.... random rants and rambles. no agenda. yet.

As my lovely hairdresser, Diane, would say (complete with dramatically rolled eyes, backwards tilted head and a grand hand gesture), I've had a week.

Nothing overly dramatic or grand has happened, though; it's just been one of those weeks where there never seemed to be any pockets of nothingness - there was always something to do that had to be done immediately - as if the "play" button got stuck and life became on loop. I am rambling.

Rather frighteningly, since joining Facebook last week, I've somehow acquired 174 "new" friends so far. Even more frighteningly, this required virtually no effort other than me repeatedly clicking my mouse button about 200 times, without thinking about it too much. I also managed to join someone's circle of thingies, then accidently created my own and added people to it, then apologised for the inconvenience because I had no idea what I was doing. Since then, I've just ignored any offers of games, circles or whatever. I'm too old.

In true Diane-week fashion, this week also involved a long, long journey back from Berwick that took 6 and a half hours rather than 3 hours and 15 minutes as the sat nav said it should, because we had to pull into a layby just outside Newcastle to feed The Boy (C) and do some emergency work while connected to a good 3G mobile signal (me), then pull over again because The Boy needed changing twice, and Harrythedog needed to be walked round a car park in the pissing down rain, then we had to take a detour because unfortunately part of the M62 was shut. And then we got a bit lost.

The best part of all of this is that Google Maps tells me that our trip to Devon next month should take "about 5 hours 26 mins". When I told C this, she laughed wildly, as if I'd just suggested we don rucksacks and walk down the motorway with the pram. Google Maps really should take people's variables into account. I can just imagine it now:

Estimated required number of toilet stops per hour? Er, one.
Number of animals in transit? One.
Number of adults? Two.
Number of children? One.
Age of child? Three months.
Is your child prone to random screaming when in transit? Yes.
Does your child have colic? No.
Think yourself lucky then. Estimated journey duration: about 14 hours and 23 mins.

I think that's going to be a journey.

Posted by j at 8:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For various complicated reasons - none of which are worth blogging about - today, I held my breath and joined The Evil That Is F@cebook.

Yes, I know.

And no, I didn't want to do it.

So why did I do it? Because I had to.

So anyway, I did it and I'm kind of sick of it already. C thinks I secretly like it, but really, I feel like someone removed my brain and replaced it with a giant interactive catalogue featuring everyone in the entire world (except C, and about seven other people). Scarily, when I joined, FB "suggested" about 14 million people who I might like to be friends with... and I knew many of them. So they obviously employ clever geeks who have weaved some kind of web between everyone and their friends, and their friends' friends, and their friends' friends' friends and whoever else is a fan of whatever they are a fan of. I'm having enough trouble trying to locate my "Wall".

It's a bit like trying to stay on a treadmill that's moving too fast. It is exhausting.

There seems to be two main types of people on FB; those who tell me "Oh, I only put basic information about myself there. I use it so that I can see everyone's photos, that's all. It's crap!" and those who treat it like a second job.

Me? I'm the type who switches off her computer and flees downstairs to make the tea, talking earnestly with The Boy, who is thankfully far too young for poking people, sharing weird quizzes and having 1,289 friends.

Thank God.

Posted by j at 6:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This is what happens when I surrender my Tesco.com shopping powers to my wife, in favour of drying my hair, which takes a long time.

C (Coming into bedroom from office): Do you want Diet Coke?

J: Er, yes. Thanks.

C (Leaving office): OK.

= Two minutes later =

C (Returning): I need cat litter advice.

J: What?

C: Is there a reason why we buy this litter and not the cheaper one?

J: There is a reason. I can't remember it, but there is one.

C: Oh.

J: Why not buy both?

C (Retreating): OK.

= One minute later =

C (Popping head around door): Do we need tray liners?

J: No.

= One minute later =

C (Furious): The internet connection is down!

J: Don't worry, it'll all be saved in your shopping basket.

= Two minutes later =

C: Can we buy Felix cat food? It's on special offer.

J: What's special about it?

C: Nothing.

J: Buy it then.

= 30 seconds later =

C: J...?

J: What?!

C (Smiling sweetly): ... Am I annoying you yet?

J: Yes.

Posted by j at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)