An open letter to the cat
Dear Mr Corbett
In view of today's events, I thought I would write to express my concerns. You need to understand that, as you have only ever ventured outside our house for about 10 minutes at a time, disappearing for FOUR AND A HALF hours without warning today was particularly traumatising for C and I.
While we know that you cats like to disappear outside for hours and hours on end, as it was your first time, we didn't know if you would remember where you lived, or if you would even want to come home (i.e. you had only pretended to like us thus far, and were waiting for an Escape Opportunity). That is what your constant mind games do to us. It is both unfair and unreasonable to expect us to live like this - as Dog People, we expect to be shown more loyalty and gratitude.
Furthermore, when you finally arrived home covered in oil, it would have been nice if you hadn't hissed at Mr Barker, who had kindly spent a couple of hours shut in the living room for YOU, just in case you returned.
As I am prone to neurosis and worrying, I would greatly appreciate it if, next time, you would take heed of the following suggestions:
- Please return to the building approximately once an hour, if only to let us know that you haven't been crushed by a car;
- If this isn't possible, please take a small, brightly coloured flag with you so that you can be seen while you are killing voles and mice at a distance.
- When you hear me shaking your Chicken Treats in the garden, please make yourself known - because it means I need proof that you are alive. When you have done so, you may resume killing whichever small, defenceless animals you were pursuing.*
* Do not, under any circumstances, bring these small, defenceless animals home, DEAD OR ALIVE.
(And, as an aside, I wonder why your new Favourite Place on the landing was selected, as it is rather draughty and gives the impression you wish to operate as a CCTV camera?)
Anyway, now that you have shown us what you are capable of, we will not worry ourselves unduly next time... if there is a next time.
Thanking you,
Your landlady
Comments
Hilarious! Re CCTV that's v true, cats like to prime vantage point not to miss a trick. Cats sit in the hall here, one eye in the living room, one towards the kitchen, third eye out of the front door and the fourth looking up the hall(!)
Posted by: Alison | January 6, 2008 9:14 PM
I remember the first time Humphrey left me wondering where he was ALL night, the little minx.
I got so worried and was all teary on msn with a v supportive friend....then fell asleep simply cos I was tired staying awake!
However, the next morning, at the chirpy hour of 7am, he was outside the kitchen window, all "hello hello, where's my breakfast?"
Little b*g*er!
Posted by: E | January 7, 2008 3:59 PM
I know I'll anger some of you lot out there - but I think cats treat your place like a hotel!
Sounds like Corbett is a rock 'n roll star trashing the room and then dissappearing the next day.
But we love them anyway.
:P
Posted by: T | January 7, 2008 5:03 PM
I agree with you, T!! xx
Posted by: j | January 7, 2008 5:32 PM
Naughty Corbett - put him in the doghouse & he might learn!
Posted by: B | January 8, 2008 4:52 PM