

"OFFERED: Wigs! PR2

3 wigs, possibly good for dressing up in!?

1 long blonde wig with fringe
1 multi coloured spiky 'punk' wig
1 rather worse-for-wear rainbow tinsel wig

Interested? Email me at ...@...
J"

AND THEY WEREN'T EVEN MINE.
... The reason? Coming soon.

Posted by j at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

As planned, Ce, Ric and Jac came over to watch the first night of Big Brother 8 with me and C. Together, we frothed in excitement! We ate pizza! We exclaimed in amazement! We drank loads of wine and laughed about how all of the housemates are female so far, and how gay men everywhere are outraged at the 'lack of eye candy'. Aw shucks.

And here is a very quick review of who's who in BB8 (in case you care, which you probably don't, but anyway...):

Sam and Amanda (or Samanda, as some bright spark in the DS:BB forum has already named them): Amazingly annoying young twins, screeching and bouncing up and down. Worryingly, they each had giant lollipops and looked about 12. Did. Not. Like. Sorry.

Lesley: Grumpy, older WI Tory. Spent most of her time looking like she really regretted being there. I'm so not surprised!

Charley: Wannabe footy wife. Enough said.

Tracey: Cool pink haired shouty bouncy woman with attitude.

Channelle: Thinks she's Victoria Beckham. She isn't.

Shabnam: Rather scary growly receptionist. Receptionist?! Yes.

Emily: Thinks indie rock is a new thing that no-one's ever heard of before..! Oh, the arrogance of youth.

Laura: Really nice Welsh nanny.

Nicky: Accountant-type, seems cool.

Carole: Ker-azy peace activist who loves arguing and sign language. Hooray! Carole for the cup!

Posted by j at 9:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last night a very sweet young couple came and looked around our house and decided they loved it and they also love the garden and don't want to build a conservatory, or a pond, or anything else in it. Though, if they did, I wouldn't care, because they made us an offer this morning, and then we haggled a bit, and eventually we agreed.

So that means:

OUR
HOUSE
IS
NOW
SOLD!!!!!
SOLD! OMG.

Which also means:

ALL
BEING
WELL,
WE
CAN
BUY
A
NEW
ONE!

So, on Saturday we're going to view The Perfect House (which is still on the market, thank God) and the Triangle House, to see if we might like to buy one of them. We're taking Ce with us, partly because she loves nothing more than a good nose around other people's dwellings, but mostly because she's The Voice Of Reason and will make sure we carry on breathing etc.

HOORAYYYYYYYYYY!

Posted by j at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Click HERE to see me making a prat of myself! Please do pass it on to your friends if you think they'd be interested (but not this blog address, please, cos it's private and all that - at least I like to pretend it is anyway).

Sorry for the lack of subtitles or other English translation. If anyone desperately wants to know what I'm saying, please drop me an email and I'll send you a script!

Posted by j at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

The above cartoon, drawn by the wonderful Hugh MacLeod (you can buy them here if you want), made me laugh. Indeed, it is true for me - today anyway - because I am sooo pleased with my new browser, Opera. Installed it yesterday after I got fed up with Firefox being slowwww and making my rather elderly computer go funny (I haven't used Internet Explorer for ages as it has security risks that make me nervous). I ranted to A*, as I usually do about these things, and she told me that Joe was a big fan of Opera.

So after looking into it, I asked Joe a few questions and finally installed it. And whoa, is it good or is it good?!

I wouldn't usually rave so happily about an internet browser, of all things, but this really is fab and I do recommend it. It's fast! It has many, many features! Like a speed dial page for your favourite websites, different kinds of weird and wonderful shortcuts, voice control (er, maybe not for me!) and useful widgets! Like Firefox, it lets you change how you want it to look, so I have made mine a nice calm shade of green to reduce my Internet Rage and make me smile more.

Am still learning how to use it, but blimey, it has improved my working day no end! C welcomes the peace, but has been rolling her eyes all day as I have been excitedly telling her how fantastic it is... though funnily enough, the pages seem to freeze whenever she looks at them(!)

Anyway, it is perfect for the (wo)man who geeks to live. And even if you don't, I urge you to get it too! IE is so last century!

* Funnily enough, A also introduced me to Firefox, and to Hugh MacLeod and his words of wisdom, which I read daily via Bloglines, which she also introduced me to(!)

So the moral of the story is: Listen to your friends. And say thank you afterwards... thanks, A and Joe!

Have a good weekend and wish us luck for tomorrow's viewing!

Posted by j at 2:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

This morning, C was sitting at her desk with Diva magazine spread out in front of her, writing things on a pile of postcards with a concentrated expression on her face.

Me: What are you doing?!

C: Entering competitions ... to win us a holiday!

Me: Which we won't win.

*C ignores me and carries on, then suddenly rips up her postcard and throws it in the recycling.*

Me: What did you do that for?!

C: I've just realised it's not for a holiday - it's for a 6-month membership to a gay dating website!

Posted by j at 9:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

People keep asking me if we've heard anything about the house - unfortunately not - nothing of any interest, anyway. Apologies to those of you I have snapped at about it. I know you are all just trying to be nice and want us to move etc, but it is a sore point for me at the moment... the main problem is I am too impatient, as you've probably worked out by now(!)

Anyway, my Dad always says 'no news is good news' so perhaps that is so. And when we do get news, the following things will happen:

a) If it is good news, I will scream a lot and tell everyone right away.

b) I will also blog it.

c) If it's crap news, I might not blog it, but if it is really crap news, I will.

d) If I say nothing, that means there isn't anything to say, and I am probably in a bad mood because I'm so impatient.

Sigh.

Wait, there IS some news, well kind of. C and I have found a house that rivals The Perfect House! We still love The Perfect House the best, but the other house is really cool too. Guess what? It's trianglar! Yes, it has triangle shaped rooms. There are one or two square rooms, but most of the house is like a warren, with funny shaped corners jutting out all over the place. While this is all very cool and even quite funky, we are a bit worried that it might make us crazy and long badly for square rooms and right angles. Hmm. Any thoughts would be appreciated in the comment box below, please..!?

I promise not to bite ;o)

Posted by j at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This week has been a long one. Many years ago, I was quite able to work every weekend, or spend all my Saturdays in meetings, or travel all over the place or whatever without a break for ages. Now, this is not so! I value my weekends like the most precious thing, and I won't give them up without a fight. Except, at the moment, for my course, which is taught over 6 full weekends a year, including last weekend. Well worth it, but it does wear me out because I'm old.

So anyway, today's Friday Brain Fullness is especially full, and I started losing it at around 4pm, when I gave up attempting to think rationally and started geeking out with A. First, she showed me her TV channel on Ustream, which involved her walking around the house Big Brother style, and we both freaked out when we realised a 3rd person was watching, i.e. A has her very own stalker. A freaked out again when she realised I had screengrabbed her for my own amusement, (and yours, if you click here). Ahahaha.

In other news, one of my neighbours is driving me mad by having a BBQ every day, including at this very moment. Yes, at around 5pm every day for the last 3 days, I have been distracted by the smell of burning burgers being flipped by an overenthusiastic BBQ Man, much to my annoyance. There is a VERY BIG DIFFERENCE between having a BBQ on a Saturday afternoon and having one every night of the week, when your neighbours are trying to work from home. And the summer has just begun! Sigh.

Summer also brings Big Brother, which I am already frothing up in excitement about, and on the first night, Ce, Ric and Jac will be coming over to watch it all start with me and C, so that we can all froth together and scream and disagree with everything and everyone, and put our mobiles down for five minutes. Yes, we are sad, but do you know what? We like being sad.

In housing non-news, Conservatory Man is still worrying about floods, but our other viewer showed some interest, so we still have our fingers crossed. Meanwhile, we have 5 houses to see tomorrow, just in case Perfect House disappears overnight, or something equally cruel. You never know, right?

Have a good weekend with your BBQ (wo)men!

Posted by j at 5:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday, our 6th and 7th viewers came along to see our house. Our 6th viewer, who shall be known as Conservatory Man because he wants to build a conservatory in our beloved garden that we put so much work into - whaaaat?! no! - put in an offer. We hyperventilated in shock for a while, but Conservatory Man's offer was lower than we wanted, so we have spent all day today jittering and wondering if he will reply to our request to meet us halfway.

Finally, the estate agent rang, to tell us that Consevatory Man is now in two minds because someone told him our house is in an area which might get flooded. Agh! The estate agent has sold many houses in this area, and it's never been a problem before, but of course we have to get the one person who worries about this kind of thing. Agh!

The case continues...

Posted by j at 3:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Remember Tony Hart's Morph? Those were the days.

Posted by j at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Today, I am grumpy.

I think it was the toothache that set it off. Today, I am going to the dentist for something like the 4th time in 3 weeks. For some weird reason, my teeth hurt, but my dentist cannot see anything wrong with them. Anyway, it's starting to keep me awake at night, so this afternoon I am going to make the dentist do something, anything - give me drugs or just pull the darn things out - so that I don't have to see his charmingly smiling face again for another 6 months.

Apart from that, I'm just Generally Grumpy today, too. I don't have 'Hooray It's Friday!'-itis today because I'm on my course all weekend, with no time off before or afterwards. One of the perks of working for yourself (!) Oh well, it could be a lot worse. At least my course is interesting!

On another note, I received this auto-reply email today:

"Dear Sir or Madam

Thank you for your e-mail. Our service standard is to reply to 97% of all correspondence within 10 working days."

Have a happy weekend. Here's a random Flash game recommendation from C, just for fun. Apparently, "you have to help the cute little robot." Enjoy!

Posted by j at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

O Goddess of Estates,
I beg of you:

Please allow tonight's viewer to be gripped by appreciation;
So gripped, in fact, that she wants to buy our house
And buy it in the next three days she will.
So that we can stop this frantic cleaning every five minutes
And we never have to hide the dog's bed in the washing machine again
Or take the dog out for a quick spin (he likes it!).

So that peace will surround us
And we may herewith go and live in the place that we can't spell forevermore.

I thank you.

Posted by j at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hooray! The Respect party has managed to knock New Labour out of Preston Town Centre - quite easily, it seems. This is great news. Mr Lavalette is very nice and shouty, so should cause no end of annoyance to the rest of them :-D

HOWEVER, Respect only managed to come second in our area of Preston, Riversway. And here's why:

C: I have done something very, very bad and you are going to be very angry.

me: Alright, what've you done?

[C shamefully shows me our postal voting envelopes, which she has forgotten to post]

me: The suffragettes died in vain!

[C shuffles out of the office, hanging her head]

TIP: If you decide to vote postally, don't forget to post your votes!

Posted by j at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've always been a fan of graffiti, but I'm no good at lurking around after dark with cans of paint. Well, I haven't tried, but I'm quite sure that if I did, I wouldn't be any good. So anyway, I was quite excited to find this graffiti generator, and decided to make a new masthead with it. Sad, I know, but I'm not much good with PhotoShop either...

Anyway! If you can't see my fantastic new masthead, press SHIFT-REFRESH. And if you can see it, but you think it's crap, please don't tell me because my ego will be wounded. Hooray!

Posted by j at 8:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I have a confession to make.

Yesterday, I allowed A and R to somehow convince me to set up a Beb0 account. They cunningly told me that if I did, then I could convince the rest of the world that BLOGGING IS SO MUCH BETTER and get them all signed up to Deaf-blogs.com in a second, or something like that; kind of along the lines of "if you can't beat them, join them". When I tried to explain that Beb0 is evil and makes me shake and see double, they just laughed at me. Apparently all I need to do is put my info online and leave it there, without doing anything much apart from adding a few videos and things from time to time.

I JUST NEED TO RESIST THE EVIL.

So anyway, I am a weak, weak woman and am not at my strongest on a Sunday afternoon, so I grudgingly did it. That's peer pressure for you! And, if you are at all interested, you can view my Beb0 profile here, complete with a too-brightly coloured, disgracefully garish, overdesigned skin, just like everyone else's.

Goodbye world. It was nice knowing you. Now, if you don't mind, I'm off to get sucked into a vacuum...

Posted by j at 4:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

STOP!

No more Beb0 and no more listening to A and clicking on random 'friend' URLs and finding yourself in an endless stream of profiles and comments and photos and videos and God knows what. They're all linked. They all know each other. And I know many, many of them, some from like, 15 years ago or something. Curiosity gets the better of me. Again and again. And again, and again. And again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Can't stop. Again. Click. Marvel. Click. Again. Click. Nose. Click. Gape. Click. Laugh. Click. Gobsmacked. Click. Squint. Click, click, click, click, click, click, OMG, click, again and again and again and again, falling into that Beb0 vacuum once more. Agh!

STOP!

Climb out and thank fuck you never signed up and never will.

Posted by j at 12:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I got back from my driving lesson this morning to see a big white van parked outside our house, with a man sticking a huge FOR SALE sign up outside. My first thought was, "OMG, we haven't told our next door neighbour yet!" He's not a friend or anything but he's a very nice man and well, you're supposed to tell your neighbour first, aren't you (unless, as my driving instructor pointed out, you don't know them, or you don't have any)? Eek.

This is it.

Posted by j at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It is risky to even think about playing this game when you're meant to be working or doing something else that is useful, because if you start playing it, you will probably never do any work or useful things ever again. And that is why I have posted a link to it on this blog, because I daren't play it right now for that very reason, and I want to see if I am weird or if it has strange powers over everyone else too. It made me swear a lot over the weekend!

And is it C's fault? Of course.

Posted by j at 3:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Many thanks for the nice comments on this blog and on MSN etc... but please don't congratulate me yet because a) I haven't done anything and b) it might never happen. However, *if* it does happen, all people and their poodles will be welcome to kip in our new spare room. Well not all at the same time, obviously... it isn't very big.

[I've never had a spare room before. Makes me feel old and important for some reason. I digress.]

Since this whole house saga started, C and I have been all over the place. Every time her phone rings she gets freaked out that it might be our estate agent with a possible buyer for our house, but it isn't. And every time she hangs up and smiles at me, *I* get freaked out that it might have been The Man's solicitor with an update, but it isn't, it's usually something work related or whatever else.

It's so weird. Our house is officially on the market, so it's like living in a show home. I keep thinking the estate agent will phone and say someone wants to come around and look at our house within the next 10 minutes, so if it looks pristine and shiny, maybe someone will want to buy it so that we can go and buy The Man's house and move there and live happily ever after.

But they haven't rung yet. So we just have to carry on waiting and wiping up crumbs before they even hit the ground, and trying not to think about moving and the views and the greeness and everything.

Agh! Four more tomorrow. Nice.

In the meantime, this arrived in my email inbox the other day, and made me laugh:

Ha!

Posted by j at 4:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Here's another game, partly because it's Friday afternoon and C said I have to because am the Friday Flasher(!) and partly because after the day I've had, my braincells have seized up and I want to do something that doesn't require thought, or typing words, or any kind of intelligence. I suspect other people are feeling similar.

So, allow me to introduce Splash and Dash:

It's not fantastic, but it'll do for Friday Flashdom. Enjoy!

Have a fab weekend everyone (and thanks for the nice comments on my last two posts!) xx

Posted by j at 4:06 PM | Permalink |